Uh-Oh (This is a Political Post)

The 2018 general elections presented a conundrum to a democrat like me. Yes, most of you, my readers, know perfectly well which coalition I voted for. But it was not as simple as it appeared.

I voted for Pakatan Harapan not because I truly believe in the coalition’s democratic potential. In fact, I was one of those people who truly hated their populist manifesto, and just by going through it, I knew they had no confidence of winning the election. More importantly, I entertained the idea of not voting because I didn’t want to re-elect a former prime minister who had had his chance.

Although I joined in the chorus of “Malaysia Baharu”, privately, to those closest to me, I expressed my doubt. How “baharu” can Malaysia be if we just elected a leader from “zaman lama”? For me, I see it clear as day. There was no “Malaysia Baharu”. At the very least, I laughed at the irony of “Malaysia Baharu” being helmed by a former prime minister who had led the government for 22 years in the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s. That seems like eons ago, now.

There were two things that made me doubt the coalition, especially with the addition of Parti Pribumi Bersatu Malaysia. Firstly, like I expressed to those closest to me, I have doubted the intention of those who formed and joined Bersatu. For the simple reason that if they truly believed in the reformasi movement, why didn’t they join one of the other parties already available?

Maybe I’m naïve. I do understand the political motivation behind the creation of Bersatu. None of the other then-opposition parties had the support of the rural Malay voters, and it is impossible to win the election without the support of this group of electorates. But on an individual basis, why didn’t these new Bersatu members—except for former UMNO members—joined PKR or DAP or Amanah before GE-14? Did they join Bersatu simply to gain political power or to fight for justice and equality as done by PKR and DAP for decades prior?

My second grouse is the role of Mahathir. Yes, again, I understand the political calculation of bringing him on board. His leadership definitely brought success to Pakatan Harapan in a way that has evaded Anwar Ibrahim for decades. Tun has the trust of the Malays. It just seems that everyone has suddenly forgotten the allegation of nepotism and cronyism during his first tenure as prime minister. I know that kleptocracy is the ‘in’ word these days, but there were other words filling the alternative media in the first decade of the 21^st century. Sometimes I think it is true that “Melayu mudah lupa”. People say give him a chance, as people do have the ability to change for the better. Maybe I’m just a pessimist. I’m not sure how much someone in his 90s can change when he has lived the previous nine decades a certain way.  

Just to be clear, I’m talking specifically about his political ideology. I am refraining from using the word authoritarian or dictatorship. Like Tun himself said, he would be the only “dictator” to resign. He is a politician. But is he a democratic politician? In the literature, we know there is a difference between a change in political behaviour and one of political ideology. The former simply means he has changed his outward conduct to appear more democratic. For example, choosing to form a new party to compete against the party that gave him a platform many years ago. Yet, it is very difficult to ascertain if a person has changed his or her political ideology to become more democratic because that is more entrenched. At the end of the day, it is our ideology that directs our behaviour.

People also say that if Anwar can forgive him, so should the rest of the country. This is when I had to check myself from giving my rude eye-roll. Anwar is a politician himself! Of course, he has forgiven Tun, because he knows without Tun’s support, he will never be the next prime minister. Anwar is a calculative politician himself, and that is how he has survived until today. God knows, maybe he has sincerely forgiven Tun, and I do hope so. But that is not reason enough to put someone in the highest office in government.

Why do I sound so bitter? Because I can see my prediction slowly unfolds itself right now. I’ve always had respect for Tun, even post-1998, but not for any democratic credentials he may have, but for his statesmanship. No one can deny Tun is a great statesman. Without him, who knows what Malaysia would look like today. When I was in the LSE, I only needed to say “Malaysia” and my classmates would say “Mahathir”. That is how synonymous he is with this nation.

Since he is such a great statesman and politician, I know that nothing happened in the country without his astute calculation. I am starting to question everything. From his “equal” distribution of ministerial positions, to his appointment of first-term MPs as ministers, to his acceptance of former UMNO members to join Bersatu, and to his CALL for more UMNO members to join Bersatu. When you say that the Malays are weak, you are implying that the non-Malays are gaining strength. This, in my opinion, is a very smart move to gain the attention of the Malays. For that, I am in awe of Tun as a strategist. Maybe I am too invested in the reformasi movement that I cannot fathom why we would want to sleep in the same bed with our ideological nemesis? In the name of democracy, let there be healthy opposition.

So why did I vote for Harapan? Because like I always tell my students, politics is about choosing the lesser of evils. I’m not saying that all politicians are evil, but I believe in the saying “power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely”. These politicians are in the game to gain power. Nothing morally wrong with that! We need people who are ambitious to run the government. But as mindful citizens, we need to always be on guard. Barisan Nasional or Pakatan Harapan, both have their flaws. But “tepuk dada” and ask yourself, which coalition would do less damage to the country. Some of my students answered PAS. Fine.

What would happen in GE-15? At this point, no one knows. But if the country decides to vote Barisan Nasional back into power, I have no problem with that. See, I’m a democrat. I believe in the democratic process to choose our government. Democracy is a process; it is not the outcome. I support the people’s right to vote in a free and fair election. That is all I have ever wanted. For as long as I can remember, Malaysia has never had a free and fair election. 2018 was NOT a year where we had free and fair elections. Yet, Harapan was able to dethrone Barisan Nasional. I tear up every time because it reminds me of the “people’s power”.

If the people decide Harapan is a one-term government, so be it. Japan had the same experience and so did Mexico. The important lesson is that as a nation, we have proven to the world that we were able to change administration peacefully, and thus the people shall not worry if one day we decide to change administration again. It can be done, and it can be done without blood being shed. That is the victory.

University Teacher

This post is dedicated to my graduating students. Congratulations!

I never seriously wanted to be a teacher. Never. I know myself. I am too impatient for the job requirement. When I used to tutor my high school friends, I would get easily frustrated when, for example, they couldn’t understand calculations for trigonometry or calculus just because Add Math came naturally to me. If I could understand it, why couldn’t they? I was hot-headed. My friends used to joke that they wanted to put my picture on their table during exam because they feared my angry face.

In college, I had friends who actually wanted to be lecturers. They talked about their dream to sit in front of a class full of students to share their wisdom and philosophy. I would just listen to those dreams. That was not my dream.

My dream? I wanted to work in the field. During my scholarship interview with JPA, I said that I wanted to be a political analyst, not really understanding what it means. I just wanted to work whether it be in a political party, or an NGO, or a think-tank, or perhaps as a special officer. But I never seriously thought of pursuing a master’s degree, much less a doctorate. I remember being an undergraduate and thinking I have spent ALL my life being studious, I REFUSED to continue my study. I thought I was sick of studying.

But then, life gets in the way and God has his plan for me. Just for the heck of it, like most of my current students, I applied to a few universities to do my master’s degree. I got accepted to all three of my dream universities: Columbia in New York, Georgetown in DC (with a personal email by the professor congratulating me on my acceptance), and the LSE in London. As someone who is quasi-superstitious, I felt God was giving me a huge nudge to do it. So, instead of applying for jobs, I spent my final semester and the following summer break applying for a scholarship. 

But the old Syaza returned following my graduation from the LSE. I WANTED TO WORK. No PhD! Even though by then I had two personal invitations by faculty members at IIUM and UM to do my PhD and become a lecturer, I said, “nope, nuh-uh”. Enough studying. Time to work. So, I did. For a year I tried working and it turns out…I HATE working as an executive. Sitting behind a desk with a manager breathing down my neck was NOT for me.

Leaving behind a steady paycheck, I went back to IIUM, accepted their offer to fund my doctorate and the rest is history.

So, now, how do I feel about teaching? I. Love. It.

I thought I would hate teaching. I used to tell myself that when I joined IIUM I would dedicate myself to research, and teaching would be secondary. Thus, I surprised myself very much when I accepted a part-time teaching position at a private college knowing that teaching would take me away from doing research. But guess what? I’ve loved every minute of it.

