Anyone remembers the story of me going through Damansara to get back home from Tugu Negara?
Or of a year ago when I lost Nik and just went straight on the highway heading to Shah Alam?
Or my countless stories of taking the wrong turns, and u-turning back...or sometimes I don't even take the u-turn and just find the next exit that's familiar.
But most times I'm not lost but just missed out on the right exit and ended up further from my destination.
Reckless? Irresponsible? Careless? Dumb? Or plain stupid for not 'planning' ahead? You choose.
Today I got lost again. But as usual, it was caused by my negligence to read the signboard clearly. Or maybe blame, as the above-mentioned Nik does, on Malaysia's signboards that are right.at.the.turning. Instead of heading to KL from Shah Alam, we (me and Adilah) were heading for Sabak Bernam. After I "touchED'n'WENT", we were both speechless as the scene was...unrecognizable. When Adilah spoke up I said, "Well, at least it's pretty in green." Then of course she screamed at me and asked me to take the u-turn and alas we were back at square one: in Shah Alam. I just so happen took the flyover instead of turning left. Small mistake :p
Anyway, after laughing our ass off, Adilah said, "Aku tak penah tak sesat kalau naik keta ngan ko long distance (figuratively: I always got lost with you)." And then I told her of what Diana once said, "There's always an adventure whenever I'm in the car with you (something like that)." I know it's my fault because the time that's wasted was of mine and others. But come on, admit it, it's when we're lost that we bond either through laughter, cries, screams, or just by seeing new sights.
I know that's what happened in the car today :)
-C-
The Mind Is Where The Body Isn't
Friday, December 12, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Circus
Ok don't laugh...
I actually cried listening to Britney's new songs. ...OK I may be exaggerating. I didn't exactly weep, but tears did come down my cheeks. I'm OBVIOUSLY going to buy her album this week (which came out last Tuesday on her birthday). I was just doing a bit 'pre-shopping' as I went through her songs online. And three songs caught my attention: 1. My Baby, 2. Out From Under and 3. Blur.
The first one is obviously about her sons. The second one is actually a cover and I found the original version yet I like Britney's more. It's about letting go of her past and you can really hear the regret in her voice and her wish in trying to make a new life. And the last one really touched me. It's about her state of...being high. Of not knowing where you are but wanting to get home. She's really turning a new leaf after all that had happened last year :')
-C-
I actually cried listening to Britney's new songs. ...OK I may be exaggerating. I didn't exactly weep, but tears did come down my cheeks. I'm OBVIOUSLY going to buy her album this week (which came out last Tuesday on her birthday). I was just doing a bit 'pre-shopping' as I went through her songs online. And three songs caught my attention: 1. My Baby, 2. Out From Under and 3. Blur.
The first one is obviously about her sons. The second one is actually a cover and I found the original version yet I like Britney's more. It's about letting go of her past and you can really hear the regret in her voice and her wish in trying to make a new life. And the last one really touched me. It's about her state of...being high. Of not knowing where you are but wanting to get home. She's really turning a new leaf after all that had happened last year :')
-C-
Saturday, November 22, 2008
AUP
Finally I have something to write about after so long! :)
Yesterday I went to a friend’s house and I met a few old schoolmates that I haven’t talked to since they went to boarding schools. Of course all of us now are in different universities and colleges and therefore we were exchanging stories on our experiences. Then suddenly they were talking about how hard physics is. I joined in and said I agree. And then when they moved on to calculus I said it shouldn’t be that hard. And then one of my IT major friends were complaining about her java class and although I didn’t take the class I still butt in and said programming is interesting (based on the few flowcharts classes in Ms Chong’s class). And then one of them asked me what I am taking. I said political science. And then she shook her head and asked again, “No, what subjects are you taking?” I said anything I want and all eyes were on me.
I have always wanted to go to the States for as long as I can remember. The first thing that attracted me was the environment. I love it as the place you can grow into your own self without anybody or anything to hold you back. Second of all, I remember growing up and reading all those teen novels I always love it how the students can learn biology one period and after the next bell go to art class. How amazing I thought. Because I truly, madly, deeply hate it that I was STUCK in the science stream for the two years after PMR. I don’t understand why I can’t choose to take add math, drop biology, and take geography. Well, technically I can but I know how the teachers will react if I suggest it.
So now, this is it, this is finally my time. I want to learn EVERYTHING. University life is not just about getting a degree and walk away. Well, maybe that’s the notion here in Malaysia so that’s why I am very glad I’m out of it. I hear my friends talking about how they are just studying whatever it is because that was what were offered AFTER SPM. I mean, AFTER SPM! They just look at these ten or seventeen subjects and they think they can determine the major for these kids? And then I hear about my engineering friends who have to take a test for the UNIVERSITY to decide which engineering specifically they are going to go into depth. It’s mind blowing! I know it makes sense. Only certain high achievers can carry tough subjects, I got it. But what if after that the student changes his mind? Where can he go after a whole year doing a specific foundation? So here comes the US education.
Just because we learn music or art does not make us any less well in our major. In this system, students can learn and grow for the period of two years. That’s it. After that they have to make a choice on their major. See, it’s not that bad. It’s not like until we graduate we don’t have a clue what we’re doing. It’s called a liberal education because they want for scientist to be able to talk about society and engineers to understand the economy of the world. It makes you human, not a product-producing robot.
Even after all that she did, I’ll still remember what Ms Lee said in music class while pointing at Rassyid and me. “This is the reason why the government is paying big bucks to send you all the way to the United States. They want you to come back different compared to local graduates. As an American graduate you are supposed to be cultured and that is why they have classes such as this music class.” And I agree with her.
I am a proud to be an AUP undergraduate. I am proud because instead of telling the world I learn about politics, I just have to say I LEARN. And what do I learn? Anything under the sun that I want.
-C-
Yesterday I went to a friend’s house and I met a few old schoolmates that I haven’t talked to since they went to boarding schools. Of course all of us now are in different universities and colleges and therefore we were exchanging stories on our experiences. Then suddenly they were talking about how hard physics is. I joined in and said I agree. And then when they moved on to calculus I said it shouldn’t be that hard. And then one of my IT major friends were complaining about her java class and although I didn’t take the class I still butt in and said programming is interesting (based on the few flowcharts classes in Ms Chong’s class). And then one of them asked me what I am taking. I said political science. And then she shook her head and asked again, “No, what subjects are you taking?” I said anything I want and all eyes were on me.
I have always wanted to go to the States for as long as I can remember. The first thing that attracted me was the environment. I love it as the place you can grow into your own self without anybody or anything to hold you back. Second of all, I remember growing up and reading all those teen novels I always love it how the students can learn biology one period and after the next bell go to art class. How amazing I thought. Because I truly, madly, deeply hate it that I was STUCK in the science stream for the two years after PMR. I don’t understand why I can’t choose to take add math, drop biology, and take geography. Well, technically I can but I know how the teachers will react if I suggest it.
So now, this is it, this is finally my time. I want to learn EVERYTHING. University life is not just about getting a degree and walk away. Well, maybe that’s the notion here in Malaysia so that’s why I am very glad I’m out of it. I hear my friends talking about how they are just studying whatever it is because that was what were offered AFTER SPM. I mean, AFTER SPM! They just look at these ten or seventeen subjects and they think they can determine the major for these kids? And then I hear about my engineering friends who have to take a test for the UNIVERSITY to decide which engineering specifically they are going to go into depth. It’s mind blowing! I know it makes sense. Only certain high achievers can carry tough subjects, I got it. But what if after that the student changes his mind? Where can he go after a whole year doing a specific foundation? So here comes the US education.
