Last Female Standing

*reads previous entries*

Gosh. I sounded like a wrecked train. Hahaha. Nevermind, it is time to move on.

Anyway, today I want to talk about an interesting question put forth by Iman just now: "What is your weakness?"

Today, while we were having dinner at the mamak place, Iman suddenly decided to have an honest discussion about our strengths and weaknesses. When he asked me the question, I paused for a second and asked myself, what IS my weakness? I do know that I have a few. Well, I used to have A LOT more before compared to now. But then my answer to them was simply, "My weakness is that I am not the perempuan Melayu terakhir type." Iman, Ali, Weng and Naufal looked at me with this confused look and asked, "Why is that a weakness?" I answered, "Because it seems that others prefer these perempuan Melayu terakhirs than us." With very, very, VERY, convincing looks, Iman and Naufal went "Noooooooooooo!" I got to admit that was kind of cool. They said that they prefer us being us because at least we're not HYPOCRITES. Ali asked something like, "Why don't you like yourself NOT being the perempuan Melayu terakhir?" I said, "I do love myself for being me because at least I can proudly say I am not a hypocrite, but it's the OTHERS that don't favor us."

Oh how this has been the case for me for a long time. I have never been one of the perempuan Melayu terakhirs. It's just me. Since I was young. Even in primary school, I was the one who will be going around the school running, shouting, and having no care in the world and then later got my ears pulled. (Ain't that right, Ali?) And then in secondary school, the same thing happened. My friends and I would be the one going around our school and trashing it along the way. Do you see any of the perempuan Melayu terakhirs do that? I don't think so. But the best part is, the teachers can't publicly punish me as what message will they be sending to those sorry juniors? "Be a good student like Syaza, but remember that she is also a master in vandalism." Can't happen. So, I have always got away from getting into trouble simply with my good marks. (That's also the reason why I never become the head of anything at school.) And oh, what a surprise it is that this pattern is repeating itself here in college. I am still not among the perempuan Melayu terakhirs. My friends and I are considered the naughty Malay girls for a few reasons such as we go out till late at night, we hang out mostly with the other guys, we (my friends) wear mini-skirts, we don't wear baju kurung everyday but have jeans as our substitute, and we also don't cook. We go out EVERY SINGLE DAY.

So, the question is, does that makes us less Malay? (Though I know someone who would like that.) Does that makes us less a girl? Does that makes us less RESPECTFUL?! I don't think so. Remember I mentioned of my plan to write an entry on respect? That's because respect plays a huge part in my life. I believe that you could never get far if you don't possess a sufficient amount of respect. Anyway, as I was saying, are we THAT bad? I don't think so.

Don't think I've never TRIED to be the perempuan Melayu terakhir type. I've tried countless times during my 'self-discovery' period. I tried walking slowly, I tried covering when I laugh, I tried giving one word answer and talked less. But you know what, I don't like it. When I laugh, I want to laugh my heart out because laughing is a sign that I am happy. Why hide it? Happiness is VERY addictive (so does sadness it seems.) When I walk, I want to look up, (not down) at the world and its beauty. When I talk I want to look into the other person's eyes, partly as a sign of respect. And when I talk, I'm sick of giving one-word answer. I'm very opinionated, why suppress it to feed the egos of men???

Also, don't get me wrong, I'm not a feminist. Since I arrived here in INTI I've been thrown this question countless times. "Are you a feminist, Syaza?" And I can proudly say that I am not. I don't believe in equality between the genders. God purposely made men and women different. As women, we were given the GIFT to experience carrying another person's LIFE in our body. Can guys do that? No. So why are we fighting for this 'equality' over unnecessary stuffs? Sure, education is for everyone, but to fight to be the PRESIDENT of a country? As a female myself, I admit that we can be too emotional to lead. God makes us different and unique from the other sex, so why are we complaining? That's why I always say, I may not be the most alim person on the face of this earth, but when it comes to matter of life and death, I have strong beliefs and opinions that there are reasons for all of God's creations and rules, and there is no need to question it. (You CAN question it, and your answer will bring you back to the rationality of all the rules in the first place.) That is why I always say that as long as I have God, and as long as I have myself, I will be able to find my way through life.

