Hillman Library

I'm at the library. Waiting for Rassyid. Reading a book on ethnicity in Malaysia. Yes, it took me to be miles away from home to be excited on Malaysia. (Tak sangka ada banyak buku on Malaysia here.) On another note, I need to do a paper for my PoliSci class on a constitution, any constitution. So, of course my easiest choice is my home country.

As I was reading, thoughts kept on crashing with each other in my head. On the constitution. On Islam. On NEP. On Chinese-Malay relationship. All sorts of things. I wish for a better Malaysia, but I know not in this generation. I'm not some kind of crazy 'new Malay' that wants equality all of a sudden. Some may say I'm lucky; I don't understand them. Why don't the try to understand me? No, I am not a NEW Malay. I am Malay, full stop. I know and I understand their need for a policy to help Malays. Read again. I know their need. There is no such thing as a universal desire. But of course in order to run a country you need to have some sort 'generalization' of the people or you won't get anything done. Fine.

What really drove me to write a blog entry right now, a few minutes before my PoliSci class, is a chapter in the book on Pork. Yup, pork. And I agree. I agree that pork is a defining topic on the story of ethnicity in Malaysia. Pork is an interesting story. Pork is GREAT. Yes, I know some 'conservative' Malays (note, not Muslims) do not like me using the two words in a sentence. But did I say anything on the consumption of it in that three-word sentence? We know Chinese eat pork. So? (Suddenly I remember Wenli's song with satay babi in it. Embarrassingly, I didn't know there existed such a satay. How ignorant. But then, I don't don't like her. I love her. She's my friend. She's a Chinese. She loves pork, we all know that. So?) Food brings us together, food tore us apart? Why? Just as I've said to friends here, I don't care if you katok. As long as you don't bother me eating halal food, I won't bother you. I'm not an Islamic scholar. I'm just a person trying to live, trying to survive.

Now, my favorite topic: special rights to the Malays. Yeah, I've heard it all. "Malays need it to get equal!" "Malays were denied privileges by the British!" But all I hear is, "Malays are weak." There's this thing we learn in class call the 'Trust Fund States'. Basically, it is a country where there's so much oil that the leaders are not hold accountable to the people since they don't need the people to do anything for them! You know which country I'm particularly talking about, let's not be too direct here. These countries have everything. Wealth. With that, they don't need to do as much, compete as hard, or be as wise. But as I've said, I don't want to generalize. I've seen some of those people trying to make it work here at Pitt. But that's just the ones here. Now take this idea, and put it in Malaysia. Once you have the back of the state (not government, as it is a weak institution), you just won't try. If you get 6As for SPM, so what? There's this thing called Matrix where like, what, 90% are your 'kind'. Then from there, where? University of course. How you gonna pay? Look at skin color, government, etc. Now, what about those with lighter skin color? They got 7As and all they can afford is a private college. And you want to brag? Please. I know I'm here under a scholarship, never let it slip my mind once. But I think I got it fairly. Not saying there are people who don't, I'm not here to judge. But I was in the list. I know even without some special privilege, I could still get it. I know some would say that's a premature judgment on my side. Luck plays a part. I don't call it luck; I call it God. Point is, there are many ways to survive, if you feel you need to. That's why they call it survival of the fittest. Now think. Those who are not 'fit enough' are given an advantage over those who are. They call if fair. I say it's weakening the country. I'm not saying we should let the rest rot off. I just want Malays to think why is it that Chinese could still survive after all? Because when they need it most, they have guilds and associations. Malays? Kaki dengki. Plus, it's proven throughout history that when citizens are not happy, they revolt. When they revolt, the country does not work. Thus?

Blast me all you want but remember, the country's not yours. Neither is it mine. I'm not calling for a drastic change. I've even give up my hope of being a politician, much less to be the first female Malaysian Prime Minister. I'm not interested. Politics is dirty. Why bother if I'm the only one?

-C-