Resolution

Okay, since the two people living next door were complaining that I haven’t put up a real entry for a while so I did this one ESPECIALLY for you girls! :) So, this entry is to correspond with my New Year’s Resolution which is to Stop Flirting.

Yeah, the people laughed the first time they saw that piece of paper pinned on my soft board written, “STOP FLIRTING!” Because here’s the thing, people. I used to really enjoy flirting. I justify it by saying it was really just harmless flirting. Sometimes I even told the guys beforehand, “This is Syaza, I love to flirt so don’t expect anything.” It went on well…until one day I found out why it is hard for me to get the guys that I like. And my saviors are the two best friends - Hafiz and Pa’an. Hafiz was the first to say to me, “How can a guy know you like him because you flirt with ALL the guys!” At first I was really crushed until it dawned on me…he is right, damn. And then fast forward a few months later his best friend said the same thing without prior knowledge of the earlier comment by Hafiz. So I guess it must be true, huh.

But then last year I had a REALLY BAD experience. I got involved with a flirt. But he is a PRO. He is MUCH better than me. All the girls that he came into contact with fell head over heels for him, seriously. And I was no exception. I was swooned by his charms and basically all my roller-coaster ride last year was caused by him. And then one day while I was reminiscing it came to me; I have a feeling that God purposefully send him for me to get a taste of my own medicine. I know it's not like that person intentionally wants to hurt me or something, but I was fooled to be hoping for something more. Of course eventually I got hurt over and over because bit by bit I found out more and more that he’s been playing everyone. So I realized…wow, so THIS is how it feels like when I told the guys, “Sorry but you’re just a friend.” Now I feel bad. If only I could find back those guys and apologize to them personally…

Anyway, back to my New Year’s Resolution story, so yeah, that’s the plan. I want to stop flirting. Why, because first of all I don’t want to hurt any more people. Second of all, I believe in karma and I don’t want another repeat of last year. And third of all, so that the person I really like knows that he’s the only one I’m talking to right now :)

-C-