Recap!

Okay, since everybody has been complaining that my last two posts sound so...depressing, I've decided to do something that I've never done before. I'm going to do a commentator-like thingy on an old post based on how I feel right now. People say that blogs are for you to re-evaluate yourself so this is what I'm doing. (A cup of coffee is needed for this is going to be a bit long...)


"To those who know me know that I didn't believe in love. I believeD that love is just something humans made up, like…the mind (comment: I still think that love is made up) . . . I always say that I believe in co-living, though. That’s IT. I’m a bit of a pessimist when it comes to matter of the heart. I’m always searching for answers and alhamdulillah I’ve found it :)

. . . First of all, I learned that you have to love yourself, God, and only then can you genuinely love another human being. . . . I’ve always stick to my answer which is I want someone who loves God more than life and – for similarities sake – loves music (comment: and I have found that person!) Of course, you’ve heard of all these before. And yes, your ‘mind’ or akal says that you do love God but to what extent do you understand the meaning of it? I admit I used to not understand it much either, but now I do. Why do we have this ‘ideal’ idea? It is because it’s only normal or fitrah for human beings to want only the most beautiful and the best there is. And when you think of it…who or what is more perfect than the creator of perfection Himself? True? Therefore it is only logical for you to love God first and foremost. (comment: yes, and that is why I turned to God when I first saw a glimpse of troubles ahead)

Second of all, I learned exactly WHAT love is. All those times I thought I was ‘in love’ are not really love. That’s lust, infatuation. (comment: lust and infatuation do not last if they are not supplemented with love) Real love is when your partner has the whole intention of taking you as his or her bride or groom. (comment: THAT IS WHY I WANT TO MARRY RASSYID RAMLAN) . . . If a person really loves you then s/he should only think of you as his/her life partner. Think about it. If the thought of getting married is too scary or perhaps too soon for you, then the fact is, it IS too soon for you to BE in a relationship. Because if you love someone you want to hold on to that person forever and you can’t bear the thought of breaking up because you don’t want to hurt the person you ‘love’. It all makes sense. But of course, we can only plan, but the rest is in God’s hands whether things will work out or not. But the point is, REAL love must be parallel with the INTENTION or niat of getting married.

. . .

As the book says, there’s no such thing as a perfect partner. If you are looking for perfect, you’ll get disappointed (comment: true true, that's why I accept you Rassyid Ramlan through all that we've been through) because where can a person go after being ‘perfect’. Instead, look for potential. Does he or she have the potential to be a good (not perfect) partner after marriage (comment: Rassyid does!)? Some may say that it’s hard to tell. Actually it is not. A good person is easy to detect by his actions. A diamond is wrapped beautifully than a rock found by the road, no? And the thing that really caught me was when the book was talking about hanya jauhari mengenal manikam. Only a good person can tell another good person (comment: I want to turn good again! Dear God please help me with this one...). So, the conclusion is, for me to find that almost-perfect partner, I need to be one myself. Don’t worry, I won’t be wearing a purdah anytime soon but I promise I’ll be as good a person possible. . . .

I admit that one of the reasons this topic has been playing in my mind because it seems that everyone around me is in a relationship. It is a bit stressful to be left out. But one of the most important things I got from this book that I’ll bring till the day I die is the Prophet PBUH once said, “Islam started as being different and will end being different too. Thus, blessed are those who are different, who uphold my Sunnah when others are ruining it.” (comment: that's why I want to be different and have class in all my relationships with others)

So, now I am still on the lookout for the right man. And there’s only one way for me to find out if he’s right for me or not. It is in his willingness to see a future with me so that we can help each other nurture our love to God. If he can’t feel it, then maybe he is for someone else. One wo/man’s trash is another wo/man’s treasure, right? (comment: I've found mine!)"

-C-

BATMAN: The Dark Knight

I was once faced with this interesting inquiry. "Why do people, especially girls, like BATMAN so much?"






The answer: Because he has the COOLEST automobile in Gotham City yet he never boasts about it. Interesting answer, don't you think?

-C-

Reflection

Your friend wears your clothes and do not return them until after a month.
Maybe because you did not help her out of her financial problem when she really needed it.

Your neighbor's dog poop all over in your garden.
Maybe because you did not offer her the barbecued chicken that you cooked openly in your garden.

Your aunt made remarks over your choice of clothes.
Maybe because you did not greet her properly every time you met her.

Your classmate talks bad about you (literally) behind your back.
Maybe because you were talking when she was doing her presentation.

Your sister did not call you after half a year being apart.
Maybe because you never even listen to her when she talks.

Your nasi lemak seller gave you the once over during your bad hair day.
Maybe because you once did the same thing to your classmate.

Your wife cheats on you.
Maybe because you never tell her where you went those nights you were away.