Why do I love teaching? Because it gave me hope. When I talk to my students, I realize that there is a glimmer of hope for Malaysia. Our youth are not as hopeless as the media makes them out to be. They just need guidance and some support. When I allow them to talk freely, a discourse materializes in class on issues that are close to my heart, namely the role of religion in politics. Coming from the US and the UK, I was pessimistic on how serious Malaysian students are to understand the separation between the private and public spheres. To my surprise, they understand. Not all of them agree with me, which is fine, but at least they are willing to listen and discuss. That gives me joy. And that is all the motivation I need to continue teaching.

So, the moral of my story is, you never know where life is going to lead you. I know it is scary graduating with a political science degree; it’s not medicine or engineering, so what should you do for a living? I’ll tell you; the sky is the limit. Seriously. Because with a political science degree, you don’t have to be boxed into a specific profession. I’ll just end with what I always say to my first- and second-year students: it does not matter what is your major as long as you do your BEST at it, because if you are good, people will come knocking on YOUR door.

Use Us

Since I am still officially on maternity leave, I have somewhat been isolated from the outside world for the last two and a half months. But a few days ago, I started my routine again of listening to news on the radio and I heard—for the thousandth time--a news item, which should no longer be newsworthy by now, about how our local graduates are not equipped with the right skills to face the challenges of working today. Probably yes, probably no; but as a college professor, I can only speak of what I know.

And this is what I know.

Yes, besides the science and technical fields such as medicine and engineering, we college professors do not really teach specific ‘skills’. But like I’ve rambled in front of my students before, do not underestimate the knowledge and other life skills gained in class regardless of a student's major, whether it be political science or Quran and Sunnah.

The most important skill one learns in university, in my opinion, is the ability to write convincingly. Most people I know does not appreciate the importance of a good writing skill. Writing is not about language proficiency. Instead, writing is related to our thought processes. I always tell my students not to write long winding sentences. It only shows that a person's mind lacks focus. But if someone can write coherent sentences that result in a coherent paper, it shows that the mind is trained in such a way to think analytically and in a structured manner. If a paper lacks coherence in terms of argument, points made, and conclusion, it shows that a person has not really thought an issue through. If a student has not even ‘thought’ about something, how can he or she be expected to ‘explain’ it well.

Analytical skill has always been touted as what’s missing among our graduates. I say, instead of sending them to do two years internship for them to get lost in the machinery, that time is better spent sharpening their ability to analytically think through a problem and to provide the necessary solution in writing form. A person does not need much to be able to do that besides the skill of thinking. And trust me, even in Industry 4.0, that skill will never be outdated.

Skill numero dos: speaking. Again, the same complaint we hear every year. Our graduates can’t speak to save their lives. Similar to writing, when we talk about ‘speaking’, we don’t mean language proficiency. Although being proficient in English would be helpful as it boosts one’s clarity in speaking, more importantly, the ability to speak in front of an audience is related to the confidence that one gains to speak one’s mind. Where do we learn this? During class discussion. During class presentation. If students cannot even speak up in class, what makes them think they would be able to speak up in a meeting in the real world? To convince their bosses to give their proposal a chance? Brush up on that skill at university first; no where else will one get the opportunity to focus on learning to stand one's ground, to argue with facts, and to know when to concede defeat.

Which brings me to my next point. Communication skill is also about respecting another’s opinion. In other words, the skill of listening. It is in university that you learn no one has all the right answers, all the time. We college professors argue over the smallest to the biggest points. That is how we evolve as human beings. Where else would you be lumped with people from different walks of life, with nothing to do but to ponder and debate on important issues, if not in university?

Some of my students have also made mention that they would love to have technical-based courses included in their program. In my humble opinion, those courses they mentioned (software-based, mostly) can either be self-taught or requires a weekend or two to learn. But what you get in a traditional class setting is something that cannot be taught in one weekend. I guess there's a reason this method of passing on knowledge has been ongoing for centuries.

What other skills do they always mention as important? Working in a group. Done. In class, there will always be projects that need more than three people involved.

The point I am making is to stop chastising the university system. There is nothing wrong with putting people through four more years of formal tertiary education. It is never about the facts learned in class (which most of us would forget anyway after graduation), but the development of an important set of skills including patience, perseverance, and dedication. All other technical skills can be obtained later in life. But as young adults, they need to learn to speak their mind, to provide solutions to unique problems, and the ability to think as mature adults.

A university is a place to produce thinkers. It is not a factory line producing employees. Good employees are basically good people who can think on their feet. Let’s focus on producing good people first. The rest will fall into place.

Babe In Total Control of Herself

Ten years ago, as a student, when my good friend Zaim asked me if I was a feminist, my answer was a playful "no". I remember the conversation until today. I justified it by saying that men and women are different, period (pun intended). But after getting married and especially after becoming a mom--a working mom--I am now a STAUNCH feminist. I even feel like God trusts me with three daughters because I am the right person to make them strong and independent feminists.

My initial foray into feminism started when I first got interested in equal pay. Like most lay person, I did not believe that there is a pay gap between males and females. It doesn't make sense to a young professional because when we first started, of course, we were all paid the same. But what happened after a certain period? So, I did little research on the subject and found that there is a real pay gap between males and females across the world, across professions, and across positions. Women are paid less in general because most women work in low-paying jobs, and women are also paid less compared to men with the same job title. Why? Apparently because males are more valuable to a company. Why? Because someone has to be home for the children. Even if a couple doesn't have children, someone has to clean and cook, and guess who has to carry that burden?

Don't read this as a scathing write-up against my husband or men in general. I have massive love and respect for my husband, father and brother. But society...man, society... When are we going to move away from patriarchal thinking. Society rewards men who stay at work until midnight, but society expects women to go home at 5 for the kids. While her male colleagues are brushing up on their work, the females are at home brushing the kids' teeth. Some may say that is how it has always been. Men bring in the dough, women are the caregivers. But my God how many times have I heard male speakers try to drill in our heads that we need two incomes to live comfortably. Women have to help their husbands financially as a sign of love. Don't husbands have to show love to their wives? Don't children deserve two parents to grow up well?

So, what's the solution? I don't believe anything will change until society decides to change. Stop punishing men (financially) who choose to go home early to be with his family. Stop expecting women to drop everything to be home when the kids are unwell. I have seen it around me. Female colleagues taking days off because the kids are unwell, the kids have to go to science camp, the kids have to... Almost every time I wanted to scream "Where's the dad?!" Working mothers have ambitions too, but she still has clothes to dry, dishes to wash, etc. Many times I've heard bosses/managers told their female subordinates that they can't do a job because they have to be home early. In my head I am sarcastically asking "And the men don't have to be home, why? Aren't the kids his as well? Isn't the home his too?"

I love it when I read stories of people like Mark Zuckerberg who took months-long paternity leave. This would allow for a more level playing field. I am not blaming 'men'; I am blaming society. How are men expected to take long paternity leave if his employer only allows 3-7 days leave? Some women take as long as 6 months to 1 year off to care for her baby because it is difficult to find trusted help. And when she starts working again, she would be behind her other colleagues. And that's only the beginning of how gender pay gap happens.

I am not just expressing my dissatisfaction here. I am currently involved in a research that is studying inequality at the workplace. It happens. But most of us are too used to it that we don't even see it happening in front of us. We women have been too kind for so long, accepting whatever is offered as if our service is worthless because it worths less. May I remind these women that they make up a majority of students in universities; they make up the majority of honor graduates. Demand your right. Believe me, the world suffers without strong women, not just to be behind strong men, but to be the leaders that we are. Remember the famous quote: "You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation."