I guess, I enjoy being who I am. I enjoy NOT being a perempuan Melayu terakhir. Why do I want to be like them? Supposedly, they are of a better breed? Let me ask you: how do you know that the girl who wears baju kurung everyday doesn't throw lies about you behind your back? Or are you sure that the girl who talks so slowly that she needs a microphone just to talk to the person half a meter away doesn't spread unnecessary rumors to others? Or perhaps you do think that the girl who spends 10 hours out of her 24 hours with guys are more prone to do...bad stuffs? Or the person who doesn't wear tudung are all against Islam? Or perhaps girls who go out till late at night do not have discipline? Why don't you open your eyes dear people. (I know I have a family member that used to think this way; I hope he has changed his views.) Have an open mind. Does it occur to you for a moment that perhaps the person who wears tudung is only being forced by her parents to do so or maybe wanted to feel part of the social norm? Why don't you instead respect girls who do wear tudung but talks a bit loud as she has her own opinion, and that her decision to wear tudung is hers??? Don't you for a second think that the person who supposedly pijak semut tak mati doesn't hang out with guys because she has stereotypes, perhaps, over guys who smoke? Doesn't it occur to you that the girl who goes out till late at night are intellectuals and are fun to talk to; that's why people want her around longer?

Sometimes I don't get it. These people who from the outside looked as if they spend their time reading the Quran 24/7 are actually disrespect to their friends, families, and husbands/wives? How is that possible? To be an obedient Muslim is one thing, but to be a good human being, generally, is also important. Why do we tend to overlook that? That's why they say, "amal tanpa ilmu" (practicing without knowledge) is of no use too. If you want to preach, make sure you have enough knowledge. If you want to judge, make sure you don't have any flaws yourself.

I'm not specifically bitter over anything or anyone right now. But back to the topic, I may not be the Melayu terakhir girl, yet why would I want to? Where's the rationale in that? I'm happy with who I am. The most important thing, as discussed, is that I AM NOT A HYPOCRITE. If I like something, I'll say it, if I hate something I'll also say it. I don't waste my time putting an act so that I'll be easily liked even though without no real substance. Is that really seek-able? Then I don't know where Malays are going. There are more to a person such as intelligence, creativity, open-mindedness, and extroversion, which are more important that just a 'demure look'.

At least, that's what I think. What do you think?

-C-

My Dying Pet

A pet is what you are to me. And a dying one is what you truly are. No, you’re not a bubble, nor are you the rainbow when it starts to rain in my life. But don’t get me wrong please; I don’t treat you as a pet nor do I see you as one as I know you have your own thoughts, your own feelings. But most importantly, you have your own life. It is never my intention to dictate your life. It’s just that, as a pet… It is as common a knowledge that human beings do outlive our most darlings of all darlings from the animal kingdom. We do. So, with this knowledge intact, what am I to do now that I know you, my darling pet, is dying? What to do now that it is obvious that wherever I turn, I see your face, my dear pet, haunting me with your dying look? Those sloppy eyes and downward frown… Oh, is that a trace of tears I see rolling down your pale cheek? Are you sad my dear pet? But…are you sad because you are dying or because you are leaving me? Can you answer me please?

Do you know that every time I see you my dear pet, I wish I am able to perform some kind of miracle operation that can pull the cancer out of your heart or wherever it is that is hurting you most. I want to do it for both your sake and mine too. Because the thought of you dying... It is as if I am dying with you too.