Just because we learn music or art does not make us any less well in our major. In this system, students can learn and grow for the period of two years. That’s it. After that they have to make a choice on their major. See, it’s not that bad. It’s not like until we graduate we don’t have a clue what we’re doing. It’s called a liberal education because they want for scientist to be able to talk about society and engineers to understand the economy of the world. It makes you human, not a product-producing robot.
Even after all that she did, I’ll still remember what Ms Lee said in music class while pointing at Rassyid and me. “This is the reason why the government is paying big bucks to send you all the way to the United States. They want you to come back different compared to local graduates. As an American graduate you are supposed to be cultured and that is why they have classes such as this music class.” And I agree with her.
I am a proud to be an AUP undergraduate. I am proud because instead of telling the world I learn about politics, I just have to say I LEARN. And what do I learn? Anything under the sun that I want.
-C-
Friday, November 7, 2008
If only
You know what the word that I hate the most is? ...if
'If' holds such a negative connotation. It reminds you of something you could have done, but didn't do. Why do people want to remind others of what they DIDN'T do? Unless by saying it you can turn back time and we can redo things, then just keep your mouth shut and thoughts to yourself. If someone has made a mistake or make the wrong choice, help the person live with it. Because in life it is simply impossible to go back and do it all again. It's impossible. So the best way to handle it is to take everything in stride and move on.
"If only others would understand this."
-C-
"If only you would have said so."
"If only you had come earlier."
"If only you had picked it up."
"If only you had chosen the other one."
"If only you didn't go."
"If only you could make it right."
"If only you had waited for me.”
"If only you had told me."
“If only you would understand.”
“If only you didn’t scream at me.”
“If only you had been easier to live with.”
"If only you had come earlier."
"If only you had picked it up."
"If only you had chosen the other one."
"If only you didn't go."
"If only you could make it right."
"If only you had waited for me.”
"If only you had told me."
“If only you would understand.”
“If only you didn’t scream at me.”
“If only you had been easier to live with.”
'If' holds such a negative connotation. It reminds you of something you could have done, but didn't do. Why do people want to remind others of what they DIDN'T do? Unless by saying it you can turn back time and we can redo things, then just keep your mouth shut and thoughts to yourself. If someone has made a mistake or make the wrong choice, help the person live with it. Because in life it is simply impossible to go back and do it all again. It's impossible. So the best way to handle it is to take everything in stride and move on.
"If only others would understand this."
-C-
Monday, November 3, 2008
Pak Yeop
Last Friday, I helped my cousin move from our house to a condominium where she’s going to share with a bunch of other working ladies. We didn’t go on our own but an uncle of ours went with us just to be safe. After we left my cousin, I had to send my uncle back to his house too. While in the car he was talking with our helper about the corruption going on in Indonesia and suddenly he became one of the people I look up to.
I want to be like him…a human. A human who understands another human’s plight and can empathize, not just sympathize. I don’t want to be just another degree holder but know nothing of the human race. It doesn’t matter to me if you have a degree in engineering, accountancy, or…graphic. If you can’t relate to another person’s story I feel sorry for you as nothing defines you except your flimsy certificate and the knowledge you’ve memorized along the way.
You know how I always say I don’t like people judging without knowing the person being judged, right?
So as they were talking, my uncle suddenly said he understands why bribery is going on especially among police officers. Being someone who had to struggle once with a low income too, he understands their struggle. Police officers sometimes accept bribery not because they are greedy, but because they are desperate. Not because of loan sharks, but perhaps because their kids are starting school and are asking for new books and pencil cases. Or perhaps one of their children is in the hospital and they do not have enough money to pay the bill. I know, this should not be the justification for a crime made. But even in Islam, before you sentence a ‘thief’ for his hands to be cut off you have to investigate WHY he stole in the first place. Is it because his other Muslim brothers and sisters do not pay their zakat? If so, you cannot cut his hands.
I’m not writing this because I’m for bribery or theft. I’m writing because I want people to remember not to judge others without getting to the bottom of it. In our everyday life, we can’t help but to make snide remarks in our head. Maybe it is over someone who’s supposedly a ‘mat rempit’, or the person who’s eating garbage out of an Alam Flora trash, or just a person walking by wearing ‘last season’s clothes’. (By the way clothes are to cover you up, not to make a status statement. We may love Ugly Betty but how many of us really understand the message behind it?) All I’m trying to say is, don’t easily mark someone under one of the many categories you may have in your head i.e. jock, slut. That’s just a world created by you, in your head. It’s not real.
And another thing, even if you think that your philosophy in life is the correct one, you have no right to force it upon others.
I have a friend, her name is Fayyadhah. …oh you guys may know her from that long post I wrote on her. Anyway, she doesn’t like cinemas. She’s never been to one and vows to not go even in the future. She has her reasons and I salute her for never giving in to peer pressure. But the cool thing about her is, if I want to watch a movie with our other friends she’s more than happy to send us off with a wave while our tickets are torn. She does not roll her eyes, or shake her head disapprovingly or even give us a lengthy lecture. She simply stays true to what she believes in, inform us of this belief of hers so that we won’t offend her and then live without ever ridiculing us and vice versa. And I think she does the right thing. Imagine saying to a teenager, “No!” It’s like telling boiling water not to evaporate: pointless, and encouraging the opposite.
Don’t take it as me saying everybody needs to be egocentric and think only of oneself and don’t care if others are doing wrong. My point is the opposite. You have to be smart in dealing with people because humans are complicated; yet, they are most beautiful creation of God.
-C-
Saturday, October 25, 2008
The Last Lecture
I recently read a book. It's called The Last Lecture. Some of you may recognize the title. It is from a guy whose video is one among many that was mostly viewed on Youtube in 2007. The first time that I read about him was in TIME magazine but I just could not remember the name whenever I was browsing through Youtube so the other day when I saw the book in MPH, I just grabbed for it. It is really a worthy book to buy. I learned a lot from the mere 200 pages. So I'm just going to list 'em down here and if you want more, feel free to go to the website :)
1. ...when there's an elephant in the room, introduce it. (pg.16)
2.We didn't buy much. But we thought about everything. (pg.22)
3. ...if you offer wisdom from a third party, it seems less arrogant and more acceptable. (pg.23)
4. ...if your kids want to paint their bedrooms, as a favor to me, let them do it. It'll be okay. (pg.30)
5. Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome. (pg. 33)
6. When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you. (pg. 37)
7. ...a man who knew what he didn't know, was perfectly willing to admit it, and didn't want to leave until he understood. (pg.45)
8. The brick walls are there for a reason. (pg.51)
9. People are more important than things. (pg.70)
10. ...automobiles are there to get you from point A to point B. They are utilitarian devices, not expressions of social status. (pg.86)
11. ...hip is short term. Earnest is long-term. (pg.133)
12. "If you wait long enough," he said, "people will show you their good side. Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out." (pg.145)
13. "...Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do." (pg.146)
14. Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. (pg.148)
15. Pack a light bulb. Be prepared. (pg.161)
16. When we're connected to others, we become better people. (pg.176)
17. Ask those questions. Just ask them. (pg.179)
18. "Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others." (pg.200)
-C-
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
We Live
Today, Diana and I survived and I don't know why but I have mixed feelings over the whole ordeal. Well, okay I'm exaggerating. It's not like we survived a car crash or a storm but nonetheless, wait till you hear this story.
Around 2pm, I drove both Diana and I to this supposed Bukit Kapur behind UIA. But we found out it wasn't really a nice spot to take photographs. So we moved on. I just drove around while Diana took her LA/Beverly Hills/US-open-road pictures. Then we reached this playground-slash-lake which is on the way to Sofiya's house. I've always wanted to check the place out so I parked my car and we walked around. After almost half an hour spent there Diana wanted to go on the swings and I followed. We were swinging underneath this canopy of trees as the clouds above turned gray. So I said to Diana let's go.