Don't let a man call us a bitch because we like to adhere to a dateline. Don't let a man call us a bitch because we are organized. Don't let a man call us a bitch because we demand a pay rise. They have done all these the entire history of humanity. When women do the same, they are called names to a point that men fail to recognize the bitch they're calling are mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters. I believe most men have one of the above.

Unity in Diversity

The Unified Examination Certificate (UEC) has been in the news for the typical reason of possible national unity disintegration if it were to be recognized. While it is understood that the matter is complex and can’t be discussed in a short opinion piece, there are two main issues I would like to put the spotlight on.

The first issue brought up by Malay nationalists is the need to uphold or memartabatkan Bahasa Melayu. I do agree that as Malaysians, we need to at least have a basic grasp of Bahasa Melayu. But who are we kidding when we equate Bahasa Melayu with national unity? Sure, when we go to the mamak restaurant, workshop, or night market, we can hear Bahasa Melayu is the choice of language being spoken by the different races. But among (middle-class) neighbors, colleagues, or friends, I often hear English as the chosen language. Does it erode the affability among us? I don't think so.

As I have previously argued[1], language is not the make or break of national unity. We recognize Bahasa Melayu as the official language of the country, but it doesn’t mean we have to speak Bahasa Melayu in our daily life and it does not make us any less Malaysian if we choose English or any other language as our lingua franca. In fact, as a democrat, I am truly against the idea of imposing anything on anyone. When we force people to inherit an identity-marker that they are not comfortable with, it would lead to further frustration and dissent. To me, the feeling of being unwelcomed and unwanted for your choice of language is what would lead to national disunity. On the other hand, when people feel safe and secure to be who they really are without being discriminated against, there is a higher likelihood that they would carry the national flag with pride wherever they go.

The second argument is the need to learn our history. As a history aficionado, I will always support the importance of teaching and learning history. But as any other subject taught under our national school system, it is not the name of the subject that matters, but the learning outcome. What do our kids learn from their history class? I can safely say they learned nothing. It has even become cool to say that history is boring (which makes me a bore as well, perhaps). While I use to feel sad that my peers are so uninterested in the history of their own country, I now hold less grudge against them because, to be honest, our history class taught us nothing. It asks us to memorize some names and dates but avoided addressing the more important questions of “What do we learn from this?”, “How to avoid history repeating itself?”, and “Is there another interpretation of the same event?” These questions and the answers that follow will lead to further unity, not knowing the name of someone from a hundred years ago.

This brings me to my final argument, which is that as Malaysians, we need to move beyond superficiality as a nation. Being a Malaysian should go beyond speaking a certain language, going to a certain school system, or taking a certain exam. Call me an extreme liberal, but I truly believe it is time we speak of values when we speak of being Malaysian: tolerant, kindness, respect for the rule of law, respect for human rights, openness, etc. 

Identity is never fixed. The Malays today are not the same as the Malays from 500 years ago. We used to be divided along ethnic lines but now we call each other, simply, Malays. So why can’t the concept of a 'Malaysian' parallel this trajectory?

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• [1] Mohamad Shukri, S. F. (2017). The Role of Ethnic Politics in Promoting Democratic Governance: A Case Study of Malaysia. Intellectual Discourse 25(2), pp. 321-339

Gloves On #PulangMengundi

This is going to be a short and sweet post.

As many Malaysians are more than aware with, we will be going to the polls on 9^th May 2018, on a Wednesday. While my first reaction was frustration, my next reaction was acceptance and understanding. Since the past three years, the incumbent government has done everything in its capacity—all legal, yes, but still questionable—to ensure they would have a high possibility of winning the next election. Starting with Anwar Ibrahim’s imprisonment in 2015, to the gerrymandering in the recent redelineation exercise, to the dissolution of PPBM by the Registrar of Society, and finally holding the general election in the middle of the week.

The academic in me has a simple and straightforward prediction: BN will win the next general election. The numbers, the trend, the tricks, all allow BN to win, even if without a landslide. Add in all the goodies that have been announced just in the last few weeks, and you got a winning formula.

But there is an activist in me (although I have never participated in activism) that believe there is a chance that this final move of theirs would backfire. Sure, the logic of having the general election in the middle of the week is to suppress voter turnout. But let’s think this through. The BN supporters, while most of them live where they are going to cast their votes, are the complacent voters. The supporters of the federal opposition, on the other hand, are the partisans and ideologues who are mighty serious in their conviction for a need to have a better government. They are the ones who would make the trek home, rain or shine, weekend or weekday, to cast their votes. Furthermore, the supporters of the federal opposition mostly belong to the middle and upper-middle classes; it means that they are not short of resources to make the arrangement to go back to their kampongs. So, while there is no doubt that voter turnout would be low than the expected 85%, I believe there is a chance that a majority of that 85% would be made up of the opposition supporters. Therefore, I wonder if the incumbent government thought this last strategy through.  

A month from now, let’s see if the academic in me or the activist in me has the final laugh.

You can put on your gloves, so shall we.

People Unite Malaysians

As most Malaysians are now probably aware, there is a brewing religious conflict on the eve of the 14th General Election. Yesterday, the Malaysian Religious Scholar Association, or Persatuan Ulama Malaysia (PUM), released a statement on its Facebook page warning the police that religious violence may occur if they continue the hunt for Mohd Ridzuan Abdullah and the daughter he abducted nine years ago.

I am very much aware that this veiled threat is merely a warning and not a direct call for violence, but the bigger question is, as a body supposedly representing Muslim scholars, what have you done with the platform that you are on to put the unrest to rest? Why was there no counter warning that we Muslims DO NOT condone any sort of violence? Why succumb to the terrorist threat? Have they not learned that you do not negotiate with terrorists? Furthermore, I found it hysterical that PUM wanted to warn PDRM, which has one of the best anti-terrorism units in the world, to be careful. PDRM does not need to be warned. They are multiple steps ahead in counter-terrorism. Learn. I fully applaud IGP Fuzi Harun for his commitment to the rule of law. His commitment and courage to bring justice to the people is what a leader is made of.

On a more important note, when are they going to learn that forcing people to do what they refuse to do is counter-productive? Case in point are their two eldest children who on the record have said that they can now proudly declare their Hindu identity despite the forced conversion by their father. To be honest, I am not entirely surprised by their statement. Who wants to be associated with a religion of a kidnapper and abductor. Someone who no longer respects the woman he married and bore him children? If that is the closest example of a Muslim to them, why would they want to be associated with him? There is no compassion, kindness, or gentle encouragement from someone who touts to be an all-important father. Sadly, no emulation of our dear Prophet SAW who embodied all these beautiful qualities.

What is so difficult to drill into our heads that the best dawah is your manners, and the best naseeha is your example. Because a religious identity on one’s identity card does not a Muslim make one. Sure, I can somewhat understand the argument that it is nearly impossible to be a practicing Muslim when one is living in a Hindu household. But I still beg to differ. There are so many cases of conversion TO Islam despite them being raised Hindu, Buddhist or Christian. Because faith is a choice. The National Registration Department does not decide one’s religious identity. To be a Muslim one needs to simply profess that there is no other god but God (yes, I use God instead of Allah because guess what, Allah means God in Arabic) and Muhammad SAW is His messenger.

Another thing that baffles me is the way we Muslims act as if we are above the law. By being Muslim, apparently we do not have to respect the rule of law. I guess that is why they want to have shariah law without understanding what is Shariah Law. They bring out the Quran and say they must abide no one and nothing else except what God has said in the Quran. May I ask, does the Quran talk about traffic laws? So, you can simply run a red light and get other people killed? The Quran talks about justice [2:188, 5:89, 4:58, 4:65, 4:92, 4:112], equality [49:13, 23:52-54] and freedom from being bonded [2:177, 2:221, 58:3, 90:8-20, 24:33]. And, as we all like to quote,

“There is no compulsion in religion” [2:256], and

“And had your Lord willed, those on earth would have believed, all of them together. So, will you (O Muhammad SAW) then compel mankind, until they become believers?” [10:99]

Do not take these two verses to mean that we should bow down and do nothing when attacked. We can continue our jihad of spreading the beautiful, loving and peaceful religion of Allah to all those around us. And we should continue to defend our religion if others are hostile towards us or our Prophet SAW. It just means that Islam in itself is enough. People’s heart would be inclined to it on their own. This is the tenet of liberalism. That is why I am never ashamed to call myself a liberal. And I will always maintain that Islam is a liberal religion.

