Ratu Sesat

Anyone remembers the story of me going through Damansara to get back home from Tugu Negara?

Or of a year ago when I lost Nik and just went straight on the highway heading to Shah Alam?

Or my countless stories of taking the wrong turns, and u-turning back...or sometimes I don't even take the u-turn and just find the next exit that's familiar.

But most times I'm not lost but just missed out on the right exit and ended up further from my destination.

Reckless? Irresponsible? Careless? Dumb? Or plain stupid for not 'planning' ahead? You choose.

Today I got lost again. But as usual, it was caused by my negligence to read the signboard clearly. Or maybe blame, as the above-mentioned Nik does, on Malaysia's signboards that are right.at.the.turning. Instead of heading to KL from Shah Alam, we (me and Adilah) were heading for Sabak Bernam. After I "touchED'n'WENT", we were both speechless as the scene was...unrecognizable. When Adilah spoke up I said, "Well, at least it's pretty in green." Then of course she screamed at me and asked me to take the u-turn and alas we were back at square one: in Shah Alam. I just so happen took the flyover instead of turning left. Small mistake :p

Anyway, after laughing our ass off, Adilah said, "Aku tak penah tak sesat kalau naik keta ngan ko long distance (figuratively: I always got lost with you)." And then I told her of what Diana once said, "There's always an adventure whenever I'm in the car with you (something like that)." I know it's my fault because the time that's wasted was of mine and others. But come on, admit it, it's when we're lost that we bond either through laughter, cries, screams, or just by seeing new sights.

I know that's what happened in the car today :)

-C-

My Boyfriend, In Memory

-C-

Circus

Ok don't laugh...













I actually cried listening to Britney's new songs. ...OK I may be exaggerating. I didn't exactly weep, but tears did come down my cheeks. I'm OBVIOUSLY going to buy her album this week (which came out last Tuesday on her birthday). I was just doing a bit 'pre-shopping' as I went through her songs online. And three songs caught my attention: 1. My Baby, 2. Out From Under and 3. Blur.

The first one is obviously about her sons. The second one is actually a cover and I found the original version yet I like Britney's more. It's about letting go of her past and you can really hear the regret in her voice and her wish in trying to make a new life. And the last one really touched me. It's about her state of...being high. Of not knowing where you are but wanting to get home. She's really turning a new leaf after all that had happened last year :')



-C-

AUP

Finally I have something to write about after so long! :)

Yesterday I went to a friend’s house and I met a few old schoolmates that I haven’t talked to since they went to boarding schools. Of course all of us now are in different universities and colleges and therefore we were exchanging stories on our experiences. Then suddenly they were talking about how hard physics is. I joined in and said I agree. And then when they moved on to calculus I said it shouldn’t be that hard. And then one of my IT major friends were complaining about her java class and although I didn’t take the class I still butt in and said programming is interesting (based on the few flowcharts classes in Ms Chong’s class). And then one of them asked me what I am taking. I said political science. And then she shook her head and asked again, “No, what subjects are you taking?” I said anything I want and all eyes were on me.

I have always wanted to go to the States for as long as I can remember. The first thing that attracted me was the environment. I love it as the place you can grow into your own self without anybody or anything to hold you back. Second of all, I remember growing up and reading all those teen novels I always love it how the students can learn biology one period and after the next bell go to art class. How amazing I thought. Because I truly, madly, deeply hate it that I was STUCK in the science stream for the two years after PMR. I don’t understand why I can’t choose to take add math, drop biology, and take geography. Well, technically I can but I know how the teachers will react if I suggest it.

So now, this is it, this is finally my time. I want to learn EVERYTHING. University life is not just about getting a degree and walk away. Well, maybe that’s the notion here in Malaysia so that’s why I am very glad I’m out of it. I hear my friends talking about how they are just studying whatever it is because that was what were offered AFTER SPM. I mean, AFTER SPM! They just look at these ten or seventeen subjects and they think they can determine the major for these kids? And then I hear about my engineering friends who have to take a test for the UNIVERSITY to decide which engineering specifically they are going to go into depth. It’s mind blowing! I know it makes sense. Only certain high achievers can carry tough subjects, I got it. But what if after that the student changes his mind? Where can he go after a whole year doing a specific foundation? So here comes the US education.

Just because we learn music or art does not make us any less well in our major. In this system, students can learn and grow for the period of two years. That’s it. After that they have to make a choice on their major. See, it’s not that bad. It’s not like until we graduate we don’t have a clue what we’re doing. It’s called a liberal education because they want for scientist to be able to talk about society and engineers to understand the economy of the world. It makes you human, not a product-producing robot.

Even after all that she did, I’ll still remember what Ms Lee said in music class while pointing at Rassyid and me. “This is the reason why the government is paying big bucks to send you all the way to the United States. They want you to come back different compared to local graduates. As an American graduate you are supposed to be cultured and that is why they have classes such as this music class.” And I agree with her.

I am a proud to be an AUP undergraduate. I am proud because instead of telling the world I learn about politics, I just have to say I LEARN. And what do I learn? Anything under the sun that I want.

-C-

If only

You know what the word that I hate the most is? ...if

"If only you would have said so."

"If only you had come earlier."

"If only you had picked it up."

"If only you had chosen the other one."

"If only you didn't go."

"If only you could make it right."

"If only you had waited for me.”

"If only you had told me."

“If only you would understand.”

“If only you didn’t scream at me.”

“If only you had been easier to live with.”

'If' holds such a negative connotation. It reminds you of something you could have done, but didn't do. Why do people want to remind others of what they DIDN'T do? Unless by saying it you can turn back time and we can redo things, then just keep your mouth shut and thoughts to yourself. If someone has made a mistake or make the wrong choice, help the person live with it. Because in life it is simply impossible to go back and do it all again. It's impossible. So the best way to handle it is to take everything in stride and move on.

"If only others would understand this."

-C-