And then I just drove around still trying to find a spot to take kampung-y pictures but we failed to find that perfect spot. Therefore I made a U-turn. When we almost reach the end of the long road that meets the highway, people were flashing at me. The first thought that came to mind was there's a speed trap but at a place where cars go no more than 60km/h? And then we saw it. There was a tree on the road. A TREE. Not a branch, or a root, and definitely not a leaf but a TREE. It was the tree that Diana and I were sitting underneath just about 15 minutes before. There's no way around it so I made a U-turn and exited the route at a junction before KTT.
While I was driving I just can't get it out of my head. What if we were stubborn? What if we stayed a few minutes longer? What if while we were swinging the tree fell the other way around - on top of us. What if...? Why are we lucky? Why did we escape? Why God wants me to live another day? Hmm... Again, I know it's not that dramatic but a few minutes later and a different blog post might be written.
Maybe even not by me.
-C-
Around 2pm, I drove both Diana and I to this supposed Bukit Kapur behind UIA. But we found out it wasn't really a nice spot to take photographs. So we moved on. I just drove around while Diana took her LA/Beverly Hills/US-open-road pictures. Then we reached this playground-slash-lake which is on the way to Sofiya's house. I've always wanted to check the place out so I parked my car and we walked around. After almost half an hour spent there Diana wanted to go on the swings and I followed. We were swinging underneath this canopy of trees as the clouds above turned gray. So I said to Diana let's go.
And then I just drove around still trying to find a spot to take kampung-y pictures but we failed to find that perfect spot. Therefore I made a U-turn. When we almost reach the end of the long road that meets the highway, people were flashing at me. The first thought that came to mind was there's a speed trap but at a place where cars go no more than 60km/h? And then we saw it. There was a tree on the road. A TREE. Not a branch, or a root, and definitely not a leaf but a TREE. It was the tree that Diana and I were sitting underneath just about 15 minutes before. There's no way around it so I made a U-turn and exited the route at a junction before KTT.
While I was driving I just can't get it out of my head. What if we were stubborn? What if we stayed a few minutes longer? What if while we were swinging the tree fell the other way around - on top of us. What if...? Why are we lucky? Why did we escape? Why God wants me to live another day? Hmm... Again, I know it's not that dramatic but a few minutes later and a different blog post might be written.
Maybe even not by me.
-C-
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Strength, I Need
You know how I love to ramble on how I find it weird that some people get things easily and I don’t? (Some may say I’m crazy considering the two new toys I just got.) But I’m talking about life here, not material gains. I don’t care much over material things and that’s why I don’t really count the money I spent. I guess that’s why I’m quite ‘murah rezeki’…I think. But over life, there are just too many downs for me to count. And no, I can now differentiate between my delusional down period of my teenage years and the real problems I faced growing up. Why is it that I have to go through quite a number of obstacles to get very few things?
But being who I am, I have always believed in God more than anything else. As Muslims we have to believe that God does not put obstacles and challenges in front of us if not because we CAN overcome it. So I take it in a nutshell that that's His own unique way of saying ‘I Love You’. He knows we humans are actually strong so that’s why life is hard. If everything is easy, we will take life for granted, thus His love the same way too. I guess that’s why I get ‘stuffs’ from my parents quite easily because honestly, this may shock you, but those ‘stuffs’ do not mean much to me. I can live as happy without them. Take away my DSLR if that’s going to put a smile on your face.
What I’m trying to say is I know why God created me as I am. Why I love to do crazy things, stupid things. Why I love the outdoor, adventures, and discovery. Why I’m going to the States. Why I’m with someone who does not fit even half of my ‘dream guy’ list and yet I dream of him every night and day. It’s because God knows better of my capabilities than myself. I’m not saying that He does not love those who got it the easy way by being with someone who they have almost everything in common with but maybe their strength lies somewhere else. Me? I like a challenge. If God has faith in me, then I have faith that this is my destiny. InsyAllah.
-C-
But being who I am, I have always believed in God more than anything else. As Muslims we have to believe that God does not put obstacles and challenges in front of us if not because we CAN overcome it. So I take it in a nutshell that that's His own unique way of saying ‘I Love You’. He knows we humans are actually strong so that’s why life is hard. If everything is easy, we will take life for granted, thus His love the same way too. I guess that’s why I get ‘stuffs’ from my parents quite easily because honestly, this may shock you, but those ‘stuffs’ do not mean much to me. I can live as happy without them. Take away my DSLR if that’s going to put a smile on your face.
What I’m trying to say is I know why God created me as I am. Why I love to do crazy things, stupid things. Why I love the outdoor, adventures, and discovery. Why I’m going to the States. Why I’m with someone who does not fit even half of my ‘dream guy’ list and yet I dream of him every night and day. It’s because God knows better of my capabilities than myself. I’m not saying that He does not love those who got it the easy way by being with someone who they have almost everything in common with but maybe their strength lies somewhere else. Me? I like a challenge. If God has faith in me, then I have faith that this is my destiny. InsyAllah.
-C-
Proud Moments
Since the first semester here I had a few 'proud moments' as I like to call it, academically. I'm not writing this to brag or anything but I just want to give a pat on my own back. So here they are.
1. For the first semester, my 'proud moment' would be during my Psychology class presentation on DREAMS. I did it with Zaim, Lei Kheng, and Yi Juin. I was a bit glad that my part was a small part thus I was able to focus on the presentation as a whole. Therefore I was able to answer my classmates' inquiries. But the proudest moment for me would be in Dr. Fulton's office when he said, "You surprised me to be the best Malay girl that presented." Of course I was happy but I was also like, eh, why just pit me against the Malays? But anyway.
2. Second semester I had two proud moments. One of course during our Politics trial when I was the polyandrous Patty Perkins. I was happy because even Borges wrote good things about that in my recommendation letter. The other one was of course when I got the best speaker thing. It's not exactly that but more of what the two foreign adjudicators said, "You were rational yet passionate." :)
3. Honestly for last semester there wasn't one because i don't want to overdo myself. I mean, whatever it is I still love being the underdog. So I went for a small part in the Anthropology trial and did not lead my history debate. I guess if I have to pick then it would be when I got best speaker again. Oh and when I saw the remarks Renuka put and the mark she awarded me. I love her :D
4. Finally, I'm writing all these because I was really proud of myself over my Outlandish presentation yesterday for my Music class. I've been going through it in my mind over and over and I'm very happy. Why? Because at the end of my presentation my lecturer asked me where she can get their albums. She seemed very interested and into their music. If I can pull another person to listen to Outlandish - to GOOD, MEANINGFUL music - then that's all the motivation I need for next week's finals. :)
-C-
1. For the first semester, my 'proud moment' would be during my Psychology class presentation on DREAMS. I did it with Zaim, Lei Kheng, and Yi Juin. I was a bit glad that my part was a small part thus I was able to focus on the presentation as a whole. Therefore I was able to answer my classmates' inquiries. But the proudest moment for me would be in Dr. Fulton's office when he said, "You surprised me to be the best Malay girl that presented." Of course I was happy but I was also like, eh, why just pit me against the Malays? But anyway.
