Engagement...or marriage?

Today I went to a dear cousin's engagement. Before I rant off, I would like to say CONGRATULATIONS KAK NURUL! HOWEVER I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR GETTING MARRIED WHILE I'M IN THE STATES! Okay, now that's off my shoulder.



Many of my relatives came today with issues of their own regarding marriages and/or engagements. I mean, personal issues. For example, one aunt will always be haunted with the question of, "When's your turn?" My Kak Nurul older siblings will also have to come up whether with a partner soon or a quick reply as to why their sister is going first. My other cousins who are a few years younger than her will be asked or simply said to, "Lepas ni time kamu la pulak," in our Perak accent and a slap on the back. Me? I was asked this more than once today, "Tak nak tunang dulu ke sebelum fly? (Why don't you get engaged first before going off?)" As what my Kak Yong said, more than one is plural; I was asked not once, but a few times.

And as I've mentioned before, I would love to see myself as Muslim first and Malay second. No, I have nothing against engagements but I don't, and I don't think the rest either, understand thoroughly the concept of an engagement. For me, personally, there are two main reasons why people get engaged. First of all, it is for the couple to get ready all the necessaries: financial, spiritual, and even physical. The second reason is, engagement is like a contract between the couple and the two families. They are saying that as long as you keep to your side of the agreement, we will keep to ours, and that is you'll be mine, I'll be yours, no one shall take any of us away, and we will meet again as husband and wife. But then, I remember what my aunt on my father's side (Kak Nurul is on my mother's side) once said after another aunt cucuk me on getting engaged too, "You don't need to get engaged now. Three years in the States is a long time and you will meet many others there." Of course, she doesn't know that I have someone that is going to the States with me and I did not bother to tell her then. But truth is, I agree with her. I have always been a person who believes in jodoh. That is, our partners have already been decided by God a long time ago. If he is for me then insyAllah, there will be no problem and we WILL be together one day. I believe in that.

Have you figured out the point of my post yet?

Therefore, I do not understand what's the whole interest over when I should get engaged. Why do I need to get engaged before I go off? I know for sure now I am going to the University of Pittsburgh and so does he. We have started scouting for out-of-campus places already. I am definitely - insyAllah - going with him. And unlike Michigan, or Penn State, or Minnesota, there ain't many Malays there; thus there is a low probability that I will fall for someone else (unless of course, I do.) So honestly, I get irritated and I just simply don't feel the need to get engaged.

Ready for the bomb now?

Since I'm first a Muslim, I believe in getting married, though. Okay, I'll give you a moment to read the previous paragraph again... So, have you figured out why? No? Let's see, I mentioned a small thing about us going to the same university and another less insignificant detail about not many Malays will be there. Fine, fine, call me gatal, I allow you to. You know what my response will be? I'M JUST HUMAN. Yes, I try my BEST everyday to be a good Muslimah. I pray to God everyday to keep me away from sinning. But fact is, I will be in the States without any of my close girl friends, and I will be there for three years, and while I'll be missing my home and my family like hell, guess who's going to be by my side. Shall I add that we're majoring in the same thing? Why is this important? Because this little fact is to show that we WILL be spending a lot of time together. Alhamdulillah, I'm not ignorant. I know what's right and what's wrong. I KNOW that it is not nice nor is it right to be spending so much time together with someone who's not your Muhrim. Eh, wait a second. Re-read the sentence I just wrote, "Blablabla...WHO'S NOT YOUR MUHRIM." There you go! That's the beauty in Islam. Islam is not cruel or oppressive or intolerable. It's the people who are. There is actually a way out for Muslims to escape sinning. *drum roll* MARRIAGE!

Yes, yes, you're still allowed to call me gatal.

Many think that I'm speaking out of emotion and lust. But guess what, while my parents and brother were off doing their Hajj and I have nothing better to do, I read a whole BUNCH of books regarding premarital relationship in Islam. And I especially love this one book called CINTA IPT by Maszlee Malik. There is one chapter specially on Nikah Gantung. I'm not interested in explaining what Nikah Gantung is, but there is this part where the author mentioned how our Malay mentality is making our children commit sins behind their parents' backs. He gave examples that UIA, one of the most famous Islamic universities, support marriages between their students and even provide HOUSING AND EXTRA ALLOWANCES for them. Besides that, the author also mentioned how unlike what people think, a wedding should be the last present by parents to their kids - if they can afford it.

Before I come to my conclusion, I would like to say something else to those who are still against early marriage. I've seen it around me and alhamdulillah, I've never heard of any break up between these people, unlike normal marriages. Let's see, two of my friends' parents got married while they were studying in the States when they were twenty (surprise surprise, that's my age!) One friend's sister got married while in her first year in Japan. Another friend's cousin got married a few weeks before she joined her husband in UK, again, when she was twenty. And yeah, I saw their baby girl the other day and she was the cutest thing! And lastly, my Ustazah also got married when she was twenty while they were studying in UK.

My conclusion is...what do you think?

-C-