Your lecturer gives you low marks even if you are sure your answers are correct.
Maybe because you never take the time to teach another soul who asked for your help.

Your girlfriend does not trust you.
Maybe because you deserve it.

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Do not complain of what others have done to you. The world reflects the way you treated it. Think about that the next time you make your next move. Life is like a game of chess. Don't whine after your opponent announces, "CHECK MATE!" There's simply no use crying over split milk.

-C-

Why I Don't Like Reading Blogs...sometimes.

I have a confession to make. (It seems like I have a lot of confessions.) I, Syaza Farhana, am the avoiding type of person. Yup yup yup. You may call me a coward or even an ignorant for being that but its the truth and nothing but the truth so basically I don't care.

For me, if I foresee something is going to happen before it actually happens - and I can usually tell based on prior experiences - then I would rather not start the something that could trigger the other thing that could then ruin normal things for me. Yeah, I do. I always get the, "Then you are avoiding the problem and not facing it!" Well, I admit that it's partially true but remember, I believe in learning from experiences therefore there's no use in going under the same ladder if you know definitely that the same brick is going to fall again.

For example, if I know for certain that I am going to get hurt if I go to certain blogs or website only to find that others are writing bad stuffs about me then believe it or not, I would choose not to go to that particular website or blog for a period of one week least, one year most. I would and I've done it. I guess you can say that inside I am actually a scared little girl under this calm, stable exterior that I'm infamous for. It may sound weak but haven't we learned in the many social science classes taken that sometimes avoidance is the best way to remain in a peaceful environment? Ignorance is bliss, some would say, and I agree 100% with that. In the famous words of Linkin Park, "Less I hear the less you'll say but you'll find that out anyway...Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge."

See, even Chester agrees with me. Less I hear the less you'll say. Think about it. If I keep on entertaining your thoughts on me, you would have more to say and that could ruin whatever we have between us. Sometimes I know that you're holding a grudge against me but since I believe that time heals everything, then I would rather let nature takes its own cause, so to speak, then interferes while you're 'hot'.

What I want to tell you is (imagine Dr. Renuka saying that...), sometimes I don't like knowing friends of mine or worse, family members of mine having their own means of telling the whole world what's going on. Because I'm afraid one day along the road I'll find something written on me that would totally caught me off-guard of what I thought the other person thinks of me. Sounds selfish, no? Because I do the same thing. I sometimes write on people when I find no other way to convey the message to them. And at times it worked: these people got what I'm trying to say and bridges were built after that between us. But for me to read what others
have to say about me...Dear God, let those who have their own website-slash-blog not be that close to me. Amin!

-C-

Who's To Judge

Everybody with a mind, a body, and a soul is deserving of the utmost respect by their fellow humans. You may call me crazy in thinking so but who are you, another one of my species, to judge who's deserving of human rights and who don't? Don't you know that the court of law is there for a purpose which is to serve justice (regardless if they are able to serve this purpose fairly or not)? It is true that judges are also humans who may have their own interest behind a judgement. Then, if a judge who is able to hear both sides of a case is still doubted then explain to me the justification of a non-elected authority throwing away certain people into detention without prior investigation.

Suspecting someone is not enough because you might throw in the wrong person. The best way do so then? THROUGH THE COURT OF LAW. Whoever is deemed as 'dangerous' to society is also human. Okay, some may say they are inhuman if they are found guilty of...inhumane actions. But they do have the right to defend themselves in front of a judge because THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO SIDES TO A STORY. You denying to listen to one side is called ignorance. Even if someone supposedly poses a threat to the country you cannot charge a person on an act he has not done yet (or may not do).

Not to mention as Muslims we are also well aware that even the All Forgiving will not punish you if you just have a 'niat' to do wrong. In fact, in order to sentence a wrong-doer in Islam there need to be sufficient evidences and 'saksi' before a judge can take away the innocence of a suspected person. Even if you only have one witness it is not enough in a serious case because one person may have their own bargain in it. See how fair, just, and beautiful Islam is and some still call it a 'barbaric religion'.

So who are you as a human wanting to easily throw away your fellow humans in a detention camp??? Terrorist or no, criminal or no, humans are humans. Unfortunately for us, in this world there are only humans to judge humans and there is no other higher Being until we reach the Afterlife. Till then, trust me, the best way is to go through the judiciary system. And you who believe in democracy should not believe in this one form of dictatorship. Those who deny someone the right to meet their loved ones (unless proven guilty through a just trial) are inhumane themselves. You want to judge now who deserves to be thrown in detention?

-C-

p/s: realize how many times I use the word 'human'? Well it's to emphasize that HUMANS need to be judged fairly because none will ever be above the other.

