My Goodbye

We met in standard two, you said. You joined my class and that made us classmates. A year later, I don't remember how and I don't remember why, we became good friends. We laughed together and played together along with my neighbor, Zaida. The next year when all three of us were standard four, we were all appointed as prefects by the teacher. We were so excited and you were saying how confident you were that I am going to be the deputy head prefect two years from then when you were the one that was appointed to the post. I admit that initially I was a bit jealous. But I know you deserve it as you are more responsible than I'll ever be. And we continued being best friends and gossiped at the back of class while the teacher was teaching. Remember that time in standard four when we wrote on a piece of paper the name of the guy we had a crush on to exchange to find out that we liked the same person? Oh I still remember perfectly how we laughed that the whole class turned to look at us. You were not so good in math back then and I've always been good in that subject. I helped you as I know both of us wanted to do our best in our UPSR. The next year we were suddenly standard five students. We're both still prefects and you're still struggling with mathematics. It was then that I received my first ever 'present' from a boy who had a huge crush on me. I remember how excited you were when I told you about him and that excitement never subside even until today. You always supported me no matter what. Even when half of the class were against me the next year, you were still on my side of the classroom. When we were in standard six we both started to get serious in our studies. I remember those days you almost cry whenever you look at the red mark on the top right corner of your math paper. I wish I could help you more if not because of Cikgu Zalina putting me beside Nazatul who needed help in math too. But knowing the spirit in you, I need not worry as I know you will rise to the occasion. And you did by getting good result in your UPSR.

But the two of us were not accepted to any boarding school. It was okay to us as we had each other in SMK Seri Keramat. Even when half of our gang left to various other schools nearby, we were there for each other. We didn't know many of the other kids from another primary school but we tried our best. I remember how every recess time we would escape to the 'Laman Bestari' behind the school building and watched as cars passed by on the MRR2 flyover. We would talk of our future. How we wanted to go to UM at least. Then we could stick together forever and stay at the same place and grow as adults together. But of course our actual dream was different. I wanted to go to the States since I was thirteen and you wanted to go to Ireland. I wanted to take psychology and you wanted to do medicine. How funny it is that we both achieved only half of our dream. But back then I also had another dream: to be in the music industry one way or another. Instead of condemning my stupid dream you actually entertained me by helping me draw my 'plan'. You were a great friend, no doubt. We also would spend weekends at the National Library not really studying but just a way to spend time with each other. We were not interested in malls then. And the books that we read? Let's just say that witchcraft was not part of the school curriculum. The next year when we were in form three both of us with Iqa moved to another class as we decided not to take Arabic for our PMR. We sat next to each other up front in class as everybody else looked weirdly at us. I was in my most rebellious period in form three. I did a very very very stupid thing. You found out when you followed me to the restroom. You scolded me as I cried outside the classroom. In order to help me, you vowed to do the same thing if I continue the act. So I stopped. I love you so much. But I don't know why, we stopped being good friends nearing the end of the year. I guess it was because you were using a whole lot of your time studying while I fooled around. I took for granted the fact that I was able to catch whatever the teachers taught in class easily that I failed to support you as how you've done to me all the while. For that I am so sorry... We drifted apart and finally you sat behind me, instead of next to me, to avoid the awkward silence. But God has a bigger plan. Finally, He answered your prayers and you got 8 As for your PMR. I remember how happy you were. And not long after, you decided to leave me for boarding school, MRSM Muar to be exact. Oh, do you remember how I cried and cried the last day you were at Seri Keramat? I still do. I was apologizing to you over and over for everything that happened. You laughed through your tears calling me stupid as you've forgiven me. How beautiful your heart is.

I no longer have you by my side for my remaining two years in high school. And you're not the type of teenager that was into cells; so, we had no other way to contact each other except when you're back for holiday or if you called me from your boarding school, either crying or laughing. I think we only see each other twice a year, during the mid-year break and the long end-of-year holiday. Either your father would send you to my house or take me to yours. This continued until I got my own car and was able to drive to your house during our months-long break after the SPM examination. And then finally came the day the two of us had been waiting for the rest of our lives, the day our SPM results came out. I was to get it at my school which was ten minutes away from home but you had to go all the way to Muar to get the same news as me. Both of us excelled and our teenage dreams would be answered one by one. But it took quite some time and you became restless. I got UM but you got UiTM. There's no way we are going to be sharing a place now. Two months later however I was offered a scholarship by JPA to further my studies in the States and you were offered a scholarship by MARA to study medicine in an undecided location yet. You were sad as you did not get the chance to go to Ireland but nonetheless to be able to study medicine is already a dream come true. So you went to MSU in Shah Alam to continue in your foundation studies. I can't believe it that it was only a year ago that you confided in me how you didn't think you could fly because it was so hard and the pressure to compete with clever students who did not have to study into the late hours as you did. I said hang on and reminded you of your fighting spirit that was always present when it concerns your study. And God is gracious as one fine day I received a text from you saying you were accepted to a university in India.

I know I did not cry just now. I know I was making jokes as I watched you in KLIA just now, saying your last goodbye for a very long time to your family members. I know I gave you a meaningless picture in hopes you would remember me. But I just want you to know that I also cried when I was alone in the car as I recalled back all that you've done for me and all that I failed to do to you. We went through all the tests of a friendship: fights, months of silence, distances, and we prevailed. I was proud to see you walk towards the immigration counter and knowing in my heart you'll come back as one of Malaysia's future cardiologist to help many other people as how you've helped me. Wan Nur Fayyadhah Binti Wan Musa, I would be missing calling this frigging long name. At the same time I am proud to be the one able to spell it in my sleep. I love you.






-C-