Recap!

Okay, since everybody has been complaining that my last two posts sound so...depressing, I've decided to do something that I've never done before. I'm going to do a commentator-like thingy on an old post based on how I feel right now. People say that blogs are for you to re-evaluate yourself so this is what I'm doing. (A cup of coffee is needed for this is going to be a bit long...)


"To those who know me know that I didn't believe in love. I believeD that love is just something humans made up, like…the mind (comment: I still think that love is made up) . . . I always say that I believe in co-living, though. That’s IT. I’m a bit of a pessimist when it comes to matter of the heart. I’m always searching for answers and alhamdulillah I’ve found it :)

. . . First of all, I learned that you have to love yourself, God, and only then can you genuinely love another human being. . . . I’ve always stick to my answer which is I want someone who loves God more than life and – for similarities sake – loves music (comment: and I have found that person!) Of course, you’ve heard of all these before. And yes, your ‘mind’ or akal says that you do love God but to what extent do you understand the meaning of it? I admit I used to not understand it much either, but now I do. Why do we have this ‘ideal’ idea? It is because it’s only normal or fitrah for human beings to want only the most beautiful and the best there is. And when you think of it…who or what is more perfect than the creator of perfection Himself? True? Therefore it is only logical for you to love God first and foremost. (comment: yes, and that is why I turned to God when I first saw a glimpse of troubles ahead)

Second of all, I learned exactly WHAT love is. All those times I thought I was ‘in love’ are not really love. That’s lust, infatuation. (comment: lust and infatuation do not last if they are not supplemented with love) Real love is when your partner has the whole intention of taking you as his or her bride or groom. (comment: THAT IS WHY I WANT TO MARRY RASSYID RAMLAN) . . . If a person really loves you then s/he should only think of you as his/her life partner. Think about it. If the thought of getting married is too scary or perhaps too soon for you, then the fact is, it IS too soon for you to BE in a relationship. Because if you love someone you want to hold on to that person forever and you can’t bear the thought of breaking up because you don’t want to hurt the person you ‘love’. It all makes sense. But of course, we can only plan, but the rest is in God’s hands whether things will work out or not. But the point is, REAL love must be parallel with the INTENTION or niat of getting married.

. . .

As the book says, there’s no such thing as a perfect partner. If you are looking for perfect, you’ll get disappointed (comment: true true, that's why I accept you Rassyid Ramlan through all that we've been through) because where can a person go after being ‘perfect’. Instead, look for potential. Does he or she have the potential to be a good (not perfect) partner after marriage (comment: Rassyid does!)? Some may say that it’s hard to tell. Actually it is not. A good person is easy to detect by his actions. A diamond is wrapped beautifully than a rock found by the road, no? And the thing that really caught me was when the book was talking about hanya jauhari mengenal manikam. Only a good person can tell another good person (comment: I want to turn good again! Dear God please help me with this one...). So, the conclusion is, for me to find that almost-perfect partner, I need to be one myself. Don’t worry, I won’t be wearing a purdah anytime soon but I promise I’ll be as good a person possible. . . .

I admit that one of the reasons this topic has been playing in my mind because it seems that everyone around me is in a relationship. It is a bit stressful to be left out. But one of the most important things I got from this book that I’ll bring till the day I die is the Prophet PBUH once said, “Islam started as being different and will end being different too. Thus, blessed are those who are different, who uphold my Sunnah when others are ruining it.” (comment: that's why I want to be different and have class in all my relationships with others)

So, now I am still on the lookout for the right man. And there’s only one way for me to find out if he’s right for me or not. It is in his willingness to see a future with me so that we can help each other nurture our love to God. If he can’t feel it, then maybe he is for someone else. One wo/man’s trash is another wo/man’s treasure, right? (comment: I've found mine!)"

-C-