Twenty

This year is quite interesting for me and most of my friends. This is because a lot of us will be celebrating, or have celebrated, 20 years worth of living. And that is a HUGE deal. Why a huge deal? Personally, it is because of the realization that I have been living on this earth for two decades. TWO DECADES.

Some would say that age is just a number. How old you are is just a matter of formality and mathematics. They say that your experiences are the real teachers and measures of how mature you are. To some extent I do agree but, on the other end I have to say that age DOES say a lot of things too. It tells people of the amount of hours you've been breathing on earth. It tells people of how many falls you have encountered in life. Basically, the older you are, "the more salt you have tasted" in life. This is the reason why I have so much respect for those older than me. I remember once my aunt asked me why I bother calling my friends who are one year older 'kak' or 'bang'? I replied to her simply because the person's OLDER. How weak they may seem on the outside, those quiet moments are actually restraints from regretting saying or doing anything later.

I am twenty now. God. It is still surreal for me to say (or type) it. I'm no longer a -teen (even though some have decided to call it as twenteen.) But reality, you can't run from it. I am twenty, and proud of it. Some are scared, some just shrug it off. I do neither. I happen to be the type of person that love birthdays, anniversaries, rayas, any special date for that matter. Sentimental? Perhaps. Is it also because of the gifts? Nope, I didn't get as much gifts as I used to when I was ten. Why is it then that dates are important to me and the special ones are treasured? It is because these special days are the time for me to be thankful and to be merry.

Anyway, back to the gift story. My present this year is extra special. Instead of getting material things, my gift this year is the simple realization that I am actually loved by those close to me. I am a huge believer in "small but precious" groups of friends. Even though I don't have a whole floor of friends that I can go in and out of their rooms, the ones that I have do care and for that they mean the world to me. Same goes for my family. Mine may just consist of four people (+ Kak Nor), but these are the people that will really love me unconditionally, to the core of its meaning.

I am twenty now and I am proud of it. I am a year more mature than before. I am a year wiser than before. I am a year calmer than before. I am a year more grateful than before. I am a year more experienced than before. I am a year more loving than before. I am a year cuter than before. But most importantly, I am a year OLDER than before with the whole intention of enjoying and learning more in this year to come.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.



-C-

Alpha

I know a lot of girls who love to take pictures, especially of themselves. Thus, the new slang of the century - camwhore. It's not just me nor is it just a regional phenomenon for we can see everywhere the addiction to America's Next Top Model and the sudden rise in popularity of DSLR cameras. But me, being the DSLR owner, I love to take pictures more than to be in the pictures.

No, I don't think I'm THAT ugly. And neither am I embarrassed to take pictures of myself. I'm willing to pose if I'm asked to (the product of having to pose for my father since I was, like, 3). But still, none can compare to the feeling that I get when I took good pictures especially of my friends having fun. Priceless. For experiences can't be repeated.

I do love photography. And my favorite subjects are human beings. I've always dreamed of taking at least one portrait per day since I was in high school. I love people, I love emotions and expressions, a sincerity you can never get elsewhere. So when some people pity me for not having a lot of my own pictures in my computer, I feel pity to that person myself. Although I'm beautiful *cough*, I enjoy capturing the beauty of others more. I don't mind being the photographer. I don't mind being the person 'behind the scene'. What I capture is mine to share with the world.

Let's put it this way: I love taking pictures. Therefore, taking that joy of mine away from my hands is as much a sin as changing the channel when I am watching the Grammys.

-C-

truth as a defense

This is what I don't understand:

When the others do it, it is what the rakyat want. But when your own people frog-leaped, it is unethical. My question is, who are the ones without principle here? For me, it is easy; those who betrayed the party do not deserve to be in the party. It is like having a cheating boyfriend...you should throw a party (excuse the pun) when he leaves.

Okay, I understand it is not as simple as that. But facts are facts. They left, regardless of the reason behind it. And just like an Academy Award winning actor sometimes got passed for a movie, so does a professional politician should respect the state AND federal constitution. THE MAJORITY HAS THE RIGHT TO RULE. Trying to defend what's no longer yours is not only unprofessional but also childish. Why, scared to lose the Camry?

This part is a bit controversial. The state rulers DO have power; just like when the Sultan of Terengganu has the right to choose the MB before (and you were cheering for that). Maybe I am a bit of a traditional Malay. Although monarchy is unnatural, so is democracy. But for me, personally, as long as I am not ruled by a tyrant, I have no problem respecting the royal family. I don't believe in the tulah but I believe in history where their ancestors are the ones who started to rule the land we call home now. And as a Muslim, I believe there is always a reason for everything that happens. STOP LIVING IN DENIAL. Your coalition is weak, face it. But no, you get offended when people say so. Please la, don't even let me start on PAS and DAP. But PKR and even PR actually, only established and survived because of Anwar. What's next when he's not around?

I know this post may sound unlike me. However, I am still not a BN girl. I will never join Puteri although they wear pink skirt and scarf. But I now subscribe to the principle of "truth as a defense." What you choose to do of this post is entirely up to you. But listen, before you decide to riot, think carefully of what you're rebelling against. Thank you.

-C-

P/s: I wrote this entry on my HTC so I do not know how the post would look on a normal pc so excuse the weirdness, if any.

Karaoke Day

Reunion of the girls

(Semangat kot si Asilah tu)

-C-

Simple

Those closest to me, especially my family members, know why I've been so depressed these past weeks.

Yesterday I told my cousin, in a nutshell, about what happened. This is all she had to say, "Aw, I pity you," and somehow that is the best response I've ever gotten so far.

I know a lot of people are trying to help me by offering solutions but too many 'solutions' is also a headache to me. I mean, I'm almost twenty, I think I know what to do, basically. Sometimes when I'm offered the 'why don't you' that I've already done, I felt insulted.

So that is why a simple sympathy from someone close to me is the thing that I craved for the last weeks.

Just sympathy.

Ain't life simple sometimes.

-C-