But since this heartbreaking event is evidently inevitable, what should I do then dear pet? Should I just leave you alone or should I do the opposite? Should I shower all my love and attention to nurture our bond so that you will eventually leave this place with happy memories of me, dear pet? I guess, that is what I am trying to do. Put up an act as if the thought of you dying does not even occupy the tiniest portion of my mind. In fact, the contrary is happening. Every single second, every single hour, every single breath that I’m taking right now, there is only one thing that is of utmost important to me. You, my favorite pet - the one that has given me the most joy currently - are dying. And I can’t run away from that fact; in spite of the many prayers I have prayed. What am I to do now? Can you give me a hint, dear pet, of a way out of this sorrow? I need to know as I don’t want you to leave this earth with the image of me crying as your last memory. I wouldn’t want it for you, my dear pet. The thought of you being sad, just the thought of it, brings tears to my eyes as if you are dying right in front of me right at this moment.

Those closest to me are telling me to cherish every single moment that you are still breathing in my presence. Cherish the fact that as of now you ARE still with me. You are still rubbing against my ankle, sleeping on my lap, and doing the things you’ve been doing with me since before. I know I can never feel the warmth of your fur against my skin anymore after this, but as of now, I still can do. Oh, how worlds apart are the two states; the memory and the reality.

But I guess I should not be selfish anymore. I think it is time for me to start doing the noble thing which is to act as if everything is as normal as it will ever get. My pet, I know you are dying gradually. I KNOW, and that makes all the difference. The right thing for me to do now is to be an Oscar winner. And I will. For you my dear pet, I will give my best performance as if everything is exactly as how it used to be. And when you die, dear pet, I promise you I will make sure that there won’t be a single scar of regret on either of our heart. My dear pet, you can leave now, you have my blessings. Take everything you need with you and leave me naked; because, it doesn't make much a difference once you're gone.

Sincerely,
-Syaza Farhana Mohamad Shukri-

Bubble

“Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble…”

Oh my bubble, why do you have to go up and down repetitively? Why can’t you stay at either place longer than today, and in fact, longer than any other day? Why do you have to come and leave me so soon? Please my bubble, if you can see the sadness that’s coating my heart, my liver, and both my kidneys, you’d understand (okay joke time ends there.) Bubble, come down to earth please. Don’t linger in the air. You don’t even need to reach the sun. All I want is you, my bubble, to be my companion. Can you do that for me please? Or can’t you?

Perhaps I’m lying dear bubble when I say I am content. If I am, I wouldn’t always be as how I am. I would instead be as how I want to be. Or the person I was, dear bubble, before you came and gave me the space to breathe in your soft, comfortable wall. I felt safe, covered from the rain yet able to feel the soft rays of the sun on my skin. That’s what you did to me dear bubble. Why can’t you see that? And I always thought I consciously make EVERYTHING obvious.

Or perhaps you do realize that, dear bubble? And perhaps it is in fact your intention to bring me as close to the sun as you can? You thought by doing so I’ll feel happy, happy, and happy. But bubble, don’t you realize that every time we got just as close to Mercury, the moon would consume me and you’d think it’s the moon’s fault? No dear bubble, the moon has always been nice to me. So do you, bubble. But if the moon is capable of orbiting the earth obediently, you on the other hand are free… You are free to do as you wish. Remember bubble, with great power comes great responsibility (source: Spider-Man.) You are responsible of your own actions and indirectly you are responsible of the person riding with you. Don’t you think of that bubble?

When you go up, I’ll lean on you to observe the beauty I’m leaving behind in exchange for the beauty whenever I’m with you. And when you go down, I anticipate the soft thump of landing. The landing is soft but still, a thump. Oh bubble, I thought you know me in and out already.

Bubble, I guess it’s time for us to part ways. I admit it’s not going to be easy. In fact bubble, I’ve asked a confidant to find your soft spot and to poke at you until you burst so that I can taste fresh air on my skin again. But right now it seems you’re not letting me go. But why is it hard for you to let me go dear bubble? I thought my time with you had ran out and it is time for someone else to experience the joy you’ve given me. Then, please burst dear bubble, if not for you, it’s for me. Please let me go. I want to walk on hard ground again. I want to be able to step on thorns and rocks and fall into holes without you protecting me anymore. But you just aren’t able to do that yet, are you? I hope one day you will realize dear bubble that this rollercoaster ride you took me on has taken its toll on me. I’m tired. I stink. And I’m about to puke. Please dear bubble, even if it is never your intention to take me on this ride, don’t burst while we’re still in mid-air, please.