2. Second semester I had two proud moments. One of course during our Politics trial when I was the polyandrous Patty Perkins. I was happy because even Borges wrote good things about that in my recommendation letter. The other one was of course when I got the best speaker thing. It's not exactly that but more of what the two foreign adjudicators said, "You were rational yet passionate." :)
3. Honestly for last semester there wasn't one because i don't want to overdo myself. I mean, whatever it is I still love being the underdog. So I went for a small part in the Anthropology trial and did not lead my history debate. I guess if I have to pick then it would be when I got best speaker again. Oh and when I saw the remarks Renuka put and the mark she awarded me. I love her :D
4. Finally, I'm writing all these because I was really proud of myself over my Outlandish presentation yesterday for my Music class. I've been going through it in my mind over and over and I'm very happy. Why? Because at the end of my presentation my lecturer asked me where she can get their albums. She seemed very interested and into their music. If I can pull another person to listen to Outlandish - to GOOD, MEANINGFUL music - then that's all the motivation I need for next week's finals. :)
-C-
Friday, October 17, 2008
Grocery shopping
I went to Giant just now with Kak Nor. Unlike other days, I went this time in my track pants and a very very loose t-shirt. I guess I was reminiscing the second week in INTI when I drove to Alamanda in those, as what they told me. Anyway, as Kak Nor was busy grocery shopping, I just stayed by the trolley and texted my unreachable boyfriend at the time. Thus, that’s when I started to look around me.
I know a lot of people said that one of their favorite past times is people watching. Some create stories as to what will happen next to those people passing by. But being a history junky that I am, I love to wonder what’s happened to these people. What are their stories? How did they end up being at the same place as I am at the same time? And today my topic was…men. I mean middle-age men. I saw a man, with his maybe 5 year old very talkative daughter, eating ice cream as he teased her. And I also saw another man with his wife and perhaps 10 year old son looking through the row of vegetables (yuck!). What I’m trying to say is they are more or less my dad’s age. And they were in Giant on a Friday in the morning. Why were they there? What do they do for a living? How come they're with their families? Are they still on their Raya break?
Actually, I wasn't doing much 'guessing' as I was really touched. The thing that touched me was the sight in front of me and the whole idea of it. Middle age men with perfectly able bodied wives were doing their grocery together. Sweet, romantic, and seldom to see. Of course I saw some veterans too but they no longer work so it makes sense. But the rest... For me, regardless of their stories it’s plain beautiful that they did not leave their wives to do the hard, dirty job alone. I know the excuses of men who wait for their meals to be served day in and day out: “We work for you to have the money to do the grocery shopping.”
However, I love the way my Ustazah puts it. Nowadays women work too to share the burden of a higher living cost. The least that men can do is share half the work of keeping the house together.
Happy doing your grocery during the weekend people!
-C-
I know a lot of people said that one of their favorite past times is people watching. Some create stories as to what will happen next to those people passing by. But being a history junky that I am, I love to wonder what’s happened to these people. What are their stories? How did they end up being at the same place as I am at the same time? And today my topic was…men. I mean middle-age men. I saw a man, with his maybe 5 year old very talkative daughter, eating ice cream as he teased her. And I also saw another man with his wife and perhaps 10 year old son looking through the row of vegetables (yuck!). What I’m trying to say is they are more or less my dad’s age. And they were in Giant on a Friday in the morning. Why were they there? What do they do for a living? How come they're with their families? Are they still on their Raya break?
Actually, I wasn't doing much 'guessing' as I was really touched. The thing that touched me was the sight in front of me and the whole idea of it. Middle age men with perfectly able bodied wives were doing their grocery together. Sweet, romantic, and seldom to see. Of course I saw some veterans too but they no longer work so it makes sense. But the rest... For me, regardless of their stories it’s plain beautiful that they did not leave their wives to do the hard, dirty job alone. I know the excuses of men who wait for their meals to be served day in and day out: “We work for you to have the money to do the grocery shopping.”
However, I love the way my Ustazah puts it. Nowadays women work too to share the burden of a higher living cost. The least that men can do is share half the work of keeping the house together.
Happy doing your grocery during the weekend people!
-C-
Monday, October 13, 2008
Broken Glass
Broken glass, broken glass
Why are you in such a mess?
Keep yourself together,
And no one will get hurt.
Broken glass bright and amber,
Please do not collect dirt
On the dirty floor you sit on
Do you know skin can get torn?
By your recklessness
And your selfishness
And your stupidity
You don’t realize it is it.
I sigh and I sigh and I look at you
Broken glass, please
Don’t injure others too.
-C-
Why are you in such a mess?
Keep yourself together,
And no one will get hurt.
Broken glass bright and amber,
Please do not collect dirt
On the dirty floor you sit on
Do you know skin can get torn?
By your recklessness
And your selfishness
And your stupidity
You don’t realize it is it.
I sigh and I sigh and I look at you
Broken glass, please
Don’t injure others too.
-C-
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Shila's Open House
After my whole crying session last night, I decided as I woke up today to appreciate my friends before it's too late and I want to try my best to put on a smile and help them to put up theirs every time we see each other. So even though my eyes were badly bruised thanks to the bucket-full of tears, I still went to Shila's open house in Shah Alam. It's not that I don't want to go earlier, but I was not sure of the way. But because she's a dear friend of mine, I threw away my doubts and just hit the road. I picked Adilah up from UiTM first. It was the first time I went to her place in UiTM.
After that we went to pick Xema up from her house in front of Giant. I know the place as I've been there before for the same reason. Oh how I miss that short little girl. Well, she's not a girl anymore. She's now the hottest babe in MSU :) So at 3pm the three of us arrived at Shila's own crib. She's so proud and happy with the place so I'm more than excited to check in out. It was a rather small place but perfect for four university students sharing the rent. They even have Astro and a cat.
Shila said 2 till 4 was for their friends and classmate so when we arrived there weren't many people yet. Mostly people we know and have met. Que, Xema's best friend was already there together with Farass and some of their classmates. I thought Shila's going to cook but I was disappointed... Xema being herself, helped herself to my camera and started to take pictures of people and asking people to take pictures of her.
Oh and a few of Shila's other friends including an ex of a friend of mine gave them two tortoises! New pets that I hope Shila won't kill. Her brother gave her a pet rabbit once for her birthday and it died in a few months. I only visited 'him' once.
Around 4.30 almost everyone there said goodbye, including the three of us. I sent Xema back first and then Adilah as she had to wait for her parents who were coming to Shah Alam later. I had a good time. Not bad for the short period of time we were there. Nonetheless, I love them very much :)
-C-
P/s: Elly, you were freaking me out with your messages you know.
After that we went to pick Xema up from her house in front of Giant. I know the place as I've been there before for the same reason. Oh how I miss that short little girl. Well, she's not a girl anymore. She's now the hottest babe in MSU :) So at 3pm the three of us arrived at Shila's own crib. She's so proud and happy with the place so I'm more than excited to check in out. It was a rather small place but perfect for four university students sharing the rent. They even have Astro and a cat.
Shila said 2 till 4 was for their friends and classmate so when we arrived there weren't many people yet. Mostly people we know and have met. Que, Xema's best friend was already there together with Farass and some of their classmates. I thought Shila's going to cook but I was disappointed... Xema being herself, helped herself to my camera and started to take pictures of people and asking people to take pictures of her.
Oh and a few of Shila's other friends including an ex of a friend of mine gave them two tortoises! New pets that I hope Shila won't kill. Her brother gave her a pet rabbit once for her birthday and it died in a few months. I only visited 'him' once.
Around 4.30 almost everyone there said goodbye, including the three of us. I sent Xema back first and then Adilah as she had to wait for her parents who were coming to Shah Alam later. I had a good time. Not bad for the short period of time we were there. Nonetheless, I love them very much :)
-C-
P/s: Elly, you were freaking me out with your messages you know.
