Happy 20th Birthday

A year ago on this very same day I wrote about how happy I was.

Writing this entry today is actually no different than then: I AM HAPPY.

Twenty years...it took me twenty years to finally be where I currently am. Read my previous entry? Yeah, I did have a rough time growing up. Therefore I never thought that I would ever find real happiness, seriously. I've always had doubts...on everything. Basically I feel like I don't deserve to be happy in this lifetime. I deserve to live and to achieve, yes that part I have covered, but to be happy AND joyful? It never crosses my mind.

Oh how rude of me. Today is not about me, today is about him. I should start learning to be selfless, eh?

To Abdul Rassyid Bin Ramlan, what else can I say to you that I haven't said before? What more can I say to you here that is safe for everybody to read? You know how I feel, and not just the mushy part. You know how I appreciate you being in my life and accepting me whole, with no expectations and thinking no less of me as a person. I thank you for that. Because a lot of people have a lot of opinions regarding us. And I admit that sometimes I can be harsh too. But you know that if I don't love you I wouldn't even care to say and to do what I did to you. You know those are just my way. Those are just me.

On your birthday I guess I should say all the good things there are about you. But I believe there is nothing good about you that escape anyone's mind that ever met you. You are the perfect male. Patient, understanding, kind, gentle, intelligent, knowledgeable, hardworking, playful, loving, thoughtful, handsome, and beautiful. But as a person of course you are not perfect. Sometimes you annoy me. Understand however, that it is not because it is you that I don't like; instead, it is because we are so different that it hurts. It hurts that at times you could not see my point of view or understand my sarcastic jokes. But God is gracious. I understand now that he gave me you so that I would understand more the nature of a human being. A human being that is more scarred than me but at the same time always makes me feel as if I'm the stronger one. No, I'm not, and I know it. You know you can't fool me too long. I thank you - again - for always feeding my ego even when I asked you to stop.

Twenty years...it took you twenty years to be as you are and I don't blame fate for holding our meeting until a year and a half ago. At least I don't have to watch the manufacturing of you and got the finished product...kidding!!

Happy birthday to you. May you get all that you dream of because you definitely deserve all of it. May God bless you with all His glories. InsyAllah, I hope to be writing this post for many years to come.

-C-