Bubble, you’ve been a good friend to me. I don’t want to lose you, as a friend. But at this rate, with you not letting me go, and letting the sun’s wind determine our position, it is going to be harder and harder for me to not run away from you. I’m scared dear bubble, honestly. I’m afraid one day I’ll be the one who’s poking you so hard that you’ll get hurt just being with me. I don’t want that for you or for me. Even if you’re the reason for my dizziness in this soft, comfortable place, you don’t deserve to fall with me. So dear bubble, this is my last call. Let us both land softly on earth; though it is not as magnificent as what we have been seeing along our journey through the universe, at least earth is my home. And earth is your home too. Trust me, you would be much happier without me occupying your space.

With this dear bubble, I say goodbye. May we see each other again later and with it a smile that you deserve. Not a frown, for you have left me hanging, stringing along YOUR journey. Goodbye, and thank you, MY DEAR BUBBLE.

Sincerely,
-Syaza Farhana Mohamad Shukri-

My perfect night

Calculus + TRANSFORMERS + 2 Roti Canai's + Teh Ais + Asilah = My Perfect Night


Just what I need after much confusion =)

-C-

Feelings... :p

Today was a very fun day! Well...maybe it’s kind of bittersweet but you people know me already. After living with me for almost four months you should know by now how I always see my glass as half full...most of the times. Anyway, I woke up quite early and packed my bags as I was heading home!!! Today's class was only psycho... no calculus... no TOEFL (maybe got but......). So we just went to psycho just now. Dr. Fulton was really in a good mood since yesterday. They said maybe it's because this is his last semester in INTI. Don’t know, don’t care. The point is he didn't ask about the mock trial we skipped and he was just in such a good mood! I don’t know if it's the old-age thing but he was so in a good mood that even when it's pretty obvious I got two questions wrong for my test2, he gave me full mark! I don’t know why, but who's to question?! Later we took pictures with him... Aww... It's so... I don’t know. Like I mentioned in my previous entry, I guess. Next semester all of us won’t be in the same classes anymore... Anyway, if only Dr. Fulton knows the stuffs I’ve been writing about him all semester long.

And then, the four of us went to the bakery for brunch. This week, as Elly puts it, is 'Bakery Week'. We’ve been going there every day this week. And then we celebrated Zaim's birthday today!! :) HAPPY 18 BIRTHDAY ZAIM!!! :D I am so happy to see you happy today! You know how much I appreciate our friendship because you know you've helped me A LOT for the four months I've been here in INTI! Thanks buddy! :)

And then I went back!

And then I chat with Iman, aka my best friend. (Can I write that here, Iman?) I got LOTS of information from him today. PRICELESS information that's going to lead my cognitive, emotion, and behavior after this. These information acts as a confirmation to the things that have been nagging me. I know what to do now. I'll no longer let my feelings affect my judgment anymore. If things are meant to be, it'll happen, if it's not, I dun want to be the fool. I'm going to be the bigger person and leave this mess before I go in too deep until one day I find myself suffocating. "My bubbles are slowly coming back down to earth people. And I am smiling, waiting for that safe land".

Actually I wanted to write another 'self evaluation' entry on RESPECT today, but I guess I’ll only get to do that later. I dun think it’ll be soon though as I'm going to focus on my examinations. And after the exams, I'm going to have so much fun that I will forget all the ups and downs I’ve been going through! Yay! Some of them taught me a lot, while some are just nothing at all. But most importantly, I grew and I learned that I DO have tempat mengadu's in INTI in the form of my friends. They are the people who won’t lie to me. The people who'll tell me to be strong. Also who'll simply tell me to just GET OVER 'IT'! Thanks to my crazy friends, you know who u are *cough*those who I always see during dinner*cough*. I want to wish all of you good luck for the finals, and may we see each other again next semester with more maturity intact.