Friday, October 10, 2008
My Goodbye
We met in standard two, you said. You joined my class and that made us classmates. A year later, I don't remember how and I don't remember why, we became good friends. We laughed together and played together along with my neighbor, Zaida. The next year when all three of us were standard four, we were all appointed as prefects by the teacher. We were so excited and you were saying how confident you were that I am going to be the deputy head prefect two years from then when you were the one that was appointed to the post. I admit that initially I was a bit jealous. But I know you deserve it as you are more responsible than I'll ever be. And we continued being best friends and gossiped at the back of class while the teacher was teaching. Remember that time in standard four when we wrote on a piece of paper the name of the guy we had a crush on to exchange to find out that we liked the same person? Oh I still remember perfectly how we laughed that the whole class turned to look at us. You were not so good in math back then and I've always been good in that subject. I helped you as I know both of us wanted to do our best in our UPSR. The next year we were suddenly standard five students. We're both still prefects and you're still struggling with mathematics. It was then that I received my first ever 'present' from a boy who had a huge crush on me. I remember how excited you were when I told you about him and that excitement never subside even until today. You always supported me no matter what. Even when half of the class were against me the next year, you were still on my side of the classroom. When we were in standard six we both started to get serious in our studies. I remember those days you almost cry whenever you look at the red mark on the top right corner of your math paper. I wish I could help you more if not because of Cikgu Zalina putting me beside Nazatul who needed help in math too. But knowing the spirit in you, I need not worry as I know you will rise to the occasion. And you did by getting good result in your UPSR.
But the two of us were not accepted to any boarding school. It was okay to us as we had each other in SMK Seri Keramat. Even when half of our gang left to various other schools nearby, we were there for each other. We didn't know many of the other kids from another primary school but we tried our best. I remember how every recess time we would escape to the 'Laman Bestari' behind the school building and watched as cars passed by on the MRR2 flyover. We would talk of our future. How we wanted to go to UM at least. Then we could stick together forever and stay at the same place and grow as adults together. But of course our actual dream was different. I wanted to go to the States since I was thirteen and you wanted to go to Ireland. I wanted to take psychology and you wanted to do medicine. How funny it is that we both achieved only half of our dream. But back then I also had another dream: to be in the music industry one way or another. Instead of condemning my stupid dream you actually entertained me by helping me draw my 'plan'. You were a great friend, no doubt. We also would spend weekends at the National Library not really studying but just a way to spend time with each other. We were not interested in malls then. And the books that we read? Let's just say that witchcraft was not part of the school curriculum. The next year when we were in form three both of us with Iqa moved to another class as we decided not to take Arabic for our PMR. We sat next to each other up front in class as everybody else looked weirdly at us. I was in my most rebellious period in form three. I did a very very very stupid thing. You found out when you followed me to the restroom. You scolded me as I cried outside the classroom. In order to help me, you vowed to do the same thing if I continue the act. So I stopped. I love you so much. But I don't know why, we stopped being good friends nearing the end of the year. I guess it was because you were using a whole lot of your time studying while I fooled around. I took for granted the fact that I was able to catch whatever the teachers taught in class easily that I failed to support you as how you've done to me all the while. For that I am so sorry... We drifted apart and finally you sat behind me, instead of next to me, to avoid the awkward silence. But God has a bigger plan. Finally, He answered your prayers and you got 8 As for your PMR. I remember how happy you were. And not long after, you decided to leave me for boarding school, MRSM Muar to be exact. Oh, do you remember how I cried and cried the last day you were at Seri Keramat? I still do. I was apologizing to you over and over for everything that happened. You laughed through your tears calling me stupid as you've forgiven me. How beautiful your heart is.
I no longer have you by my side for my remaining two years in high school. And you're not the type of teenager that was into cells; so, we had no other way to contact each other except when you're back for holiday or if you called me from your boarding school, either crying or laughing. I think we only see each other twice a year, during the mid-year break and the long end-of-year holiday. Either your father would send you to my house or take me to yours. This continued until I got my own car and was able to drive to your house during our months-long break after the SPM examination. And then finally came the day the two of us had been waiting for the rest of our lives, the day our SPM results came out. I was to get it at my school which was ten minutes away from home but you had to go all the way to Muar to get the same news as me. Both of us excelled and our teenage dreams would be answered one by one. But it took quite some time and you became restless. I got UM but you got UiTM. There's no way we are going to be sharing a place now. Two months later however I was offered a scholarship by JPA to further my studies in the States and you were offered a scholarship by MARA to study medicine in an undecided location yet. You were sad as you did not get the chance to go to Ireland but nonetheless to be able to study medicine is already a dream come true. So you went to MSU in Shah Alam to continue in your foundation studies. I can't believe it that it was only a year ago that you confided in me how you didn't think you could fly because it was so hard and the pressure to compete with clever students who did not have to study into the late hours as you did. I said hang on and reminded you of your fighting spirit that was always present when it concerns your study. And God is gracious as one fine day I received a text from you saying you were accepted to a university in India.
I know I did not cry just now. I know I was making jokes as I watched you in KLIA just now, saying your last goodbye for a very long time to your family members. I know I gave you a meaningless picture in hopes you would remember me. But I just want you to know that I also cried when I was alone in the car as I recalled back all that you've done for me and all that I failed to do to you. We went through all the tests of a friendship: fights, months of silence, distances, and we prevailed. I was proud to see you walk towards the immigration counter and knowing in my heart you'll come back as one of Malaysia's future cardiologist to help many other people as how you've helped me. Wan Nur Fayyadhah Binti Wan Musa, I would be missing calling this frigging long name. At the same time I am proud to be the one able to spell it in my sleep. I love you.
-C-
But the two of us were not accepted to any boarding school. It was okay to us as we had each other in SMK Seri Keramat. Even when half of our gang left to various other schools nearby, we were there for each other. We didn't know many of the other kids from another primary school but we tried our best. I remember how every recess time we would escape to the 'Laman Bestari' behind the school building and watched as cars passed by on the MRR2 flyover. We would talk of our future. How we wanted to go to UM at least. Then we could stick together forever and stay at the same place and grow as adults together. But of course our actual dream was different. I wanted to go to the States since I was thirteen and you wanted to go to Ireland. I wanted to take psychology and you wanted to do medicine. How funny it is that we both achieved only half of our dream. But back then I also had another dream: to be in the music industry one way or another. Instead of condemning my stupid dream you actually entertained me by helping me draw my 'plan'. You were a great friend, no doubt. We also would spend weekends at the National Library not really studying but just a way to spend time with each other. We were not interested in malls then. And the books that we read? Let's just say that witchcraft was not part of the school curriculum. The next year when we were in form three both of us with Iqa moved to another class as we decided not to take Arabic for our PMR. We sat next to each other up front in class as everybody else looked weirdly at us. I was in my most rebellious period in form three. I did a very very very stupid thing. You found out when you followed me to the restroom. You scolded me as I cried outside the classroom. In order to help me, you vowed to do the same thing if I continue the act. So I stopped. I love you so much. But I don't know why, we stopped being good friends nearing the end of the year. I guess it was because you were using a whole lot of your time studying while I fooled around. I took for granted the fact that I was able to catch whatever the teachers taught in class easily that I failed to support you as how you've done to me all the while. For that I am so sorry... We drifted apart and finally you sat behind me, instead of next to me, to avoid the awkward silence. But God has a bigger plan. Finally, He answered your prayers and you got 8 As for your PMR. I remember how happy you were. And not long after, you decided to leave me for boarding school, MRSM Muar to be exact. Oh, do you remember how I cried and cried the last day you were at Seri Keramat? I still do. I was apologizing to you over and over for everything that happened. You laughed through your tears calling me stupid as you've forgiven me. How beautiful your heart is.
