Last Female Standing

*reads previous entries*

Gosh. I sounded like a wrecked train. Hahaha. Nevermind, it is time to move on.

Anyway, today I want to talk about an interesting question put forth by Iman just now: "What is your weakness?"

Today, while we were having dinner at the mamak place, Iman suddenly decided to have an honest discussion about our strengths and weaknesses. When he asked me the question, I paused for a second and asked myself, what IS my weakness? I do know that I have a few. Well, I used to have A LOT more before compared to now. But then my answer to them was simply, "My weakness is that I am not the perempuan Melayu terakhir type." Iman, Ali, Weng and Naufal looked at me with this confused look and asked, "Why is that a weakness?" I answered, "Because it seems that others prefer these perempuan Melayu terakhirs than us." With very, very, VERY, convincing looks, Iman and Naufal went "Noooooooooooo!" I got to admit that was kind of cool. They said that they prefer us being us because at least we're not HYPOCRITES. Ali asked something like, "Why don't you like yourself NOT being the perempuan Melayu terakhir?" I said, "I do love myself for being me because at least I can proudly say I am not a hypocrite, but it's the OTHERS that don't favor us."

Oh how this has been the case for me for a long time. I have never been one of the perempuan Melayu terakhirs. It's just me. Since I was young. Even in primary school, I was the one who will be going around the school running, shouting, and having no care in the world and then later got my ears pulled. (Ain't that right, Ali?) And then in secondary school, the same thing happened. My friends and I would be the one going around our school and trashing it along the way. Do you see any of the perempuan Melayu terakhirs do that? I don't think so. But the best part is, the teachers can't publicly punish me as what message will they be sending to those sorry juniors? "Be a good student like Syaza, but remember that she is also a master in vandalism." Can't happen. So, I have always got away from getting into trouble simply with my good marks. (That's also the reason why I never become the head of anything at school.) And oh, what a surprise it is that this pattern is repeating itself here in college. I am still not among the perempuan Melayu terakhirs. My friends and I are considered the naughty Malay girls for a few reasons such as we go out till late at night, we hang out mostly with the other guys, we (my friends) wear mini-skirts, we don't wear baju kurung everyday but have jeans as our substitute, and we also don't cook. We go out EVERY SINGLE DAY.

So, the question is, does that makes us less Malay? (Though I know someone who would like that.) Does that makes us less a girl? Does that makes us less RESPECTFUL?! I don't think so. Remember I mentioned of my plan to write an entry on respect? That's because respect plays a huge part in my life. I believe that you could never get far if you don't possess a sufficient amount of respect. Anyway, as I was saying, are we THAT bad? I don't think so.

Don't think I've never TRIED to be the perempuan Melayu terakhir type. I've tried countless times during my 'self-discovery' period. I tried walking slowly, I tried covering when I laugh, I tried giving one word answer and talked less. But you know what, I don't like it. When I laugh, I want to laugh my heart out because laughing is a sign that I am happy. Why hide it? Happiness is VERY addictive (so does sadness it seems.) When I walk, I want to look up, (not down) at the world and its beauty. When I talk I want to look into the other person's eyes, partly as a sign of respect. And when I talk, I'm sick of giving one-word answer. I'm very opinionated, why suppress it to feed the egos of men???

Also, don't get me wrong, I'm not a feminist. Since I arrived here in INTI I've been thrown this question countless times. "Are you a feminist, Syaza?" And I can proudly say that I am not. I don't believe in equality between the genders. God purposely made men and women different. As women, we were given the GIFT to experience carrying another person's LIFE in our body. Can guys do that? No. So why are we fighting for this 'equality' over unnecessary stuffs? Sure, education is for everyone, but to fight to be the PRESIDENT of a country? As a female myself, I admit that we can be too emotional to lead. God makes us different and unique from the other sex, so why are we complaining? That's why I always say, I may not be the most alim person on the face of this earth, but when it comes to matter of life and death, I have strong beliefs and opinions that there are reasons for all of God's creations and rules, and there is no need to question it. (You CAN question it, and your answer will bring you back to the rationality of all the rules in the first place.) That is why I always say that as long as I have God, and as long as I have myself, I will be able to find my way through life.

I guess, I enjoy being who I am. I enjoy NOT being a perempuan Melayu terakhir. Why do I want to be like them? Supposedly, they are of a better breed? Let me ask you: how do you know that the girl who wears baju kurung everyday doesn't throw lies about you behind your back? Or are you sure that the girl who talks so slowly that she needs a microphone just to talk to the person half a meter away doesn't spread unnecessary rumors to others? Or perhaps you do think that the girl who spends 10 hours out of her 24 hours with guys are more prone to do...bad stuffs? Or the person who doesn't wear tudung are all against Islam? Or perhaps girls who go out till late at night do not have discipline? Why don't you open your eyes dear people. (I know I have a family member that used to think this way; I hope he has changed his views.) Have an open mind. Does it occur to you for a moment that perhaps the person who wears tudung is only being forced by her parents to do so or maybe wanted to feel part of the social norm? Why don't you instead respect girls who do wear tudung but talks a bit loud as she has her own opinion, and that her decision to wear tudung is hers??? Don't you for a second think that the person who supposedly pijak semut tak mati doesn't hang out with guys because she has stereotypes, perhaps, over guys who smoke? Doesn't it occur to you that the girl who goes out till late at night are intellectuals and are fun to talk to; that's why people want her around longer?

Sometimes I don't get it. These people who from the outside looked as if they spend their time reading the Quran 24/7 are actually disrespect to their friends, families, and husbands/wives? How is that possible? To be an obedient Muslim is one thing, but to be a good human being, generally, is also important. Why do we tend to overlook that? That's why they say, "amal tanpa ilmu" (practicing without knowledge) is of no use too. If you want to preach, make sure you have enough knowledge. If you want to judge, make sure you don't have any flaws yourself.

I'm not specifically bitter over anything or anyone right now. But back to the topic, I may not be the Melayu terakhir girl, yet why would I want to? Where's the rationale in that? I'm happy with who I am. The most important thing, as discussed, is that I AM NOT A HYPOCRITE. If I like something, I'll say it, if I hate something I'll also say it. I don't waste my time putting an act so that I'll be easily liked even though without no real substance. Is that really seek-able? Then I don't know where Malays are going. There are more to a person such as intelligence, creativity, open-mindedness, and extroversion, which are more important that just a 'demure look'.

At least, that's what I think. What do you think?

-C-