-C-

Yesterday...all my troubles seem so far away...

My title this time has nothing to do with what I'm going to write about. I just want to talk about yesterday, which was kind of fun for me :)

Yesterday was a Tuesday. Class started at 8am. But as usual the four of us arrived later than that. But, when we walked through the door, Mr. Fo was looking really lost and there's this group of people making a lot of noise in the middle of class. They were talking about our enrollment. So all four of us quickly got into mode. We started discussing what subjects we're going to take. The best part was that Naim and Rassyid came and join us n we kind of make the decision among the six of us. At first, during the day before, I’ve already decided to take US Government, Sociology, Macroeconomics, World Religion, and Islamic Studies. But the thing is, there are some clashes and I just dun like seeing those clashes though they say to ignore it. And then Claire, who's already enrolled, told me that sociology is not compulsory. So, I dropped it. Because once I drop Sociology (I can take it next semester) I can take macroeconomics class 1B which doesn’t have the Friday afternoon class! (yes!) Now I have one empty space... I really want to take five subjects to maximize my credit hour. BUT. Instead of looking for a subject I WANT to study, I was looking at any subject that doesn’t clash with my other choices and that DOES NOT HAVE A FRIDAY AFTERNOON CLASS. Since all my subjects are reading subjects (less on macroeconomics), I want to take calculus. Plus, I know I can 'kind of' guarantee a good grade with math. BUT THEN. There's these two HAMBA ALLAH, one was called NAIM, the other RASSYID, influenced me to take...jeng3x...PHYSICS!!! Well, I really want to take one more subject that's either math or science. Although most of my friends are taking Public Speaking; somehow, I'm not feeling it... Then, calculus clashes with most of my other classes, n bio also has a Friday class. Physics on the other hand fits my timetable best :) Then I asked those two hamba Allah, what's the relevant of physics to our course? They said when I become a politician one day it will be easier to explain to the public of a bomb explosion. Err, right guys...
Then we went to the AUP office and all of us social science students enrolled... So, I'm taking MACROECONOMICS, ISLAMIC STUDIES, PHYSICS, US GOVERNMENT, and WORLD RELIGION :) It may seem like I'm going to have to do a lot of reading next semester but I love reading plus it's on things that I LOVE so, insyAllah... :)

And then afterwards the four of us went to the bakery for brunch. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER Naim and Rassyid joined us! And then later joined by Zaim. It was nice I got to admit, all of us at the table... Next semester we won’t b seeing EVERYONE's face in EVERY CLASS...... Aww... Now that I’ve said it, I feel sad suddenly... =(

Then that afternoon we had to attend a mock trial at 6pm, compulsory for Psycho students. But as usual (read above), we were a BIT late... When Sofiya and I reached the class, Luqman was already there but he was waiting for Imran. So, Sofiya took the lead and walked towards the door but when she was just about to reach for the doorknob, Borges closed it and locked it. We don't know what to do. Then, one by one the other late-comer showed up... But after telling them what happened, we hung around for almost half an hour outside like idiots waiting for nothing... So then we decided to go for dinner instead. Borges2... I'm sorry for those who have a few classes with him next semester...

"Yesterday... All my troubles seem so far away..."

-C-

p/s: to Diana, the blog u found was not the 'most personal blog' :p

Randomness

It's been a long time since I write something... I think. But on the contrary there are a lot of stuffs that's been going on. Well, not in my life actually, but stuffs that have been going through my mind day in n day out... But to put it into words... I guess, I don’t know where to start. These things r moving at a really high speed probably in my mind's highway or something like that. No, they don't fly like Superman. And sometimes they do bump into holes and broke apart by other thoughts. By others' influence on me. But nevertheless, they're there. Haunting me. But it's not like it's all bad. They're good stuffs that I'm discovering n learning. And I don't want it to stop. I want to share, but I don’t know where to start. Back to square one.

