RESPONSIBILITY

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Today, I am going to talk on RESPONSIBILITY...

...Okay, let me backtrack a bit. I will start from the beginning.

Last Tuesday I went out with my girlfriend, Adilah. We were having lunch, talking, basically just have a nice girls’ day out. But then, me being me, I like to listen to my friends more than listening to myself talk so I let her tell me stories of her life in UiTM. And then, since we’re girls, of course 60% of the time were spent talking about boys. But then, almost everyone knows there is only one boy in my life right now, so the multiple 'boys' refer to Adilah’s. Not that she has a lot of boyfriends but just, you know, stories of how this guy says he likes her, but she likes someone else, and then she got into a fight with the guy, and then there was this guy from her past who recently admitted to like her too... Basically.

I got to admit the first few minutes I listened to her I had this 'pang‘ of jealousy. I mean, come on girls, don’t deny that you do like having the attention of guys. Of course it was no different for me too. I enjoyed my time flirting before; it was fun, however destructive it was for me. But then, the momentary jealousy last only about...two minutes I would say the most. Seriously. Right after that (and during the one hour drive back home) I did some personal analyzing and realized that...I’m done flirting to one too many guys. I am very happy and contented by having one that truly understands me :)

What does that have to do with responsibility? Well, let’s put it this way. Not many were too eager of my ‘decision’ early on. They said I am too young to take on the responsibility of committing to someone. There are still a lot of things to do, a lot of people to meet. They asked don’t I want to enjoy being young and free? All the while these people were saying these things to me, I feel sorry for them. Maybe it’s just me, but when they say they still want to ‘enjoy’ life, I take it as they haven’t find the meaning of life themselves, and it is okay. It's just that I have found mine: God, family, friends, doing what I love, and be with the one I love. No, I am not afraid to commit. Of course there will always be better guys out there, but how many of those guys are good for me?

And then I got into trouble with the PSD people. They said it is not that they don’t allow it, it’s just that they are afraid if I continue with my plan I would have trouble juggling my education as well. The officer said it is going to be hard to have two responsibilities on my shoulder when starting a new life at a new place. This is when I got really red but decided against myself and kept my mouth shut.

I don’t get it, honestly. What is the problem of responsibility? Why are people afraid of the ‘R’ word? Because they’re afraid they won’t be able to meet the expectations? Responsibility: The Ability To Choose Your Response. Life will always throw unexpected bricks at your face. Problems will only arise when we choose to stop believing in ourselves. One of the best example to look at it is like this: or education is our own responsibility. It is not our parents’ or even our teachers’ – it is wholly ours. There are two ways to approach education: whine of the hard work or take it as a challenge. I prefer to do the latter. It is not a matter of showing off, it is a matter of improving yourself to become the better. I realize that when I set goals that seemed impossible at first, I will become 170% dedicated and thus I will push myself beyond my own limits. It is no different with this current situation. I am not afraid. It could even be an encouragement.

Something is only a baggage if you see it as a baggage.

-C-

Eyes

Today I went to see the optometrist to get new spectacles for myself. Yes, I decided not to wear contact lenses in the States for it is troublesome. So I got myself a few pair of cool specs! :)

Anyway, it has been a long time since I felt so stupid. I'm a top student yet I could not read what was written on the board! It's not even words, just letters! ...Yes I am exaggerating. It was not because I'm stupid but I just have bad eyesight. Nonetheless...

And then after I had paid, the saleslady took a look at my card and read my address. She was shocked to find out that I live here in Nilai. I smiled and said I just moved. And then she asked me where did I live before and before I had the chance to open my mouth she said matter-of-factly, "KL." I just nodded.

I was laughing as I walked out the store. I looked at him for a split second and we continued laughing. How can she tell?

-C-

Driving Lesson

When I started driving my car, I was always asked this question by my friends: “Wow, your parents allow you to drive on your own?! But you’re only 17/18/19?!” Okay, it was more of a statement than a question. And then my answer to them would be, “Yeah, my parents trust me enough.” And then they would usually add, “Your parents are cool.”

Yup, I always glowed with pride every time I hear my friends say that. My parents are cool. I only need one week of ‘probation’ with my dad after I got my license before I was allowed to drive all around KL and beyond alone. It’s not that they don’t love me and I was given the freedom to do anything I want to, no. Instead, it is the total opposite. I know they love me and they trust me. They know I have always wanted to drive since I was twelve and my dad’s rule was simple back then. Yes I can drive, but he will never allow me to do so unless and until I got my driving license because he wouldn’t want me to get into trouble with the authority. So once I got my license, there’s no holding me back. They shall just pray to God I will arrive at my destination in one piece.

Yes, my parents are cool. But they’re not stupid. I was only seventeen when I got my driving license; a seventeen year old girl driving among adult KL drivers. There are only two things to worry about: one of the KL drivers hit me or I hit one of the KL drivers, or worse, if I have a run in with the police. My parents can’t control these things. If it happened it happened. But are these things to stop me from enjoying my right and privilege to drive? If so, when then will be the right time for me to start? Will the time come when they will not have to worry? Accidents can happen anytime, and anywhere, to anyone. Fine, they can only allow me to drive when I turn twenty. But what difference would that make? I would be wiser, yes, but not in driving necessarily because how can I be wise in something if I don’t experience it? How can I ‘know better’ if I don’t make mistakes and learn? I thought that’s how someone is supposed to become better at something?

