Anniversary

I remember the first time I saw you, and I like to recall this to you on every chance that I got. It was in SAT English class. You were sitting at the back row and empty seats were only available next to you. I chose the one exactly beside you. However, after the break you went and sat in front of me, instead of next to me. The one and only thought that went through my head then was, “God, these asrama boys really have something against girls.” Since then I gave no special attention towards you.

But slowly your character started to show in class and you, as an individual, started to shine especially in the eyes of us girls. You are intelligent and charming.

I remember the first time I sat facing you. It was at the dining hall and both of us were having fried rice for lunch. You didn’t speak a word, and nor did I. We ate quietly and you answered politely to any questions thrown your way by the girls. I, too shocked over the close proximity between us, could not even finish half of my rice! I remember how surprised Pia was.

I remember the first time we found out you went to Japan in form four. The girls were so impressed and I…I felt inferior. It was the same day you told us of your musical preference. Elly was especially excited for she found a ‘geng’. I acted as if I did not hear the conversation but I went home later that weekend practicing ‘Delilah’ on my guitar over and over simply because you said you like the song.

I remember once, one person asked me who I think is the hottest guy in INTI. Instead of the answer he thought I would give, I said, “Believe it or not the first person that came to mind is Rassyid.”

However, I remember thinking, “I will never get this guy because there is simply no reason for him to choose me over the other girls.” Because of this, I kind of ‘backed off’.

I remember the first time you actually started a conversation with me on YM. You started with, “apalah dosa katak-katak itu…” referring to my attention-seeking status. It was the first time you attempted a joke with me, by the way.

I remember making a huge deal over physics class because none of the other girls were in the class; therefore, less competition. *evil laugh* It was the perfect excuse. I used to look forward to Tuesdays because of the four hours straight of physics. I used to wear the nicest outfit I brought that week on Tuesdays. One day Diana saw me after class and asked, “Why so pretty?” and before I could answer, Elly monotonously said, “Physics.”

I remember both of us using physics as an excuse to chat till late at night. Either I would complain, or you would ask for assistance. I remember once I was on the edge of giving up and I told you. Suddenly Zaim buzzed me, “Rassyid kecewa you nak tukar college physics.” Oh by the way, at that moment, you did not know that my friends were all conspiring for me to ‘get’ you.

I only told Zaim at first that I had a crush on you. He thus became my eyes and ears. Day after day he will report to me on his ‘findings’. I remember one day after physics he pulled me into an empty class and started convincing me that I should make a move because you obviously has a crush on me. Naim was the person that first tersasul to Zaim and let out that the picture of the cat for your display picture was actually ‘me’. Then, 30 minutes before your 19th birthday, Zaim called asking what I plan to do for your birthday. Thinking that it’s just an innocent phone call, I put it on loud speaker. Suddenly Zaim blurted, “By the way Rassyid kata ade 60% chance korang couple.” And after that it was no secret to the girls either.

I remember the first thing ever you ‘gave’ me was your Globalization to Poverty book. An intellect, you are. An enthusiast in economics then, I was not. So instead of reading the book, I slept with it.

I remember the first time you called me “babe” online. It was on January the 20th, 2008, a Sunday.

That was also the weekend I received a text message from Elly, sounding something like this: “Zaim beritahu yg Rassyid berkata lps balik dari US kalau Syaza xde boyfriend die akan masuk minang. Maka jgn cr boyfriend!”

After that events after events led to us.

Monday, January 21st 2008: We chatted until we got disconnected at 2am, I think. You texted me saying we’ll continue our conversation tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 22nd 2008: No one can get online that night. I was anxious, afraid if you can get online and find me not there you would think I did not take your words seriously. Sofiya was sick so she went home that night. I went to the neighbors’ room and started jumping on their beds. They told me to text you. I did and you didn’t reply. I was so embarrassed and angry. To calm me, the girls decided Palma would be the right place to spend our Internet-less night. Bad move. The guys came to Palma too a few minutes later and I started swearing. You're awake yet you did not reply my text; what does that say? Zaim came over. Zaim told me to relax, he’ll ask. I objected. I went online from Palma using my phone and saw Nasaai was online. The connection was back! I rushed back and left them. When I got back, the connection was lost, again. I decided to sleep in my frustration. Fifteen minutes later I heard a soft knock on the door and came in the girls.

“Zaim is going straight to his bedroom after this,” one of them said.

“No, he doesn’t need to. It’s okay,” I lied, half-shouting.

I remember Diana patted me when suddenly I received a text from you. I ignored it. Thinking if you can ignore me, I can do the same thing. A few seconds (I swear!) later, you called. It turned out you were reformatting you phone. So, we talked. It was the first time. The next day was Thaipusam, you asked if I was going home. I said I may be driving Elly and Ali to Midvalley but ‘I won’t have anyone to hang out with when they go watch some movie’. Silence. Then you, out of nowhere, asked me, “Tak nak ajak I ke?” I was so relieved that I almost cried. I said coolly, “Sure, if you want.”

Wednesday, January 23rd 2008: Too many to write now.

Thursday, January 24th 2008: A guy friend of mine wanted to hang out with me for a while. I started jumping on a bed again. “What if Rassyid sees me? What if he thinks I don’t like him? What if he’s not interested anymore then? How? How?” I asked my girlfriends. One said, “Then you don’t have to go out.” But I insisted because of personal reasons. So the solution is to ask him of our ‘status’. So I did. I took a deep breath and texted him:

Syaza: Rassyid, can I ask you a question?

Rassyid: Sure.

Syaza: Rassyid, do you like me?

Rassyid: Yes..I thought you knew.

Syaza: I did guess. Hey, is it okay if I want to go out with a guy friend?

Rassyid: No problem.

Syaza: Thanks! Talk to you later then.

Rassyid: ________ (the last part will be a secret)

So that’s the story of us. After that, it’s been countless of ups and downs; perhaps more downs than anyone could guess. But it is okay, it’s part of living, isn’t it. To grow together, you have to be with each other, and know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. I read once that in order to find your true partner, try being on a bus with that person for three days straight. If you can stay seated with that person until the end of the ride, you might make it. We haven’t tried that yet. But all I know is I have never ever met a person who truly understands and is sincerely patient with me; and that’s the hardest part I think.

I remember on February 23rd 2008, I wished you a happy one month anniversary. But you rejected it. You said that - as one of you many philosophies in life – you do not believe in counting the days. You related that people in jails count days because they can’t wait to get out. So if we started counting, the days would seem short. You do not want to feel your time with me as short. But this time, I could not help it. We’ve been together for a year. I know it’s nothing, really. But as how people celebrate another year of living during birthdays, let us celebrate one year of loving on our anniversary.

Happy One Year Anniversary.

We made it. And may we make it through many more anniversaries to come.

-C-