I once read that if after all our sermons and dawahs there are still people who are against Islam, it is time to look into the mirror. It is not Islam, it is the messenger which is the problem, which is US. We FAILED to portray true Islam.

Perfect Proportion

Anyone who knows me knows that 2001 was a defining year in my life. In one horrible series of events, the course of my life was charted. I hated how my religion was hijacked when 19 people hijacked those airplanes. I hated how hate was so widespread. I hated how the world was divided between us and them. I hated how we flamed the fire further with more atrocious acts by those proclaiming to believe in the same God. I hated how all these hatred stem from ignorance. So, I decided to make it my lifelong profession to bridge this knowledge gap.

More importantly, during days when I would cry reading the news, I always told myself, God must have had a better plan. There must be a reason for these horrible events. The Most Merciful and the Most Gracious would not have left us downtrodden for so long. It is my belief that nothing happens out of vain. Even when I was a young girl, I saw how dialogue was opened. Conversation was started. Real understanding began to be fostered. Personally, I saw it in Pittsburgh. I was blown away by not only the acceptance of the community, but also by their eagerness to learn about Islam. On my first day of class, I knew change was coming.

Last week, I heard the news of the hijab Barbie manufactured by Mattel. We are talking about legitimate Barbie, real Barbie, and not a knockoff brand of a female doll. Mattel designed a Barbie wearing hijab in honor of Ibtihaj Muhammad, the first hijab wearing American Olympic medalist. And I cried. I am someone who appreciates pioneers and brand loyalty is very high to me. To know I no longer need to buy a cheap hijab wearing doll for my daughters is a huge relief. And I believe we were only able to get here through a slow process of understanding, tolerance, and the acceptance that Muslims in the West are no longer second-class citizens. Muslims are not just the doctors who live next door to you or the ones with a Shawarma shop down the road. Muslims have just as much aspiration to be acknowledged and celebrated as part of society. We are normal.

As I said, this is not something that came about overnight. I have witnessed over the years a growing number of portrayal of Muslims in Western media. Yes, it is not just Muslims; there has been an increase in diversity on television to include more minority groups. But as a Muslim, it is glaring to me when a show decided to put a hijab wearing character into the narrative matter-of-factly. I cry tears of joy every time. I can think of the ‘P&G Thank You, Mom’ commercial for the 2018 Winter Olympics and the banned Pepsi commercial starring Kendall Jenner. These are just some examples I can think of right now. But it is apparent that Muslims—usually presented by a hijab wearing female—are no longer alien and misunderstood. There is a new level of understanding on the belief and practices of 1.7 billion Muslims. For me, that is the most beautiful thing.

Of course, the world is not all rosy and peachy. Islamophobia is still there. Unfair discrimination based on religion is still there. Nationalists who think Muslims who are born in the West should go ‘home’ are still there. Yet, it is crucial for us to believe that for every person who hates us out there, someone is willing to take us in shelter. I have faith in humans. Who else am I going to turn to?

Election of the Youth, by the Youth, for the Youth

Malaysia is facing a general election in the next few months as stipulated by the country’s constitution. There has been amped up efforts by the Election Commission, through its Election Academy, to get more youths to register as voters. These are all good measures in a democratic country. However, for years, there has been rumblings especially by the opposition, to make registration and voting compulsory.

While it sounds like common sense, there is a good argument against making voting compulsory. Firstly, in a liberal-democracy, the people should have the right to vote for the incumbent, the opposition, or not to vote at all. Usually, voters go out to vote as an expression of their political will. However, there may be a section of the population that is disillusioned by the political scene that their sense of political efficacy is affected. As a result, they could not even make up their mind who to vote for.

Of course, one can argue that as a citizen, it is their responsibility to decide on the future leader of our country. But another way to see it is that they may not feel that the opposition can do much anyway, so why bother rocking the boat. In this sense, by not voting, they are showing their support for the status quo. On another hand, if they truly want the current government to continue leading the country, the argument goes, they should make their voices heard. However, as disillusioned youths, maybe it does not matter to them who rules. Maybe, that should not be blown into a bigger issue.

These youths who do not have an established political attitude, may not make informed decision if they are forced to vote. Without interest in politics or the sense of political efficacy, they may vote based on the voting behaviour of their peers. How is that much better?

Voting should not be made compulsory. Let those who are politically aware do the hard work of comparing parties to choose the lesser of evils. If the youths feels their voices are not acknowledged, they may rise on their own, without mandatory registration or voting as it did in 2013 when 84% of voters went out to vote. This is relatively high among countries that do not have compulsory voting.

If we want the youths to vote, do not force them. Encourage them by letting them know that they are being heard. When the youths band together, they can move mountains. Or at the least, vote for young leaders as they did in Canada, France, Austria, and more recently New Zealand.

Viva la vide (live life)

A lot of people do not get why I am so obsessed with the American education system. Besides the fact that it is very rigorous (6 years to complete a PhD), the thing that I learned the most from my time in Pittsburgh that I carry until today is WHAT IT MEANS TO BE AN EDUCATOR. Before I went to Pittsburgh, I was taught under Malaysia’s system for 13 years (including for my pre-Uni, because let’s face it, those are MALAYSIAN teachers). What is it that I meant by the 'Malaysian education system'? They are meant to PUNISH rather than to REWARD students. I brought this issue up during my second BTN (Biro Tata Negara). The facilitator looked me in the eyes and said, “Malaysian students are not as mature as American students.”

What am I talking about specifically? Let’s put it this way. I was a foreign student thrown into the American system for the first time; therefore, 1) I am NOT a native English speaker, and 2) I had been taught in a different system my whole life. However, I graduated from Pittsburgh with a 3.99 CGPA (I only got one A- and that was a systematic issue as no student got high marks in that class). My point? As much as I am a hard-worker, there is no doubt in my mind that the lecturers chose to reward rather than to punish me. They saw my efforts and they graded me based on that. Me being a kiasu student, I took it a step further by making sure I met each of my lecturer so that he or she can put a face behind the name. They also appreciated my effort to improve by seeking their assistance. I did the same thing at the LSE.

Speaking of the LSE, even though I did not graduate with distinction, I GRADUATED from the LSE with merit. Yes, it was more stringent, and being at the LSE reminded me a lot of Malaysia's education system (exam-based). Nevertheless, because I put in so much effort, I got praised by a few of my lecturers in class. My LSE lecturers. They are world-class academicians. Why? Because they are not interested in nit-picking my mistakes. They wanted to EDUCATE me. That is my point. I learned what it means to be an educator. An educator is someone who motivates his or her students to continue this beautiful life-long journey of learning. In fact, I always tell my students that I am a political science student just like them. Once you are an academician, you become a life-long student.

I like to think that I am re-paying my debt by exercising the same principle to my students. Case-in point: from my very short experience as a lecturer, I was able to convince two of my students from different departments to minor in political science. They got interested in the subject. How did I do it? I pointed out their efforts and I downplayed their shortcomings. I have to take into consideration the fact that they are not political science majors, and they had ZERO interest in politics at the start of semester (MANY of them admitted to me that they got interested in politics after taking my class). I like to give them the time and space to get acquainted with the subject and to improve, because that was what my lecturers in Pittsburgh did to me. With their guidance, I graduated summa cum laude and among the top 2% of my class. I want the same thing for my students.