Anyway, why I feel this need to write is because I've been blogging for a very long time already. As in, YEARS. ...This is going to b like meta-cognition. Instead of thinking about thinking, I'm going to blog about blogging. Anyway as I was saying, I've been blogging since I was fourteen... Four years ago... I've been telling the world my whole life story since then. But if you ask me the url to THAT blog, hell no I won’t give u. That's the most personal blog I've ever had. Everything. My sadness, my happiness, n my merapuness. I guess why I love that blog so much is because the only people who read it are random people. But random people who eventually become my friends. People that know the deepest of my deepest secret yet they still hung in there for me. Until one fateful day when one of my friends from school confessed she stumbled upon it. Since then I started to filter my entries in that blog...I can't complain much anymore. From there blogging was not that much fun anymore. So I slowly left that place though I have left it with so much memory that sometimes during my emo state I would go back to that blog to read of my past thoughts n emotions, my ups n downs as I went through my adolescent stage. You know how people say they want to keep they're diary to remind them how they were so that they can understand their children later? I hope those entries of mine will b my reminder.

Why is it that I need to blog then...? I guess... I don’t know. I love to write. I love to put my thoughts into words. Regardless of it being a poem or perhaps maybe being just free writing. But the thing is....If any of you have seen my handwriting...You'll know why even I don't want to look at it for a second time. My handwritten stuffs r only meant for formal usages such as exams, not for personal uses as it's.....'Too pretty'. So that's why.

I'm also a very open person. Meaning, I don't really hold anything back. I don't believe in holding things back. You're going to suppressed it and it's going to come out.......Gosh. I'm talking like Freud... Stupid approach. So as I was saying, I just don't believe in holding things back. Because I believe that there's nothing to lose when you share with the people you love. But of course there are certain stuffs I have to keep to myself. Like Marge Simpson said, "You're a woman, you can hold it inside forever," or something like that. See, who says TV is bad.

ANYWAY, as you can see now, these days I write on stuffs really just to inform my parents of how I'm doing here in college (as if I dun see them every weekend). It's just that sometimes the moment would pass and it won’t b the same telling for a second time. Sometimes, I want to write like Elly. As in really write something poetic. I think the stuffs that she wrote is really beautiful. But I just don't 'do' that. I'm more of a...how to say this... See, I've been writing poems since...I think the first poem I wrote was when I was thirteen...but that was really a stupid one. I've improved. And my style is really...I don’t know. Let's just say I'll put my favorite poem that I ever wrote for your own judgment.

A Woman's Heart

A Woman's Heart is what it is; a heart,
Easily broken by things untrue,
Lies are no longer lies, instead an art
performed behind her back,
Bit by bit you went and stole,
She's being less and less of herself anymore,
Only a woman, parted off her soul...
I am neither changed nor new,
Just a person created by you.
Time passed. Your words snaked and stabbed
my heart; A Woman's Heart is what it is.
Like an oyster with a shell,
Softly guarded by a wall,
And now's the time to tell,
I beg your attention for
the truth. Wherever you carry the heart,
A woman knows more,
Than what you may expect.
Her heart;
For she a woman who knows.

So...as you can see above, this blog, is basically about me, the old and the new. The old Chesza is partly different from the new one. The old Chesza is immature but part of that immaturity is this drive...this drive for me to do things, to explore things, n not hold back :) But the new Chesza is one where uses her head more... Though that internal drive of mine to see the world through new perspective every day is still within me, now I use my head MORE (stress on the 'more' to show that before, I used my head also, but now MORE :p). I'm more...calm. How's that. Calm, but crave for craziness.  THIS is Chesza. The old and the new.

-C-

Presentations report!

Well people, I got three presentations this week. One each for Chemisty, ENL, and Psychology. These are the reasons why my Raya break had to be cut short this year :( It's sad how since I came back to INTI, one by one the other Malay students started coming through the door on Tuesdays, and Wednesdays... They can ponteng classes but I cannot because all these presentations are one after the other.

