G20

I know I made the right choice by choosing Pittsburgh. Yeah, White House won't be like five blocks away compared to the other university on our list. But it's still a good place for political science students this year since the G20 Summit will be held in a few weeks time right here in Pittsburgh. I may have sign up for 'activities' that I can't disclose here...and I'm excited!

-C-

Worth vs Cost

I can't even describe the feeling of eating Malaysian food (though at a higher price and not-so-sedap) after three weeks being here. Especially during Ramadhan. It was heaven on earth, no kid.

-C-

Introduction to Islamic Civilization

So today was the first day of the Introduction to Islamic Civilization's recitation class. Basically the recitation class splits the 200 or so student from the lecture to smaller groups of about 20 people. This is so that students can ask the teacher assistant more detailed questions without wasting too much time of the lecture.

The class started today with an introduction of each of us. I was amazed at how many of them wanting to take the subject because they're interested and not just to fulfill a requirement. Of course some do, but not most. A lot of them had questions regarding the comparison of the three Abrahamic religion, which is understandable since they're familiar with the other two, and not Islam. I was more than willing to give my input in this class.

I think, I answered the best I could to both questions raised which are:

"If at first Christians and Jews seem to support Muslims, where did the later animosity comes from?"

"Why do religions that claim to call upon peace go on and conquer places by means of violence?"

Even though I have a slight idea of the answers, I did not answer right away but waited to see what the others have to say on both subjects. As Rassyid said during the introduction, we're in this class because we want to get the western perspective on Islam. And I think I'm satisfied with what I got today.

Ms Titas, who is doing her PhD in History at Pitt, does not seem to have much knowledge on the basic of Islam, which I don't blame as she admitted that the first minute in. So, as a Muslim myself, I felt that I have to say something not to 'protect' Islam necessarily, but because I believe in what I say as the truth. Even though Rassyid said I was kind of too firm when answering, I did not mind. As we know, Islam is not something to be taken lightly. It is a very serious religion so I think I did good. I so want to be a good representative of Islam here. I really hope this class will help me.

-C-

Bees

"Life is like a swamp of bees. You should not be afraid. But don't be an idiot too. That's why you wear long sleeves. And don't swat. Don't even think of swatting. Most importantly give love. Everybody likes a bit of love." ...or something like that :p That's something I learned from watching The Secret Life of Bees. Been repeating those words to myself these days.

-C-

Things I Want My Daughters to Know

I just finished reading a book I bought in Kinokuniya, before I went, to accompany me during journey. The book is titled ‘Things I Want My Daughters to Know’. I showed it to my mum the day I bought it. Why the book caught my attention is because of the life junction I’m at. I mean, I don’t mean to sound like I’m at a dead end or something. But I guess there are things that I could learn a thing a two from the book. Basically the book is about a mother who died of cancer and left her four daughters letters and her journal to help them carry on with life.

But the thing that I can’t forget most from the book is when her eldest daughter, Lisa, came up to her and confided that her new love is a divorcee. Her mother said that that’s great. She told her daughter never to underestimate the ability of a person who can love and love again. She also said that the virgin – emotionally – has less to offer. When I read that I put the book down for a second to think… We’ve always heard the expression “It is better to have love and lost than never to have love at all.” I think it’s no secret that I agree to that 100%.

I know the conservatives at home are shaking their heads in disapproval. I know the adults are mumbling how those ‘loves’ are actually infatuations. But how are they to know? Can they feel what everyone feels? They’re saying that because they can’t bear the idea of their kids growing up. And when the child loses his love, they cheer silently. The thing that I want your attention for is that when the child goes through a heartbreak yet is able to live on and continue to love and trust another being is simply…amazing.

The other thing that I can't let go of the book was the mother’s letter to the husband she left behind. She told him to not be afraid to fall in love again. She said that being able to love and love again after each of her babies was born proves that a human’s capacity to love is massive.

Why am I writing all these? Because I miss my family so much. Not in a bad ‘I’m homesick’ kind of way, but in a good ‘If I have one more day I just want to say I will never stop loving any one of them’ kind of way. It’s good. From reading the book I rediscover both my love, and theirs towards me. I realized what unconditional love really means. When I first got to know Rassyid I asked him what does he look for in a partner and his answer was simple: someone who can love him unconditionally. Days and nights I thought of his answer. What does it mean to love a person unconditionally? Can you really love the person if he has cheated on you? Can you love a person who is not ready to have a baby with you? Can you love a person who is not related to you as you do your family? Can you love a person who murders? The answer that I came up with was “NO”.

But then I read the book and I realize that when I answered “no” before, I was using my head, not my heart. My heart now says that if I want to, I can totally forgive the person whom I love unconditionally. As long as the person is happy, that’s all you would ask for. That’s unconditional love. If he doesn’t break the law – both of the human and of God – then there’s nothing that should hold your love for him.

How did I realize all these? I thought of my parents. I thought of growing up in their home. I thought of the advices that they’ve given me. I thought of the things I did. I thought of their facial expressions, of their words. How I didn’t believe them then but I do now. I know now that they know me so much better than anyone. And they allow me that room to grow into my own self, and I’m eternally grateful for that. I know of their disapprovals and disappointments, though I let my ego get in the way and not let it affect me before. I now know better to admit all that.



This is my current desktop background. Yes, I’ve replaced the picture of my university with a picture of them. My dreams mean nothing if not for them. Thank you for teaching me that in order to love, there’s nothing else to ask for except to being love back.

-C-

p/s: Three things that we get pahala for without niat: 1) Seeing Baitullah, 2) Reading letters of the Quran, 3) Looking at your parents’ faces with kindness. I’m so sad I no longer can do the third one for a year…