Queen

Concerts are my kryptonite. None is perfect, but we can strive to be, can’t we? Through my arrogance, I try to find the time to tweak my weaknesses. Pride is definitely further from the truth. Excuses shall not be sufficient, yet they are all I can offer in this state of shame. In my lowest form, I am humbled by the acknowledgment that I’ve wronged a lot of people. Everyone has their flaw, and the best I can do is to refrain from judging; for only speaking of it now, I apologize. If God is willing, then it shall be.

Funny how this train of thought occurred while I was at the Lady Gaga concert last weekend. She is the person who is my generation’s Michael Jackson, the Freak of all freaks, whom I was not supposed to pay a single dollar to see do none but prance around on stage – so the wisdom goes. But I’m weak. I’m a slave to good music, especially when it is put to life on stage. I do not go to parties. I do not go to clubs. I understand the profanity of a tudung-clad girl being in a dark and small room. But an arena is huge, and most of the people who paid the 20, 50, 100, 200, or 350 dollars to be there, I believe, are more concerned with enjoying the music than with anything else. Again, I apologize for the excuses, but this is it – this is me.

Lady Gaga is a true artist. Her passion is reflected in her art. Traces of her fingerprint are everywhere from her costume, to the props, to her script, and especially in her music. Her sincerity is proven in her humility when talking about the rough waves she had to paddle against to get to where she currently is. Unlike my father, I only see splashes of colors on a painting; unlike my mother, I only see columns and roofs on a monument; unlike my brother, I only see talking animals in an animation. Music is the only art I truly understand. Music, literature, and performance art.

So when Lady Gaga swore she had never lip-synched and never will, it resonates with me because I get it. The effort she must have put in to pin her performances is amazing. Thus, when some time in the middle of the show she stopped to scream, “If you’ve ever had someone ever tell you you’re not good enough, you can’t write well enough, you can’t sing well enough, you’ll never win a Grammy – this is for them!” I had none but pure respect for her, because I believe that all of us could relate as we have had at least one person doubting our abilities.

Lady Gaga is a main advocate of the LGBT movement, but does that mean I cannot appreciate her music? Before she ended the show she said something along the line of “If you support equality raise your hands!” True, she’s talking about sexual equality. But on the other hand, I felt like she was talking to me, too. No, I’m not that liberal – I’m talking about social and economic equality. My mind never wanders too far from my homework, I guess. Furthermore, being a minority in a foreign land really opens your eyes to the massive effect of openness and acceptance. For that, I feel that there is some good for Malays in Malaysia to listen to a little bit of Gaga in order to appreciate your legal status better. After all, she did sang "Believe capital H-I-M"...and I do.

-C-