I no longer have you by my side for my remaining two years in high school. And you're not the type of teenager that was into cells; so, we had no other way to contact each other except when you're back for holiday or if you called me from your boarding school, either crying or laughing. I think we only see each other twice a year, during the mid-year break and the long end-of-year holiday. Either your father would send you to my house or take me to yours. This continued until I got my own car and was able to drive to your house during our months-long break after the SPM examination. And then finally came the day the two of us had been waiting for the rest of our lives, the day our SPM results came out. I was to get it at my school which was ten minutes away from home but you had to go all the way to Muar to get the same news as me. Both of us excelled and our teenage dreams would be answered one by one. But it took quite some time and you became restless. I got UM but you got UiTM. There's no way we are going to be sharing a place now. Two months later however I was offered a scholarship by JPA to further my studies in the States and you were offered a scholarship by MARA to study medicine in an undecided location yet. You were sad as you did not get the chance to go to Ireland but nonetheless to be able to study medicine is already a dream come true. So you went to MSU in Shah Alam to continue in your foundation studies. I can't believe it that it was only a year ago that you confided in me how you didn't think you could fly because it was so hard and the pressure to compete with clever students who did not have to study into the late hours as you did. I said hang on and reminded you of your fighting spirit that was always present when it concerns your study. And God is gracious as one fine day I received a text from you saying you were accepted to a university in India.
I know I did not cry just now. I know I was making jokes as I watched you in KLIA just now, saying your last goodbye for a very long time to your family members. I know I gave you a meaningless picture in hopes you would remember me. But I just want you to know that I also cried when I was alone in the car as I recalled back all that you've done for me and all that I failed to do to you. We went through all the tests of a friendship: fights, months of silence, distances, and we prevailed. I was proud to see you walk towards the immigration counter and knowing in my heart you'll come back as one of Malaysia's future cardiologist to help many other people as how you've helped me. Wan Nur Fayyadhah Binti Wan Musa, I would be missing calling this frigging long name. At the same time I am proud to be the one able to spell it in my sleep. I love you.
-C-
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
My Worst Best Day
If TM said he had a long day, than I had a longer one.
I woke up late today as I forgot to set the alarm. And after I took my bath thinking I’m going to my music class, he called me to inform that the meeting with JPA representatives had been brought forward to 10am. So we went, all of us including the 2008 batch. But for two hours it was spent mostly to answer the juniors’ uncertainties that we have covered lat year.
After that, to show how good a student I am, we still went to music class and joined the B class till 2 pm.
After lunch I went to the blood donation counter. I did my deed but he did not as the nurse said he had low blood pressure. So I spent almost an hour there as I helplessly ‘pumped’ my arm. I was done around 3.30 and as I walked down the MPH stairs I saw my dad’s CRV in front of Aristotle.
I ran back to my room and had a mere 15 minutes to change into my baju kurung, wear a bit make up and put on Sofiya’s tudung lilit. I rushed back down to meet my parents and we entered the hall exactly at 4. The ceremony went on till a little after 5. And then my parents wanted to take him and I out to dinner. Therefore I told both TM and him that I can’t take them to Seremban. I thought for sure won’t be a big deal as TM did not even want to go in the first place.
After I’ve changed into my jeans and t-shirt, Ms Lee called me and called me irresponsible. Whatever. So I cried in the car. It’s just that she has no right to say, “Your parents can wait till 8.30 to have dinner with you.” Even remembering her saying those words make me want to cry now and feel like punching her. I am so not that kind of daughter. I would rather her fail me, fail my whole course, and prevent me from going to the States than make me say those words to my lovely parents who had come all the way.
The four of us went to dinner at a place quite far (as in I never go with my friends). My mum was fasting so we had quite a feast. I guess because I was so distressed calling TGV, TM, and TGV again, my dad decided to used that time to surprise me with…MY OWN DSLR CAMERA! A SONY ALPHA DSLR-A200!
Oh my God I was shaking as I opened the box! I can’t believe I own my own digital single-lens reflex camera now! :) I am so going everywhere with it! I’m going to take pictures of everything in front of me! I want to go to take pictures of animals in the zoo! I will surely study all the manuals and instructions of the camera more than my stupid music course. Thank you papa and ibu! I love you guys so much!
But that’s not the end of my day. At 8.15 TM, him, and I left INTI for Seremban. At the toll we argued (discussed) until 8.37 and finally decided to take the left turn. We arrived at Jusco at 8.50 and went straight into the cinema to watch Mama Mia. I felt sorry to TM for having to have popcorn for dinner. To make up to both of them for me being ‘irresponsible’, I ‘belanja’ them the tickets. The movie ends around 10.30 and I drove back to Nilai. Then Rassyid treated TM to dinner at McD. We arrived back at INTI around 12. The movie was nice, I got to admit. But most of all I’m just glad TM was the one who was stuck with us. Whatever it is, Ms Lee has no right to treat me as one of the class jokers as I’ve been a good student all this while and this is something out of my control. She should at least try to understand. I so can’t wait for this semester to end.
All in all, I quite enjoy my day today. I don’t even bother that much over Ms Lee’s accusations but I’m a bit sad BECAUSE OF HER I could not enjoy the whatever short time I have with my parents. Ape punye cikgu la.
-C-
I woke up late today as I forgot to set the alarm. And after I took my bath thinking I’m going to my music class, he called me to inform that the meeting with JPA representatives had been brought forward to 10am. So we went, all of us including the 2008 batch. But for two hours it was spent mostly to answer the juniors’ uncertainties that we have covered lat year.
After that, to show how good a student I am, we still went to music class and joined the B class till 2 pm.
After lunch I went to the blood donation counter. I did my deed but he did not as the nurse said he had low blood pressure. So I spent almost an hour there as I helplessly ‘pumped’ my arm. I was done around 3.30 and as I walked down the MPH stairs I saw my dad’s CRV in front of Aristotle.
I ran back to my room and had a mere 15 minutes to change into my baju kurung, wear a bit make up and put on Sofiya’s tudung lilit. I rushed back down to meet my parents and we entered the hall exactly at 4. The ceremony went on till a little after 5. And then my parents wanted to take him and I out to dinner. Therefore I told both TM and him that I can’t take them to Seremban. I thought for sure won’t be a big deal as TM did not even want to go in the first place.
After I’ve changed into my jeans and t-shirt, Ms Lee called me and called me irresponsible. Whatever. So I cried in the car. It’s just that she has no right to say, “Your parents can wait till 8.30 to have dinner with you.” Even remembering her saying those words make me want to cry now and feel like punching her. I am so not that kind of daughter. I would rather her fail me, fail my whole course, and prevent me from going to the States than make me say those words to my lovely parents who had come all the way.
The four of us went to dinner at a place quite far (as in I never go with my friends). My mum was fasting so we had quite a feast. I guess because I was so distressed calling TGV, TM, and TGV again, my dad decided to used that time to surprise me with…MY OWN DSLR CAMERA! A SONY ALPHA DSLR-A200!
Oh my God I was shaking as I opened the box! I can’t believe I own my own digital single-lens reflex camera now! :) I am so going everywhere with it! I’m going to take pictures of everything in front of me! I want to go to take pictures of animals in the zoo! I will surely study all the manuals and instructions of the camera more than my stupid music course. Thank you papa and ibu! I love you guys so much!
But that’s not the end of my day. At 8.15 TM, him, and I left INTI for Seremban. At the toll we argued (discussed) until 8.37 and finally decided to take the left turn. We arrived at Jusco at 8.50 and went straight into the cinema to watch Mama Mia. I felt sorry to TM for having to have popcorn for dinner. To make up to both of them for me being ‘irresponsible’, I ‘belanja’ them the tickets. The movie ends around 10.30 and I drove back to Nilai. Then Rassyid treated TM to dinner at McD. We arrived back at INTI around 12. The movie was nice, I got to admit. But most of all I’m just glad TM was the one who was stuck with us. Whatever it is, Ms Lee has no right to treat me as one of the class jokers as I’ve been a good student all this while and this is something out of my control. She should at least try to understand. I so can’t wait for this semester to end.
