Funny

I wrote a note at my Facebook asking my friends to answer some questions about me. There was one question about if they think I am funny and I got mix answers.

I'm sad...


I just realized something. The people that think I am funny are those who are really close to me. Maybe some - most - of you who are reading this do not believe me when I say I can be really funny to the point that I should enter Raja Lawak instead of INTI Idol (hah!). But it's okay :) Because seriously, those who are really close to me like Fayyadhah, Shila, Rassyid and some of my schoolmates always say that I make them laugh till tears roll down their cheeks. Shila once said, "I'm lucky I have a very funny friend to make me forget my troubles," while laughing at something I said. And Rassyid once said that my jokes are "Nabil Raja Lawak" kind of jokes. In other words, maybe low standard la for some of these budak-budak INTI. My jokes are not racist or sarcastic (sometimes). I'm just the kind of person that would sit back, observe a person, and - not make fun per se - make that person laugh at himself or herself. Because I have always believed that a sense of humor is when you are able to laugh at yourself and that's why I love to make fun of myself and of my closest friends. I guess I have to be really comfortable with that someone to know for sure that the person knows I am just joking for me to make those jokes. I'm not witty, I'm just a plain person who loves to laugh and make others laugh too at their own imperfections.

I miss those retards who appreciate me =')

Syawal, Me and Iqa ponteng tugas for a while.

My classmates...

Nabil taking charge =')

Sally aka Salwan (the far left) with her ANTM pose!

My baby...

-C-

Old Journal

I am in the mood of going down memory lane... far far down...

I started a blog six years ago when I was fourteen. Not early in the year though. My first post was dated October 20th 2003. It was a Monday. I did not plan or have even heard of the term blog back then. Heck, I did not even consider that blog as a 'blog' until almost everyone started to have blogs. (Too many b word?) Anyway, I actually stumbled upon this community. It is actually a site where people like me with this one particular interest meet and discuss. This community, they had a message board and chat rooms like most sites but after incidents affecting teenagers started to get out of control, they decided on a journal for teens to share their thoughts and dilemmas...with strangers.

At first I was reluctant. I did not know what to write about. So I just wrote 'Hi' for my first entry and when I checked the next day there were already four comments by people whom I don't know welcoming me to the community. It so happened that the journal just started so most of them were newbies themselves. I was touched.

After that, I started to write almost every day. I try not to miss a day. What do I write about? Mostly about my activities for the day. Sometimes I admit that my posts were quite boring, not thought-provoking enough, and repetitive to the point that if these people were my neighbors they would know exactly where and when I would be at certain time doing what. But I don't mind. Because I know they were not my neighbors. In fact, they were no where close to me. Yes, after a while us Malaysians started to bond and started to chat quite frequently. But even the ones that I was really close to live in Melaka and Shah Alam. Nonetheless, they were the nicest people ever. Not only Malaysians but I also started to have good friends from Canada, UK, Australia, New Zealand, Indonesia, and the US of course. They were as young as twelve to as old as forty. Sounds creepy? Not at all. The best thing was, I know that these people sometimes do not have a clue what I meant by SPM, and Maulidur Rasul, or Pasar Ramadhan. But their comments...it is as if they were next to me at the Pasar Ramadhan buying ayam percik together.

The way we bonded was special. If we read a blog that is interesting, we would leave a comment and it is expected for the owner of the blog to reply that comment at the person's own blog. I know, it is almost the same as blogging here or anywhere else. But the difference is that the people of blogspot, or blogdrive, or wordpress, or whatever, are so diversified. You don't know where the common ground between you and another blogger lies. At my previous journal, we ALL have one thing in common. If there's nothing else to talk about, we can talk about that thing. Personally, that was the best thing I remember of my tween-hood.

When the journal started, the site would usually receive more than 1000 visitors at a time. I would post an entry if I see my friends are online for I know they were going to read it a.s.a.p. when they saw my name pop in the list of visitors. During the first year, we were all competing to get into the top ten most read journals of the week. I once got as high as number four for one week. Number four out of 10000 journals! And what did I write about? Nothing! Just my sorrows and happiness, my downfalls and achievements, my heartaches and laughter, and what food I ate for the day from morning till night. How can you not tear up to such sincerity? Nothing has ever beat that in my life so far.

Why am I writing all these? Well, first of all, I just realized that this is my blog. I have all the right to write whatever I want to. Second of all, I don't care if I don't sound intelligent enough, or emotional enough, or funny enough, or wordy enough or even 'visual' enough in my blog. It is time for me to let go of all the expectations others and I put on myself. Yes, I will always miss the days I would get fourteen comments per entry by fourteen different people. Yes, I will always miss the feeling of knowing someone halfway across the globe was thinking of me even for just the few minutes he or she read my newest entry. Yes, I will always miss knowing that when these people congratulate me they meant it wholeheartedly because they have no reason whatsoever to compete or be jealous with me; they were so far away! Still, I'm going to try my best to continue writing as how I did when I was number four among thousands of writers.