My Teenage Dreams

I was in the morning session for three years during high school. Every morning my father would send me to school around 7am. It would be dark. Well, not so dark maybe but on a normal day these days I would not even dream of waking up till the sun is as high as my head. It still amazes me how I was able to stay awake back then. I guess it was the company? Anyway I remember my feeling EVERY DAY for that three years as the clock struck 10am. It would be a few minutes before recess but that's not the reason. I remember perfectly my feelings because that would be when I would day dream of driving my dream car down KL...

I've always wanted to do that because back then the idea of me driving was just...marvelous :p Plus you people know how much I love the sun so that's why 10am would be the perfect time besides being the best time to absorb sun light to generate vitamin D. And about KL...should I explain more?

As I was driving my way to INTI last Monday I was thinking just of this. I'm finally living my dream (minus the dream car). But I'm not really. Actually there's more to this wish of mine besides just rolling down the highway. Instead I wish I would be able to drive with no final destination as I enjoy the scenery of KL. So far, I've only been able to do that during the short period after the SPM examination with my girlfriends. We would get out of the house at 10 and then we would laugh, laugh, and laugh as they trust me to take them wherever I wanted to as we enjoyed the lack of cars on the road and the sun on our skin with our sunglasses on. KL may not be Los Angeles but I tell you, it is still perfect.

Right now, it's been a while since I am able to live that dream of mine. I guess until I grow old this will still be my dream because I realize that as I grow older I will have more responsibility. Now college, next work. When will I be able to drive down KL at 10 in the morning again? During weekends? No way. That's when KL-ites would be moving north, south, and everywhere in between.

So the question is will I be able to re-live this dream of mine? I think it is called a DREAM because that's what it will stay as for a very long period of time...

-C-

Facial, or was it love?

Okay first of all, ignore the stupid title I came up with at 3 in the morning. I just wanted to write about something that struck me earlier as really interesting. Yesterday I went to do my facial and as I was relaxing totally enjoying the moment, my mum was being her chatty self and was talking to the 'facial lady'. They were talking about lots of things not including politics and economics and suddenly the topic turned to me. Well, not exactly. They were talking about my skin and she (the facial lady) suddenly said, "She has sensitive skin. Sensitive skin needs special attention compared to normal skin. So that's why she needs to find the perfect facial product that will suit her best. She has to keep on trying until she finds it."

Huh. Sensitive skin. Sensitive people. It makes sense for me. I've always wondered why is it that some people (like my brother) can fall in love easily with the one and only but on the other hand it was a bit hard for me. I realized now that the answer is so simple. It is because I am a sensitive person so I need to keep on trying until I can find that right person who understands my 'sensitivity' and not push me over the edge. That person needs to understand that I don't settle for less because then 'pimples' would come out of the relationship (err, whatever that's supposed to mean). Point is, I'm glad that I've found the perfect one for me. Sensitive skin needs a gentle touch and it's no longer a question why He's the one for me :)

-C-

Hullo 'friend'

There are friends, and then there are ex-friends. There are people, and then there are selfish people. There are those who think the world revolves around them, and then there are those who just don’t have a clue.

If it’s up to me and my stubborn self, I could write two pages worth of rambles on how ‘great’ a friend you are. How you were by me when you think I could ‘bring you up’ but then left once you’ve found others. Funny funny. And you consider yourself a friend. A friend never leaves, okay. You were never one because you were never sincere. Many people don’t understand why it affects me too much that you, of all people, are treating me like shit. You want to know why? Maybe because I once thought you were a FRIEND.

Now I can’t even stand the look of you, what more that annoying voice of yours. Please, get a life. You think you’re all that but let me tell you this: put you in the middle of nowhere and you’ll be screaming for someone – anyone - that would even give you a first look.

Thank you.

-C-

Three Days After A Year

Today’s the 4th of July. A year ago I met someone on this day that started my ‘college experiences’ and it wasn’t the start of the end.

Three days earlier last year on 1st of July 2007, I came here with hopes and dreams. With ambitions and sky-high desires. I wanted these and I wanted those. I lost some but I achieved more. I had academic ambitions which I’m not actually living right now. But it is okay since God has the best plan laid out for me. I met people - friends - that are moving in their own directions now. I can’t really blame them 'cause I’m doing the same thing too. So how’s my first year in college?

NO REGRETS.OVERWHELMING.INDESCRIBABLE.

Are those three words good or bad? I don’t know. All I know is that it has been my life for one whole year. I can’t rewrite it anymore. Therefore, to my roommate and neighbors, thanks for being crazy and loud with me. To my two favorite 2nd-floor-ers, love you babes so much. To our old Palma gang, I hope we can hangout again someday before you people forget how we first met. To my favorite KL-ite, thank you for the fun and the heartaches; you were once my inspiration. But especially to my love, thank you so much for your sincerity, for not playing with my heart, for listening to my sorrows and all my b-sh**, and thank you also for accompanying me to meet my parents. You mean the world to me.

-C-