All in all, I quite enjoy my day today. I don’t even bother that much over Ms Lee’s accusations but I’m a bit sad BECAUSE OF HER I could not enjoy the whatever short time I have with my parents. Ape punye cikgu la.
-C-
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Mariage - on zaim's request
First of, can't people take a joke anymore nowadays?
Okay, here's the deal. I'm going to talk about something that irks me so much and I hope you guys will have an open mind about it. If you don't, you better leave now because I'm not about to entertain another one. Maybe you might say it's my hormones talking and I don't have a clue regarding what I'm talking about. Or you can call me 'gatal'. I don't care. Why? Because for once I know I'm on the right track. If you wish to do so still, do it in your own free time cause I'm not here to listen to ya.
Have other Muslims, oops, I mean MALAYS heard that "Kahwin melengkapkan separuh agama" (Marriage is the other half to your faith)? Of course I'm writing this from the perspective of a Muslim becaue that's what I am. That is what I am first and foremost. Before I go any further I would like say something on the whole Malay-Muslim thing. I'm first a Muslim, second a Malay...or being Malay might even come in third or fourth after daughter and sister. My point is, I think it is ridiculous to follow the footsteps of the generations before me that have no basis except their own insecurities. As I always say, they are just another human whereas God knows better what's best for ALL.
My point is, why are people so afraid of marriage? Fine, I understand that marriage is not something you can play about. And that is the reason to get married in Islam you need to be ready mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. But that is not a good enough excuse why most adults won't let their children to marry young. Because frankly speaking, from my own observation of my peers, I don't find many parents who really know their kids inside out. "You're not ready," they say. "You're too young," they say. "You have to study first," they say. Oh God. Of course all those are correct in a sense but then if the parents are not there to support, who's going to?
I totally hate in when...let me give you a situation. A and B want to get married because they know that it is sinning to be thinking of another person longer than someone should of God Himself. They understand that being physically together is wrong but it's not under their control that for A, B is the only person who understands and supports everything about A and vice versa. And both of them are Muslims. One day they decide to ask permission from their respective parents and relatives because they are confident they are acting by the book. But they were wrong. What's the first question asked by these relatives? "What have you guys done?!" As if that's the only reason to get married: to get laid (sorry if it' starting to sound unlike me).
Maybe our elders might have some ground. Maybe they're talking from experience. But whose experience? The few that discovered many years later marriage is not so wonderful after all? I only have one thing to say to these people: God is fair. The only reason that might happen is if you did not take the chance to do it right the one time you have it. They say you are young once and you never know when you're going to die. So what happens if before you die you were deny the other half of your faith from those ignorant of Islam? Isn't it sad? Plus, consider that people can slip by a second, a third person might come into the picture, and the most important thing, what if the lack-off of this partnership is behind the ruins of a person's life and not his supposed 'gatal time belajar'.
Two of my Ustazahs married while they were doing their first degree. And both of them graduated successfully and one of them even has a husband that graduated overseas. They both have five children and living happily with the husbands they met years ago. Yet, many couples who got married after being in a relationship for almost a decade either end in divorce or a lifetime of 'silent war'. Take UIA for example, why do they provide housing and financial aid to those who decide to get married while studying? Because it is the right thing to do. Because marriage between two families that love one another is simply beautiful.
Islam does not teach us to 'couple' and I admit it. Islam teaches that if you find the right person do not waste your time and play around fire. The next step is to get the blessings of God. My only concern is this: if the family does not even support this beautiful act, who's going to?
-C-
Okay, here's the deal. I'm going to talk about something that irks me so much and I hope you guys will have an open mind about it. If you don't, you better leave now because I'm not about to entertain another one. Maybe you might say it's my hormones talking and I don't have a clue regarding what I'm talking about. Or you can call me 'gatal'. I don't care. Why? Because for once I know I'm on the right track. If you wish to do so still, do it in your own free time cause I'm not here to listen to ya.
Have other Muslims, oops, I mean MALAYS heard that "Kahwin melengkapkan separuh agama" (Marriage is the other half to your faith)? Of course I'm writing this from the perspective of a Muslim becaue that's what I am. That is what I am first and foremost. Before I go any further I would like say something on the whole Malay-Muslim thing. I'm first a Muslim, second a Malay...or being Malay might even come in third or fourth after daughter and sister. My point is, I think it is ridiculous to follow the footsteps of the generations before me that have no basis except their own insecurities. As I always say, they are just another human whereas God knows better what's best for ALL.
My point is, why are people so afraid of marriage? Fine, I understand that marriage is not something you can play about. And that is the reason to get married in Islam you need to be ready mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. But that is not a good enough excuse why most adults won't let their children to marry young. Because frankly speaking, from my own observation of my peers, I don't find many parents who really know their kids inside out. "You're not ready," they say. "You're too young," they say. "You have to study first," they say. Oh God. Of course all those are correct in a sense but then if the parents are not there to support, who's going to?
I totally hate in when...let me give you a situation. A and B want to get married because they know that it is sinning to be thinking of another person longer than someone should of God Himself. They understand that being physically together is wrong but it's not under their control that for A, B is the only person who understands and supports everything about A and vice versa. And both of them are Muslims. One day they decide to ask permission from their respective parents and relatives because they are confident they are acting by the book. But they were wrong. What's the first question asked by these relatives? "What have you guys done?!" As if that's the only reason to get married: to get laid (sorry if it' starting to sound unlike me).
Maybe our elders might have some ground. Maybe they're talking from experience. But whose experience? The few that discovered many years later marriage is not so wonderful after all? I only have one thing to say to these people: God is fair. The only reason that might happen is if you did not take the chance to do it right the one time you have it. They say you are young once and you never know when you're going to die. So what happens if before you die you were deny the other half of your faith from those ignorant of Islam? Isn't it sad? Plus, consider that people can slip by a second, a third person might come into the picture, and the most important thing, what if the lack-off of this partnership is behind the ruins of a person's life and not his supposed 'gatal time belajar'.
Two of my Ustazahs married while they were doing their first degree. And both of them graduated successfully and one of them even has a husband that graduated overseas. They both have five children and living happily with the husbands they met years ago. Yet, many couples who got married after being in a relationship for almost a decade either end in divorce or a lifetime of 'silent war'. Take UIA for example, why do they provide housing and financial aid to those who decide to get married while studying? Because it is the right thing to do. Because marriage between two families that love one another is simply beautiful.
Islam does not teach us to 'couple' and I admit it. Islam teaches that if you find the right person do not waste your time and play around fire. The next step is to get the blessings of God. My only concern is this: if the family does not even support this beautiful act, who's going to?
-C-
Thursday, September 25, 2008
AUKU
Yesterday Sofiya, Rassyid and I went to the "Abolish AUKU" forum. Well of course I wasn't expecting much but I thought let's just give it a try. So we went. Of course personally I am interested in abolishing the act. Especially after the 'argument' I had with Shila, I want to have a fair chance the next time we see each other :p She as a law student understandably understands more but I want to be at par with her to not look like a fool defending something without basis. And so we went.
Let me start by saying that Sofiya left after the first speaker was done.