It started with the Chem presentation which was on Tuesday. THAT's the reason why I had to come back on Monday and not Tuesday. Although the presentation was in late in the afternoon, Sofiya and I had just done the slides before the break but we don't even understand our own slides! :pp We went over it like two hours prior to the presentation. We had to talk on Photochemical Smog. It's a short presentation. Each group had to present a 10 minutes presentation on various topics. Sofiya and I were the fourth group...I think. It was OK I guess. I think it was OK. It was short and sweet. Straight to the point what photochemical smog is. Sadly, I stumbled here and there while explaining... But I like the fact that Miss Pari herself asked me a few questions and I'm glad I was able to state my opinion clearly to her :) After that Elly jokingly made a remark about something2 'Al Gore-ish'... SAVE OUR PLANET Y'ALL! (Maybe I'll get a noble prize one day too? :p Keep on dreaming Chesza...) ...I sound like a Hard Rock Cafe spokesperson.

And then that night... Why do God send me THESE people as my friends... Let's see, we were to have our ENL presentation the next morning, which was today. And, instead of preparing our material, Elly, Diana, and me (yeah Sofiya excluded) spent almost an hour and a half JUST PREPARING OUR OUTFIT! It was Elly's idea for all of us to wear a tie. But then, Elly didn't have any formal attire! (Damn you woman... :p) So we had to go through her stuffs to search for the right shirt... And then once the three of us had our outfits on and *cough* them parading in front of MY mirror, we tried persuading Sofiya to wear a tie too but we failed... After all the drama, we spent only a mere ten minutes going through what we're supposed to talk about. So today, the three of us, Elly, Diana, and me, were obviously over-dressed, but who cares right?! We're the weird/ freaky/ CORRUPTED Malay-female-JPA-social-science-students, right? Yeah, we know what 'you people' think, so don't act so shocked. *wink* But I think we still did a great job. We were group number six. Our research was on The Ugly Side Of The Beauty Industry. But since we didn't prepare anything, everything was spontaneous and even then I think it was okay :) What can we say, we love to talk :p (Can I add that Lils 'helped' by becoming our 'victim' for the day?)



Then my next and final presentation was my Psychology one! The one that I've been preparing like hell, and the one I practiced repeatedly over and over that I think Diana curi2 hafal my script! (Well that's good tho, Di. If not, they wont get the Phallic stage thingy :p) So, I was kinda confident I guess since I practiced my points/script all night long (after the outfit trying episode, that is :p). Oh, and may I also add here that I lost the script that I wrote on Raya night at 2 in the morning? Yeah I lost it. I got to re-write the whole thing from scratch (since I did not save it. I know, stupid.) But I guess it all worked out :) Our topic was on dreams. I didn't talk much today tho. My part was only the beginning and then near the end. And then towards the end we were running out of time so I had to rush through the behaviorism approach. But I did answer most of the questions put forth by the audience (and by Dr. Fulton) and I'm happy with myself for that! :)) Now I'm gonna go and write my 1000 words report!!



My groupmates: Me, Zaim, Lei Kheng, and Yi Juin.

I love this picture! Don't you think Zaim looked a bit like a smart punk-rockish dude? :p

-C-

p/s: Oh I got to add one more thing. One of the reasons why we wore ties today was to take a supposed 'band' photo but our 'drummer' got to go to a SAT thingy.

post raya

What a short Raya... ='(

I've heard/read once that traveling is never a peaceful experience to anyone. WHILE traveling, there's a lot of stress. You got to think of your accommodation, meals, transportation and luggage! So why do people still want to go on vacations then? The reason is that AFTER the vacation, it is the memory that you'll bring together with you forever that is priceless.