So what is wrong with the Malaysian education system? Malaysian educators are here to show you how horrible you are and not how you can improve. There is a difference between the two. My final words: go critique your own academic work. (That’s my civil way of saying, “Go *bleep* your *bleep*"). Mic-drop.

Of Hypocrisy and Absurdity in Malaysia

Is there any doubt that misogyny is well and alive in Malaysia?

Last Sunday, dozens of men competed for the title of Mr. Malaysia. You know what it is. Men, in their shorts, showing off their six-packs and other muscles in order to prove that they are the best bodybuilders in the country. Do you hear a viral ruckus over it? Of course not, because they are men. Look, I’m not here to tell you what you should or should not do, but to all Malaysians, especially Malay Muslims, can we have some consistency please? Most of the contestants are Malay Muslims, but somehow it is acceptable for them to parade their bodies on stage because it is a sport. Has everyone forgotten the cruel, unnecessary attack on national gymnast, Farah Ann Abdul Hadi for wearing a leotard? She actually won two gold medals at the 2015 SEA Games for our country. Again, I’m not interested to get into a debate of what’s wrong and what’s right. But I am interested to point out a few things about our religion that these conservative Muslims may have missed while proactively imagining themselves as moral policemen.

First of all, hijab and modesty apply to both men and women. It’s not just the role of the women to cover herself up in order not to tempt men, but men are also supposed to be modest in dressing, as in, not showing off their excessiveness. I know the limits of a man’s aurat, but modesty is more than aurat. It is a state of mind and physical form of worship.

For my second point, I would like to point to an oft-cited ayat, but seldom fully understood, much less fully practiced: "Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do." (24:30) God actually commands men to lower their gaze. When you see an attractive lady, you are not supposed to stare further, but to lower your gaze! Now, these social media trolls who unabashedly slammed Farah Ann for her leotard showing off the shape of her genitalia, where did your eyes linger? If you truly understand Islam, the moment you saw her picture, turn your eyes away and keep your comments to yourself. You are just giving away your lack of understanding by being anonymous keyboard warriors.

This idea that women should cover up for men does not stop online, obviously. I am still shocked that today, in the 21st century, victim blaming is still high in Malaysia. What is victim blaming? Saying that a woman deserves to be sexually assaulted by the way she dresses. Whatever your views are on the way a woman dresses, there is no justification for rape. OK, let’s dial it down. Whatever your views are on the way a woman dresses, there is no justification to call her names and to insult her. Do you really think that is what our beloved Prophet would do?

Call me a feminist, call me an idiot. But make no mistake, misogyny is a sickness that is not going away in our country.

There is a hadith from Imam Malik’s Muwatta which I find appropriate to end this post: “The Messenger of God, may God bless him and grant him peace, passed by a man who was chiding his brother about modesty. The Messenger of God, may God bless him and grant him peace, said, 'Leave him. Modesty is part of Iman (faith).’ ” Rather than joining in a tirade against this man’s brother, what did our loving Prophet do? He told the man to leave his brother alone. Insulting someone for his or her lack of modesty is not the way of our Prophet. Then what in the world do you mean that you are speaking on behalf of Islam when you insult other people for the way they dress and act?

Back to the Mr. Malaysia competition, again I repeat, I am no Islamic scholar. I am not here to tell someone how they should or should not dress. But please, I beg fellow Malaysians, if you can compromise with males showing off their aurat in the name of sport, show the same respect and understanding to females. If you feel it is necessary to review female attire for sports, please do the same for men. It is time for everyone, male and female, to take the high road and say stop this hypocrisy against women. Equality.

Open Season is Here

I vowed to myself I would not make the same mistake I did with the US presidential election, which is not calling it when I have a strong gut feeling over the result. I’ve never been good at trusting my own instinct and analysis, but I’m not going to make the same mistake again. Before I end up sounding pretentious if it is announced soon we are going to have an election, let me put it in words NOW: the Malaysian 14th general election will be held by the end of the year. Maybe some of you would say, “We know that!”, that is not necessarily the consensus. I have a bet going on with someone who works in the industry—the political industry that is—who is so confident the prime minister will not call the election until 2018. However, in a year, so many things could go wrong and it would be an opportunity missed for the government.

Here’s my take on it.

Firstly, the economy is rebounding. Before some of you diehard Pakatan supporters come at me saying both of your pockets have been burned, I ask you to think again. How many of you have gone on a holiday within the first five months of 2017? How many of you have your baju rayas nicely hung in your wardrobe even though Ramadhan is still two weeks away? Yes, GST was an evil creation by the government, but following some setbacks in domestic consumerism (which is still ongoing), Malaysians have now adjusted their spending habits without compromising their economic sentiment. All those rumblings on the street, though definitely founded, are not really represented in the numbers. Our exports went up in the first quarter on 2017, and our growth has been projected above earlier expectations. Unemployment rate is still manageable, even though our youths are still struggling to find good jobs. We can guess which side the youths are voting for. But otherwise, 1MDB has settled their debt, which is good for Malaysians who have always had short-term memory.

Secondly, it is mighty stupid for the government not to take advantage of the chaos that is the opposition pact. Sure, some have pointed out that it is a good start for the opposition to come up with one banner. But the question is, who is going to stay under that banner? A populist party, a leftist party, a rejected-by-UMNO party, and all the other opportunists who do not care about finding a common ground to work together from the get-go. Let’s just start with how ideologically apart they are. They are a coalition of convenience, not a coalition of governance. There is nothing wrong with that. We do practice first-past-the-post in our electoral system and they are just strategizing as any political party should. But their strategy can be thrown out the window if they cannot find an agreement with PAS. The way I see it, so long as the current leadership is still at the helm of PAS, the party will not compromise its principle in exchange for seats. Admirable, definitely; risky, they know that.

Finally, I’m going to predict that the next election will be held sometime between September and November of this year. In my humble opinion, it would be a waste if the government does not seize the opportunity to hold the election in September. The Malays would have just celebrated Eid ul-Adha, thus a celebratory feeling would still be in the air. Malaysians would have just experienced a feeling of coming together following the SEA Games, which uncoincidentally would end on our National Day. Malaysians would be on a high with a camaraderie spirit that has been missing for a few years. Diwali would be around the corner so the Indians would also be in a joyful spirit. They can’t hold it too close to the end of the year because everybody is leaving for their annual trip oversea (remember how we are not short on money for travelling?). Even though my betting partner said that the government would be too busy with the SEA Games, I argued that it is exactly what the government needs.

Oh, and another indicator that GE-14 is right around the corner is the mudslinging that has been going on in the media for close to two months now. The machinery is oiled and greased.

Happy making-a-decision-for-the-next-five-years-of-our-country!

Illiberal Liberal

America has a new president. Even if I am no longer physically present in the country, my home of three short years still holds a special place in my heart. In fact,  I always joke that I've been an American since I was nine. Today, however, I shall not bore you with my thoughts or analysis on the inauguration, the unique speech given by President Trump, or even the Women's March that followed. I am mostly interested in the violent protests, on the streets and on twitter, by the liberals towards Trump's supporters. 

I am all for public demonstration and our democratic right to protest to show our disdain or support for a specific cause. There is also nothing wrong in portraying your thoughts and emotions peacefully online. Even if it won't affect immediate change, it is useful as a means to educate the masses. But I definitely do not support the arrogance of telling 63 million people that their ideas and beliefs are plain wrong. You may argue that they are violating basic principles of human rights, but most of these ideas are debatable and still without a conclusion today for the simple reason that roughly half of the population cannot agree with the other half.

As a political liberal myself, believe me when I say that it tortures me to come face to face with the reality that there are as many conservatives in the world as there are liberals. But last year I learned something that has stuck with me ever since. While a lot of people do not like Wan Saiful Wan Jan either for his politics or personality, I once worked for him and I can tell you that a lot of times he just makes sense. At a talk I saw him last year he said, "Do not be an illiberal liberal". Since then I cannot get that quote out of my mind.