Uh-huh, I had three parking offenses, two speeding tickets, stopped by the police twice for running the red light, once for speeding, and once went to the Sepang court for not having a valid road tax. I am guilty of all these offenses. Maybe if my dad did not allow me to drive I would be RM500 richer. Or, I would be RM500 richer until I make those mistakes, eventually. Does that mean that my parents are irresponsible for not waiting for me to become ‘wiser’ at driving? I may have made those mistakes but I am a thousand times better than a person who’s just starting to drive now.

A month after I got my driving license my dad surprised me with a car of my own. True, it is not a Saga, Neo, Savvy, Myvi, or any other –vi. Instead, my first car is a little Kancil of how many hands down, I have no exact idea. My point is I was so happy to just have a car for me to be able to drive to school! I don’t need a brand new car. I don’t need a ‘big’ car. All I need is something that has an engine and tires so that I can go to NZ Curry house anytime I want to meet my friends. I am, quite frankly, a simple girl. As long as I can get from A to Z I am happy. Sounds like I’m a spoiled daughter that gets all that she wants, eh? My parents have the extra money and I’m their last child. A simple gift is not much when you only have two kids.

If I want to follow the adat of society, I would only take driving classes after SPM as what most of my friends did. And then once I passed I need to ‘test drive’ with my parents by my side for a year minimum – as what most of friends did. And then I will have to push that ‘skill’ aside until I am able to afford my own car. The question is, why didn’t my parents do that? It’s so simple. Because I’m not like most of my friends. I did not obtain my driving license just for the sake of getting it; I seriously love driving. I wanted to drive since I was young because I want to know that I can be independent. All I need are the support of my parents and the trust that I can take care of myself.

My parents are cool because they have always trusted me and my instincts.

So then, why is this time any different?

-C-

07/07 - 04/09

One year, nine months, seventeen days. That's how long I was part of INTI. Now, I'm no longer.

My empty side of the room, the locked room next door, things that made me want to tear up.

No more shouting in the cubicle while taking my bath with the neighbor in the next one shouting obscenity.

No more the roommate's music as an indicator it is time for me to wake up.

No more, "Makan mane hari ni?" question.

No more studying at cafeteria, common room, or the first semester routine of studying in my room while chatting.

No more suppers at the mamaks at 2 o'clock in the morning.

No more, "Sape berat sangat buat kereta Syaza bunyi ni," while looking at a particular person.

No more going to the bakery with the hope of seeing different lauk but then disappointed every time.

No more picture taking around campus.

No more rushing to class if it is Professor Borges'...

Two years seemed to have passed with the wind. I had no idea where it went.

To the people that I hurt intentionally or unintentionally while I was in INTI, I am deeply sorry to have caused any sorrow.

To the people that shared their college experiences with me - my dearest friends - thank you so much. Although we had our 'moments', I love having such a variety of personalities surrounding me from the second I woke up to the minute I fell asleep.

To everyone that I shared seconds, minutes, days, weeks, or months with, I did not regret getting to know all of you. From the mamak buddies of my first semester, my many classmates and simply, all JPA students, thank you.

-C-

A conversation with a Professor

“Excuse me, can I have your email please.”

“Sure! I should have given you guys my card.”

*Smiled and waited for him to write down his email*

“So where are you guys going again?”

“Oh, the University of Pittsburgh.”

“Sorry, where again?” *looked up*

“Pittsburgh.”

“OH! Pittsburgh! That’s a really good choice! Oh, Pittsburgh is a wonderful place. The university is very well known with a good reputation over there. Hey, how come I never heard you guys mentioning Pittsburgh before?”

“Well we were contemplating between Pittsburgh and George Washington University.”

“Pittsburgh is DEFINITELY the better choice. You guys made the right decision. George Washington is very political – unless you guys like that whole thing. Plus, it is only one sided if you know what I mean! If you guys want a good academic education, Pittsburgh is much better.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! And Pittsburgh has a very good reputation for its basketball and football team... *pause* Maybe they even have a soccer team. Universities on the eastern side usually have more European oriented sports.”

*Looked at him*

“Do you guys know if any other INTI students are going there?”

“We don’t think so. A few applied, but we’re the only ones going.”

“That’s okay then since you guys will have each other. It’s always a bit hard going off to a new place alone at whatever age especially when you’re twenty like this. But you guys are going together so it’s going to be okay. You look out for each other, eh.”

*He smiled and pointed at the two of us*

“Oh Pittsburgh, and Pennsylvania, is a nice place...you do know that’s the state right?”

*Nodded*

“I don’t know how much research you have done but it is a very nice place. Pennsylvania is a conservative state...they have a liberal economic but a conservative lifestyle. You’ll like it.”

*Smiled again*

“What major are you guys doing again?”

“Political Science.”

“Oh, GOOD GOOD! That’s a solid major. Yeah Pittsburgh is the right choice. Hey I even know a political science professor over there. We taught together when I was still a young lecturer...(and it goes on to the name of the lecturer and all).”

*Tried to memorize the lecturer’s name*

“Well, okay then. You guys made a good choice. If there’s any problem just email me...or call me! It’s only what, ten cents now. You make sure you update me for anything, okay.”

*We both shook his hand*

“Hey that’s a good thing. Both of you have nice and firm handshakes. For a guy it’s a good thing but for a girl too. Malaysians don’t usually have firm handshakes. You guys are going to do great. Keep in touch!”

-C-