My last entry on that journal was on June 24 2007. Why I stopped? Because the rest have also stopped writing and till today I will never know why they did so. Maybe because of other commitments? Most probably. I was fourteen then and I am twenty now. The thing that should change for me, unlike them, will only and only be my vocabulary.

-C-

Jason's Letter

My darling Orked.

God is answering my prayers. Maggie has decided not to have the baby. She said she won’t destroy her future because of one stupid man. I guess that means me. Orked, I don’t want to talk about her anymore. I want to talk about us. I tried to write a poem in Mandarin about you. I wanted to make you understand how I feel.

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. I tried for days. The more I wrote, the more empty my words sounded. At first I felt panic. I couldn’t sleep for many nights. But then, the panic would go away every time I saw your face, or just heard your voice. I used to write poetry because to me, it was like writing letters to God; to tell someone I couldn’t see, how I felt inside. Then finally, God replied. With a poem more beautiful than anything I had ever written. He gave me you.

You are my poetry from God, Orked. Let me hear your voice. Please call me. I will be waiting. Just call me, Orked, so I can sleep peacefully again.

Your sayang, Jason.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was doing a lot of thinking when I realized that I haven't written anything at all for more than a week now. I got worried. Am I no longer connected with the romantic side of mine? Then suddenly I remember of the last few scenes in "Sepet" and especially of the letter Jason wrote to Orked. I'm not saying I'm as sweet or as thoughtful as Jason is, but as I told him before, I used to write because I was upset and angry with the world that no one wants to listen to me. That apparently was also the reason why I started my first blog before. But now...now I don't have anything to be angry about. Because God, being gracious that He is, gave me a person that truly understands and loves me unconditionally. How can anything I write beat that? :)

-C-

Jason

I'm the kind of blogger that loves to write on 'big' or 'special' events in my life. And I'm the kind of person that is very particular with the timing; if something happened on a certain day, I'll try my best to put up a post of it in less than 12 hours. Yet, today is already Friday night and I have not written anything on Jason Mraz's concert. Here's why: While I was planning the entry in my head two nights ago, I realized that I'm going to repeat my other posts on other concerts since all are quite similar. Not much differ. Let's see:

1. Went with the girls and one sesat guy.

2. Got sesat along the way myself, per usual.

3. Ate McD in the car.

4. Park quite far because of the aforementioned sesat-ness.

5. Met the cousins. Passed one to the girls.

6. Enjoyed myself. Jason Mraz is superbly amazing live. The fact that he didn't need an opening act to warm up the crowd says a lot. Love love love the 8 piece band. All the while I was thinking how jimat it is to bring him to do a concert since he needs only one shirt for one whole two hour performance...

7. Went for drinks after the concert.

8. Did not get sesat on the way back.

9. Reached INTI around 1am.

10. Falling more and more in love with Jason Mraz.





The End.

-C-

p/s: I realize that I'm doing more list entries these days. Hmh...

God's creation

Yesterday someone told me of a story about a mutual friend. He said that this friend of ours had a rough time growing up for people were mean in saying things about him. This friend is sad because to his knowledge he did nothing wrong and did not disturb nor cause any problem to those who called him names. He did not ask for God to create him as he is. And it struck me then and there.

I feel his pain. I've been ridiculed when I was young. Well, all of us had. But this ridiculism becomes worse when I had a boyfriend that everybody seems to love. I'm answering your question now Elly why it troubled me that everyone likes him.

I did not ask God to give me only a brother as a sibling.

I did not ask God to be the younger one, subject to my brother's games when young.

I did not ask God to be active and creative outside.

I did not ask God to hate skirts when I started primary school.

I did not ask God to feel excited every time I was under the sun sweating myself - before.

I did not ask God to give me a feeling of excitement from catching tadpoles in drains.

I did not ask God to keep me comfortable in only track pants - before.

I did not ask God to give me such a loud voice.

I did not ask God to be an overactive child.

I did not ask God that adventures excite me.

I did not ask God for me to not care about my looks, my style.

I did not ask God to make me love running more than walking.

I did not ask God to give me the confidence to look guys straight in the eyes.

I did not ask God for a hearty laugh.

I did not ask God to be independent.

I did not ask God to be rough.

I did not ask God to be a leader.

I did not ask God for the patience to learn guitar.

I did not ask God to love rock songs - before.

I did not ask God for me to walk very fast.

I did not ask God for me to be a tomboy.

I did not ask God to be aggressive in getting what I want.

Yet, God bestowed upon me all these qualities that I treasure.

Why is it that some - most - people are shocked that someone so nice could like someone so rough like me? Why is it that some of my family members frown when I told them he actually DREAMED of a tomboyish girlfriend before? Why is it that most people have this idea that only certain types of girls can have boyfriends? God created me this way, which means for Him people like me CAN exist. Why are people questioning?

-C-