I was once an illiberal liberal too. I cannot fathom how and why anyone in this day and age can still hold on to conservative ideas. In the case of Malaysian Muslims, ideas that have NO precedence in basic Islamic teachings or even political history. They are just ideas conjured up by a specific group of people at a specific time under specific circumstances. But the fact is people still hold on to these ideas because of familiarity and to maintain peace in society. Is that entirely wrong? Well, educating ourselves is a much better option. Do they hurt society? Well, that is totally arguable too. But I realized if I am ever to call myself a true liberal--a believer in the freedom to choose and to think--how can I question the choice made by other people that may economically or politically benefit them. Who am I to say they are wrong? That's what democracy is about. And I choose democracy over dictatorship any day. 

Friday's inauguration may be a hard pill to swallow especially since Mrs. Clinton won the popular vote. Trust me, I know what it feels like. I was filled with anger and disappointment too in 2013. Yes, maybe the system needs an overhaul for an election result to fairly represent the people's choice both in the USA and Malaysia. But more importantly, there is no need to spread further hate towards others who are merely different from you. They are not criminals. As liberals, we are supposed to uphold the virtue of tolerance and diversity, and it does not mean just among us. 

Anyway, they already had a difficult first day. No spinning from the Press Secretary can sway people's opinion over the FACT that there was a much lower physical turnout on Friday compared to eight years ago. 

Beautiful, Passionate, Dedicated

I’ve been going back and forth for months on whether I should write this entry. With the passing of Carrie Fisher, I felt it is time someone say something, and thus my decision to put my thoughts into words. What do I have in common with Princess Leia, you may ask. Well, I hope a lot. But it is how people remember her that gave me the encouragement I needed.  Besides praising her role in the Star Wars universe, most eulogy also praises her role in bringing Bipolar Disorder, and mental illness in general, to mainstream media in the 1980s.

Personally, after years of questioning my own sanity, God finally responded with an answer. In 2016, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I don’t need to go into details about the symptoms and causes as they are easily found online. But I would like to share my own experience. Only God knows the exuberance I felt when the psychiatrist spit the words out. Instead of denial, I was relieved. Finally someone was able to put a label to what I’ve been living with for half of my life. I’m not exaggerating. If someone scours through just this website, the symptoms are written all over. But I did not have anyone piecing them all together.

I started going to treatment in 2015. Unfortunately I was not properly diagnosed. I self-diagnosed as Anxiety. When I was told I have BPD, everything, and I literally mean everything, starts to make sense. My life starts to make sense.

Just like how Carrie Fisher refused to let her Bipolarity defines her, I shall not let BPD defines me. Just as any physical illness, it is just something I have to live with, but it is not my entirety. To the contrary, similar to how we applaud someone with a physical illness being able to get up and go on with life, it is time not only for our society to accept the reality of mental illness, but also to provide support and understanding. As someone suffering from mental illness, I can tell you first-hand that it is not easy to go through the simplest of daily routine. I never know if today is going to be a good or a bad day. I don’t know if I am going to be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I just have to wing it as I go. It is difficult.

I am not writing this entry to ask for pity. I am also not asking for people I know to walk on eggshells around me. I am writing to tell you that being diagnosed with a mental illness is not a death sentence. Yes it is a very difficult life. But look where I am now. I am only nearing 28 and I already have my PhD in the pipeline. I have two beautiful daughters. I can achieve whatever my heart desires. I just have to put extra effort than the normal person. If I wanted to, I can use BPD as an excuse to not get anything done in life; instead I am able to lead as normal a life possible in spite of my illness. If anything, my BPD makes me stronger.

Given my penchant for Hollywood, I have been thinking a lot about some of my favourite movies: Thirteen, Silver Lining Playbook, (500) Days of Summer, My Week with Marilyn, Blue Jasmine, Black Swan and Gia. All of these movies have a character with BPD. I used to watch some of these movies over and over. Somehow I felt that I can relate without knowing exactly why. Now I know. They are stories about my life. Take for example My Week with Marilyn. I remember after watching the movie I blurted out that Marilyn Monroe is now my hero. My mum gave me a weird look. I explained that I can understand how difficult it must be for her to overcome her anxiety and be who the world expects her to be. Or take Jennifer Lawrence's character in Silver Lining Playbook. She said that maybe people like us know something that normal people don't. I like that line because I have always been a believer that in order to be a genius, you need to be mad. Before anyone starts rolling their eyes, take it with a grain of salt as something a crazy person tells herself in order to make sense of her presence on earth.

Again, the purpose I am writing this entry is to de-stigmatize mental illness. It is real. It is not the devil. It is caused by some traumatic childhood experience, just as how a physical illness is brought about by excessiveness. It can never be cured, but psychiatrists are working on how best to limit the symptoms. Let’s applaud them. People like the psychiatrist who finally diagnosed me is the reason I am able to look my illness in the eyes and say, “Hi, nice to meet you. But you have met your match.”

Election Watch

As an after-the-fact, this musing may not count as much. Although I have predicted this outcome earlier this year, I did not put my thoughts into writing because I was too much of a chicken to declare an early victory to the right. I'm just going to call it my analysis for this surprising-yet-very-much-predictable outcome.

I may not be the best political scientist out there, but I have an intrinsic understanding of human nature. The first reason I called a Trump presidency earlier this year is because, as shallow as it may sound, I believe that middle-class men are not going to vote for Mrs. Clinton. We just live in that kind of world--a misogynistic one--no matter how much we would like to sweep that fact under the rug. No man, with his ego intact, want to see a woman leading him. If he is not a proud political liberal, there is no reason for him to go out of his way to vote for Clinton. It does not mean he is going to vote for Trump either, but he won't vote for Clinton. And we need to remember that Obama's success, especially in 2008, was very much due to an unprecedented turnout.

Speaking of Trump, while he is definitely a divisive figure, you have to remember what that really means. It means that for every American who thinks of him as a crude representation of the country, there will be another person who trusts and adores him, not because of his policies, but because of who he is in the public eye. Middle Americans who do not have the time nor capability to go through the intricacies of politics just want to vote for someone, anyone, with the personality to match a leader of a great nation. All he needs to do is to portray confidence and those with a TV set with no tertiary education will take that as a cue that he knows what he's doing.

Next is the economy. Poll after poll shows that the economy is the main concern of voters. While the official statistic may portray a recovering America, the perception is that it is not enough. People want more jobs, better trade deals and stability of income. Here's the irony: unemployment level has actually gone down in the past six years. It's an irony because unemployment has always been a reliable indicator in an election year. It shows that perception on the economy comes from many different sources these days. Or perhaps it is time we re-evaluate how people vote, which is no longer based on the depth of their wallets, especially when there are other pressing matter such as domestic security.

My final point, which is really intuitve, is that America is moving to the left at a faster pace than the average person is comfortable with. Even if Trump is morally bankrupt, most middle Americans see Hillary's social agenda as more dangerous. While Trump has had a colorful history, most hypocritical white Americans can say that his sins are forgiveable, thus, making him relatable. Hillary's fight for equality on the other hand does not make much sense to people who have never encountered outsiders or social outcasts before. In other words, while New York and California are more in step with Europe and other first world countries, the rest of America is uniquely conservative. Because of Hollywood, we sometimes forget the real demographic of the 300 million strong Americans who would like to see a country unchanged from the days of their grandparents.

At the end of the day, while we laugh at Trump's brash demeanour and his seemingly lack of a campaign strategy, that may have been his strategy all along. Him playing with people's fear actually worked because of the uncertainties we face this day and age. Politics is not about doing what's right, it's about gaining access to a limited resource. Can we blame Trump for trying?