I think the same thing applies for my Raya this year. It was SHORT. And hectic. And stressful! But who cares?! Now that I'm back in INTI I'm thinking back of my family... (OK, so I admit that on the other hand, during Raya I miss INTI of all things! :p) I miss of lazing out with familiar faces... The familiar houses I'll visit, the familiar food, and the familiar people. Although this year was almost the same as the rest before, every year would bring with it new memories... Priceless memories... Now that all of us are a year older, there's a lot more to share. I love my family, no matter how stressful the day started. My raya was really...crazy. Even compared to last year when I have to study for SPM during Raya, it was still so much fun because my crazy cousins were hanging around, accompanying me till late at night... Oh, nothing can take them away from me. Life may be 'just a matter of time', but till then, you know you can always count on your little cousin/ niece/ granddaughter/ sister/ daughter here to be there the moment you need me :)

My family!

My family on my dad's side (Can't put pics of my mum's side, I wasnt wearing tudung! Mak Ina lar ni! :p)

Us again

I just love this pic!

PEACE!

-C-

p/s: Now back in INTI, i got THREE presentations this week

What else...RAYA!!!

Wow! I could not believe it! I survived my first Ramadhan away from home... Like, wow... Although it's so much different here, especially the lifestyle, but I did it... One month... Fasting here was of course totally different from at home. Firstly, at home I would be woken up exactly at 5am by my mum but here...that's just impossible! ...Well…that's exaggerating actually :p I did it on the first day of puasa. I went to sahur with Taufiq and Sofiya, later joined by Zaim around 5. But I don’t know why after that I consciously decided to go for sahur around the allocated hour of 1am-4am. I guess it was so that I can have an undisturbed sleep? Besides that, fasting here isn’t that bad. I mean, maybe because I was so busy that sometimes I didn’t even realize it's already almost time to break fast. On the other hand, at home, by 5pm I would have already started going zombie around the house. Then, at home all I have to do is wait at the dining table and whatever food will suddenly 'appear' in front of me (Thanks Kak Nor...). Here, usually an hour to half an hour before maghrib my friends would start asking me, "What do you want to eat today, ah?!" And it's crazy having to think of that every day....

But then, I survived all that!! And I got to admit that I'm missing Ramadhan already for a few reasons...

1. No more excuses for me to go out late at night... :(

2. No more breaking fast with all my crazy and disturbing friends... :p (we would usually combine two tables together. During a few occasions we combined THREE tables...)

3. No more as much free time as during Ramadhan because I'm going to get busy again with LUNCH.

4. No more dates (kurma)...

5. No more FOOD PARTY every Sunday night...

6. No more gaduh with Nik about going to terawikh...

No more.....I don’t know. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can't wait for Ramadhan next year here in INTI :) (And you already know one of the reasons Nik!)

But then, I should not be so sad since Syawal is coming around in less than ten hours as I'm writing this... :) And Syawal is a happy celebration that should b filled with happiness as we've won the fight against nafsu. And also because there's going to be the food..... Plus the cookies... The new clothes *cough*... But most importantly, I can’t wait to spend time with my family no matter how short-lived it will be this year. I can’t wait to spend time with Tok and Opah and the rest in Kent on 1st of Raya and I can't wait to get back to Ipoh for our gossip sessions after that. You people (my LOVELY cousins...) better have some real good gossip this time around!!! :p Seriously though, I am still disappointed that my friends are having one/two week/s off for raya but I only have three days... But it's ok I guess. At least I won't get caught up in the concept of Raya being a month-long celebration. Syawal (gosh the more I say it the more I miss my friend, Syawal!) may be one month, but Eid is just one day as that's the only day we're not allowed to fast. Never mind, I'm going to have my two months break to make up for this anyway. I'm going to do my heavy rounds of 'visiting' then ;-)

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!

-C-

p/s: Oh my baby, my darling, my honey, my sayang, oh my ASILAH thanks for the positive words darling. I really need to hear all that. Hearing you saying those things n in YOUR voice, it really lifts my spirit. I know I can always count on my homies to bring me back to life...(mcm lagu evanescene fulak...:p) Seriously though, THANK YOU. *hugs*