I'm Calling It

We had barely passed the first two weeks of 2016 and ISIS has already caused grievous and heinous acts that resulted in innocent lives lost all over the world, including in the Muslim world. First Istanbul, now Jakarta, in less than a week. It sickens me how these socio-paths can detonate bombs on unsuspecting victims who are just minding their own business, going about their lives. More than that, honestly, it scares me that a teenager somewhere in northern Malaysia, spending too much time on the internet, is inspired to imitate these terrorists in their aspiration for a better life.

Before it happens, I’m going to call it. Make no mistake, I do not wish for KL to be the next target, but at this rate, I am not sure how surprised I will be if the city is next. And I’m sure I’m not the only person fearing the obvious seeping of hatred and ignorance into our society, as many other political scientists, political analysts, political pundits, and politicians are currently on our feet.

This is getting serious. Are we ready for it? I don’t just mean our security forces, but us, Malaysian citizens in general, are we ready to stand up and take a proactive role in defeating these terrorists before they could invoke the name of God in confusion? It is no longer about not being afraid; it is now about being two steps ahead of the terrorists.

I’m scared because unlike al-Qaeda, ISIS is interested in defeating the near enemy. In 2004, calls by al-Qaeda do not resonate much with Malaysians because: 1) we were relatively peaceful, and 2) the United States is just too far. Today, the situation is different. Malaysians are very polarized. We are afraid of one another, distrustful of each other’s intention. Making things worse are rising inflation and high unemployment, a unique combination in economic theory. How does this bring terrorists to our shores? History taught us that most rebellions are due to bread and butter issue. If the people’s pockets are getting thinner by the day, and they are feeling the pinch of trying to live adequately, they are going to rebel against the system. Add extreme indoctrination into that mix of frustration and we have the perfect recipe for disaster.

Maybe I can be countered with some withheld data and statistics of our special branch’s top-notch surveillance of the situation in the country. However I can’t help but feel with so many ISIS sympathizers, some may have fallen through the cracks… An anecdotal evidence by someone I trust is an ISIS flag flying proudly over a bridge in a kampong here in Malaysia. If the authorities are on top of things, how could they allow this? I am not throwing the police under the bus, but seriously, how can we found out about the two Malaysian suicide bombers in Iraq almost two weeks after the fact? Why can’t our politicians come out and firmly say stop with this nonsense? If it is for fear of losing votes, you can afford to lose the votes of people who do not believe in peaceful transition and democracy.

At the end of the day, of all the things I’m scared of, my main fear is of our emotions clouding our judgements. Just because they proclaim to be Muslims, it does not mean we have to justify their actions. Just because they are supposedly trying to uphold shariah (without truly understanding what shariah law is…a topic for another entry), it does not mean they are in the right. Just because there are Muslims patronizing Starbucks, it does not give the terrorists the right to kill, which happens to be one of the six major sins in the Quran. Suicide? Yes, that’s haram too. Check out ayah 29, surah An-Nisa.

As usual, let me end with a personal experience. A year ago, when we are still trying to make sense of this new terrorist group, a mother of one of them made a statement in a Malaysian newspaper about how her son was unjustly labelled a terrorist when he was simply a jihadist. I was shocked at such brazen statement entwined with misinformation. But I was more surprised that the person who showed me the article actually showed sympathy to this lady for no other reason except for the person’s own ignorance in defending anything that has to do with ‘Islam’. If one of them is in my circle, I suggest you take a look around and see who among your friends, family members, and neighbours sympathize with these horrible human beings. Then, be very careful.

When Love Strikes

I have had nightmares for two days this past week. They are almost similar in context: I am either crying or distressed over discrimination faced by Muslims in the West following last week’s terror attacks in Paris. These events and the subsequent outpouring of hate by misinformed individuals just brought back the memories and fears I had growing up. After 9/11 I thought it would be impossible for me to reach my dream in the West, if not for an official ban by the government, then by unofficial bigots on the streets. However, when I did reach America eight years later, I was surprised to find a people that were eager to learn more about my religion. More than that, I found them to be kinder, gentler, more compassionate, more conscientious, and more Islamic in action than Muslims in Malaysia. I was in love.

Of course, there were occasional bouts of incidents which are obviously steeped in Islamophobia. And though we should condemn Islamophobia, there is no running away from the fact that these terrorists did profess to be Muslims and invoked the name of God before killing themselves. These supposed Muslims kill hundreds and thousands of innocents for no reason other than professing a different faith. But I know better than to call this a religious act of war. This is a political game they are playing. The only reason they are attacking the West is because of their own disenfranchisement, caused by decades of mismanagement by the political establishment at home. Why shout “Allahu Akbar” then? Because it is the easiest rallying call.

I see it around me all the time. People get so emotional that their judgement gets clouded. In the end, the terrorists win. What these cowards want by blowing up themselves is for the cycle of hatred to continue: the West blames Muslims, Muslims get angry at the West, some radical Muslims took it too far and blows up a Western landmark, and Islamophobia continues. This is what the coward terrorists want. Why should we give in? We should stop the cycle and start spreading love. Stop the hate. When people start to question, why mourn the loss in France but not in Beirut? Who says we don’t? If the media did not cover those horrendous attacks in Syria, Lebanon, Iraq, and Palestine, would you be aware of them? So who is cherry-picking? The media’s report or your consumption of news? I understand the frustration when the death of Muslims does not get front news, but you have to be naive to expect otherwise. In the newsroom, there is a difference between deaths during wars and occupation, and attacks during peace time. 

While it tore me inside to read and watch the action of a lone man pushing a Muslim woman in front of an oncoming underground train in London, it also gave me hope when the many other passers-by came to help her. (A side note: following a spate of similar events while I was in London, I always, always, stand with my back against the wall while waiting for a train.) Then, I read and saw the images of French men and women giving a blindfolded Muslim man a hug in support of his—OUR--religion. I bawled like I’ve never bawled before. There are many of these nice westerners that show so much kindness to my fellow brothers and sisters in faith while I see ignorant Muslims around me speak of hatred to Chinese, Indians and Jews, when Islam is clearly a religion of peace.

I would like to end this by sharing something that has only previously been shared with my husband. Once in a London tube on the way to school, an old lady with a head cover stepped into the carriage I was in, carrying a backpack. Not any backpack, but a sturdy one that is usually carried by teenagers, not grandmas. She immediately started talking about what if today would be our last day on earth. Immediately images of my parents flashed by me (I am not exaggerating) as I tried to imagine how they would feel if there is no body for them to bury. Yes, I honestly thought I was going to die in a suicide attack that day. That was the closest I felt to death. The ride to the next station felt like eternity. I stepped out--trembling--even though it was a few more stations to school. I know it may sound silly to some as nothing ended up happening, and I’m pretty sure an old preacher rides the tube all the time. But the fear of seeing a person with a backpack talking about the last day on earth in a tube in London is too real for me to shake off even today. I just can’t help thinking about those who did not have the opportunity to assess their surrounding before death comes with a blow.

A comic for the nation

Multitude of emotions washed over me earlier this afternoon as I continue to refresh my internet browser for the latest update from the Palace of Justice. Words cannot do justice to how I was feeling—embarrassed, mainly—over the fact that I was at a Starbucks nearby and not standing with the people.

I am weak and a coward. I dare not jeopardize what I have built for myself and my family to show solidarity with the people. Instead, like most Malaysians, I sit behind my laptop, struggling to wax poetic over the political situation in the country. But unlike many Malaysians, I am an academician, with a purpose and responsibility to ignite change in my limited capacity. Most importantly, unlike you, sir, I lack the courage to face the injustice pervading our nation today. For that, I salute you.

I admit that I don’t really like you as a person or politician. It does not mean that I am in favor of your nemesis either. It just means that I have yet to find a political figure that I fully trust to lead the country. I don’t even like the people in your party. I find them arrogant and mainly interested in superfluous politicking, making them no different than those they criticize day and night.

However, I respect the foundation that put your party in motion more than fifteen years ago. I support the fight for justice, I support the need for a liberal society, and I support the effort to create a harmonious society. Therefore, all I can say is, “Be patient, sir.”

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I believe that your name will soon be written in our history textbook in the same light as our founding fathers. Yes, you made mistakes while within and without the government, just like any other political and civil leader before you. You are, after all, a fallible human being like the rest of us. But it is your courage that has paved the way for later generations to push forward for reform and for a better Malaysia.

Be patient, sir, for I believe that your struggle will bear fruit in a few more years as we see a generational shift in the make-up of the country. My generation, which has witnessed your ups and downs, will not forget all that you have sacrificed for us. My generation, though narcissistic, dependent, and unemployable, is ready for a new Malaysia that will come from this verdict. It shall not be in vain. This is not a call for the youth to band together in a renewed movement, for I am not an activist with the interest of crashing the gates on injustice. I am just an academician with an eye for patterns of cause and effects, and what I see is a renewed spirit for change that will continue for years to come. Will we soon be successful? I doubt it because of the many institutional challenges blocking our way. But will the people surrender? I don’t think so.

Sir, I hope you will be patient in knowing that you are the Mandela and Suu Kyi of Malaysia. And just like them, I hope your future is brighter than the bleak prospect you’re currently facing.

Be fearful, don’t, as fear by your opponent is the catalyst for your predicament.

Peace, His Destiny

Per written about me on the right side of this page, I see myself as an optimist. Well, optimist may be too strong a word; I am a person who likes to see my glass as half full. This positive attitude of mine is the simple result of my strong faith in society and in God. Seldom do I stress over the little things in life because my faith in people is greater than my doubt for their ability to do the right thing most of the time. Also, seldom do I complain about my present life circumstances because I have faith that God has written a much more beautiful story arc for me than I could ever imagined.

When I first started on my journey to become a student of political science, I honestly could not answer to those inquiring about my plan once I was conferred with a piece of paper that has BA in political science written on it. All I knew was that I had a really strong desire to study power structure and ways for goodness to permeate throughout society especially to those at the bottom of the power pyramid.

In Pittsburgh, the first class I attended was not a course on political science, but a history course on Islamic civilization. I decided to enroll in that specific course because I thought—wrongly—that it would be an easy A to me, a Muslim who grew up in a Muslim-majority nation. More significantly, my decision at the eleventh hour just before class actually began to enroll in that specific class became the stimuli that evoked my interest to better understand Islam and Turkey (as successor to the Islamic Caliphate). Since then, every project, every paper, ever class presentation that I did at Pittsburgh revolves around issues affecting the Muslim world.

That was what I wrote in the essay that got me accepted to the London School of Economics and Political Science to do my MSc.

Now, roughly 5 years later, I am a PhD candidate and Fellow at the International Islamic University of Malaysia. The first month I am here, almost everyone I met, from fellow classmates to professors, have asked me the simple question of why would an LSE graduate come to IIUM? Honestly, I had also asked that question myself.

But at the end of the day, as much as these all seems to be my doing, it is actually not—it is His doing. Of course I would be lying if I said I did not wish to do my PhD at another prestigious university in the UK or maybe even go back to the US. But as He had planned for me, I got pregnant the minute I touched down from London, and my priorities changed upside down. As a consolation, I applied to the best university in Malaysia and was accepted, with one of the best professors around agreeing to supervise my thesis. But again, as He had planned, the professor got politically entangled and my employer wanted me to familiarize myself with the school that I am going to eventually teach in one day.

Now, here is the irony: never in my youthful days had I ever consider applying to IIUM, because I felt it was too Islamic for my liking. But now, after a quarter of a century under my belt, I am neither lying nor being defensive when I say that I am very excited to be a part of IIUM.

First of all, I am excited to be part of IIUM because I can’t wait to become a better Muslim holistically. One of the issues I have always had was in term of dressing Islamically appropriate. I remember divulging to my husband and roommate in London how I envy those who are comfortable dressing according to the Shariah in a non-Muslim country. I envy them. I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be confident displaying my religion unapologetically. Yet I was weak. I succumbed to the fashion world as marketed by the industry while ignoring my inner desire to be a better Muslim. At IIUM, I am expected to conform not to ‘their’ rules, but to God’s rules, and I am more than happy to abide. The happiness and contentment within me, I believe, is part of God’s plan to bring me closer to Him.

Secondly, I feel like IIUM fits my long-term goal to be an expert in Political Islam with as much an emphasis on Islamic knowledge as well as on political science. See, I used to question every day and every night, why has God written ‘political science’ on my destiny card, and not medicine, law, mathematics or even psychology. Now I have the answer. It is because of my desire to study Political Islam that I acknowledged the need for me to have substantial knowledge on the religion itself if I am to speak about politics according to the religion. As a result, I have learned so much more about Islam. More importantly, I feel so much closer to God.

Who would have thought political science will be that which brought me closer to Islam. If the purpose of life is to submit, I am happy to say that I am on the right path.

Raise

A lot of people today value achievements over morality, a phenomenon that is widely witnessed by over-eager parents wanting to raise the next Albert Einstein. While there is nothing wrong in having big dreams for your little ones, my husband and I decided to take a different approach even way back when we were yet to get pregnant. We both agreed that the most important value we want to instill in our child is kindness. Even though no parent wants to raise a monster, the emphasis is put on the words ‘most important’.

One of my favorite anecdotes on an Islamic figure is about Imam Malik and his mother. When Imam Malik told her of his desire to learn from a religious scholar, she put him in his best clothes and turban, and told him to learn from his teacher manners (adb) before learning from him knowledge (ilm).

The simple reason this little insight on one of the greatest Islamic scholars left a huge impression on my consciousness is because of my personal experiences meeting people who are categorically smart but are despicably horrible human beings. I have been around quite a number of people who are clever by virtue of their level of education or them receiving academic awards. However, only a handful of these smart people deserved to be called decent human beings, while the rest are blinded by their good fortune that they fail to recognize the need to be respectful and humble towards everyone. It is not too difficult to understand why this is so; as anything else in life, intelligence is a test from God. One’s increase in knowledge can either lead to a greater sense of empathy or arrogance, with the latter usually being the case. For all these reasons, I am more interested in my child becoming well-mannered, mindful of other people, animals, and the environment, and not worry about avoiding sweets and sodas in fear of raising a ‘dumb’ kid.

I have wanted to write about this topic since we first found out I was pregnant, but decided against it. After all, I too am constantly on a journey to improve my behavior and relationships. However, I felt it is a good time to briefly mention this issue following the road rage incident by a female driver during the month of Ramadhan. It is incomprehensible how someone could be so rude, especially after the other person has obviously waved the white flag by apologizing. To repeatedly scold someone—even if the person is guilty—is not only annoying, but also shows there is an empathy deficiency in our society.

In the said road rage incident, there were comments on the abuser’s religious attire. Although we should not judge a person by his or her fashion choices, I do see a problem in the fact that, again, we are focusing on imparting the wrong values to the next generation, and in this case and many other, the physical need to wear a hijab over being nice. Rather than stressing the need to uphold one’s religious image, it is essential to teach responsibility, gratitude, and courtesy. Along that line, being proud of going to religious seminars do not mean much if our demeanor does not reflect our knowledge, thus creating an opportunity for others to question the validity of our knowledge, or worse, our religious belief.

Rarely have I heard someone being castigated for their lack of knowledge (except by some holier-than-thou acquaintances of mine who think it is somehow a fault to be unlucky in education), but as the road rage incident shows, Malaysians from all walks of life came together against an impolite person whose only defense might be that she does not think she was being recorded, regardless of the fact that Muslims know they are being watched all the time by the Creator. Therefore, no other logic is needed to justify my obsession to raise a child that is aware of other people’s rights and feelings over her own selfish needs to rise above in this dog-eat-dog world that is just a blink in the eye compared to a lifetime of happiness or wrath on The Day.