There were three speakers, obviously, as it was a forum. But the thing we were wondering was who will the speakers be? If it's some law student voicing his opinion than thanks but no thanks. But how were we to know these speakers are no better. The first speaker was someone from Gerakan Mahasiswa Mansuhkan AUKU (GMMA). I don't want to comment on his English nor speaking ability. I admit so he won't be getting high marks on his MUET but for me his confidence to speak out is a bit admirable regardless of grammatical and pronunciation mistakes. But because of that he lost the attention of the mostly law students audience.
The second speaker? First of all, she wasn't even standing. If her voice is loud then it's okay but the thing is she was reading a text. A TEXT! She was 'reading' about Academic Freedom and I think quoting the whole speech from some Harvard professor. And she was a bit emotional, I got to admit. Or maybe I'm the only one who sense it? Nevertheless.
The last speaker is the only person whom I wished would have talk longer. He's the DAP member and our MP that used to (or still?) teach law in INTI. No wonder the students were suddenly interested in the forum as he is a good speaker and I believe a good lecturer. And when he answered questions, he was the only one who was professional and did not get carried away. I mean I understand why the first two speakers really wanted to abolish AUKU (I do think every sane student would want the same thing) but to gain respect you have to give respect. The MPs not going to listen to you if you keep repeating the word 'stupid'... Anyway, the only thing I was disappointed with the third speaker was that he included politics every two sentences. Sure I agree every thing about our every day life IS politics, but when we're talking about AUKU then talk about AUKU.
Honestly at the end of it I don't think I'm any more enlightened than I was an hour earlier. Shila is so going to win another argument again. And Pia, yup, she made the right choice to leave.
-C-
Let me start by saying that Sofiya left after the first speaker was done.
There were three speakers, obviously, as it was a forum. But the thing we were wondering was who will the speakers be? If it's some law student voicing his opinion than thanks but no thanks. But how were we to know these speakers are no better. The first speaker was someone from Gerakan Mahasiswa Mansuhkan AUKU (GMMA). I don't want to comment on his English nor speaking ability. I admit so he won't be getting high marks on his MUET but for me his confidence to speak out is a bit admirable regardless of grammatical and pronunciation mistakes. But because of that he lost the attention of the mostly law students audience.
The second speaker? First of all, she wasn't even standing. If her voice is loud then it's okay but the thing is she was reading a text. A TEXT! She was 'reading' about Academic Freedom and I think quoting the whole speech from some Harvard professor. And she was a bit emotional, I got to admit. Or maybe I'm the only one who sense it? Nevertheless.
The last speaker is the only person whom I wished would have talk longer. He's the DAP member and our MP that used to (or still?) teach law in INTI. No wonder the students were suddenly interested in the forum as he is a good speaker and I believe a good lecturer. And when he answered questions, he was the only one who was professional and did not get carried away. I mean I understand why the first two speakers really wanted to abolish AUKU (I do think every sane student would want the same thing) but to gain respect you have to give respect. The MPs not going to listen to you if you keep repeating the word 'stupid'... Anyway, the only thing I was disappointed with the third speaker was that he included politics every two sentences. Sure I agree every thing about our every day life IS politics, but when we're talking about AUKU then talk about AUKU.
Honestly at the end of it I don't think I'm any more enlightened than I was an hour earlier. Shila is so going to win another argument again. And Pia, yup, she made the right choice to leave.
-C-
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Cuti-cuti Malaysia
Yesterday in class Mr Lee talked about the independence of Malaya. And as we all know, it includes subtopics covering the three major parties in the country back then (can't tell if it's the same now). One of them is MIC and suddenly I missed my girlfriends so much!!! What's the connection? Well, Adilah was one of them who loved to call me Tun Sambathan. Sometimes when she's really in a 'good mood', John Thivy. Why, let it just be between me and my classmates. So there I was in class and I texted her saying how much I miss her. And then Mr Lee also mentioned something about the Tugu Negara. Believe it or not even as a native KL-ite I only went there last year. I was thinking back of all the good times and decided to dedicate this post to my two partners-in-Cuti2 Malaysia, Adilah and Asilah (and sometimes joined by Hazimah)...
The first picture was of Adilah and I looking out of KL Tower. The second picture there was of the two of us again posing in the rain by the fountain. The three of us - Adilah, Asilah, and I - went there on the Wednesday after the last SPM paper. I guess we decided to go there because that was one of the many tourist spots in KL that I was actually confident of finding my way without getting lost. First we went 'trekking' at the Bukit Nanas Reserve and had lunch there...our take-away McD! After that we went to watch the mini cultural show at the lobby. We were laughing watching the abangs dancing and feeling awkward because of the intimate setting.
And then we went to the Tugu Negara. This is a funny story. Because, well, despite the fact for all three of us being KL-ites, that was the first time ever we went there. We were like "WOOO!" Because in the many pictures we've seen the monument it look quite tiny and then when we were there...look at the pictures! Our amazement of the place made us chose it for our high school reunion later. But the the best part of that trip was that on the way back...I took the wrong turn and had to go back to KL through DAMANSARA! And, guess what we had for lunch...McD!
It was December when we went on our cuti-cuti Malaysia and so we decided to go to the Eye On Malaysia at Tasik Titiwangsa. We had a good outing that day as you can see in the pictures the weather was just beautiful. Plus we went with my good friend, Xema, who is like the mother of all mothers of cam whore. She was a good photographer and she has the eyes of a creative director, sumpah. After that we went to Kenny Rogers where I got into a fight with the rude waitress there. Serious, my friends were like, "Okay better not say a word to Syaz now."
We also went to the Islamic Science Convention thingy at KLCC - Kuala Lumpur Convention Center. And to those who know me know how I am when surrounded with many many things not seen in my every day life. I did lots of stupid things there that I think only my girls appreciate my antics...
Those two pictures were of us going to KLCC and then later to the place near Ampang I talked about long ago where there were many monkeys! That was our last trip and after that something I really regret happened... But no worries, we're continuing our cuti-cuti Malaysia now! I guess as long as we're living here on this soil proudly called as Malaysia, we'll never stop discovering new things :)
-C
The first picture was of Adilah and I looking out of KL Tower. The second picture there was of the two of us again posing in the rain by the fountain. The three of us - Adilah, Asilah, and I - went there on the Wednesday after the last SPM paper. I guess we decided to go there because that was one of the many tourist spots in KL that I was actually confident of finding my way without getting lost. First we went 'trekking' at the Bukit Nanas Reserve and had lunch there...our take-away McD! After that we went to watch the mini cultural show at the lobby. We were laughing watching the abangs dancing and feeling awkward because of the intimate setting.
And then we went to the Tugu Negara. This is a funny story. Because, well, despite the fact for all three of us being KL-ites, that was the first time ever we went there. We were like "WOOO!" Because in the many pictures we've seen the monument it look quite tiny and then when we were there...look at the pictures! Our amazement of the place made us chose it for our high school reunion later. But the the best part of that trip was that on the way back...I took the wrong turn and had to go back to KL through DAMANSARA! And, guess what we had for lunch...McD!
It was December when we went on our cuti-cuti Malaysia and so we decided to go to the Eye On Malaysia at Tasik Titiwangsa. We had a good outing that day as you can see in the pictures the weather was just beautiful. Plus we went with my good friend, Xema, who is like the mother of all mothers of cam whore. She was a good photographer and she has the eyes of a creative director, sumpah. After that we went to Kenny Rogers where I got into a fight with the rude waitress there. Serious, my friends were like, "Okay better not say a word to Syaz now."
We also went to the Islamic Science Convention thingy at KLCC - Kuala Lumpur Convention Center. And to those who know me know how I am when surrounded with many many things not seen in my every day life. I did lots of stupid things there that I think only my girls appreciate my antics...
Those two pictures were of us going to KLCC and then later to the place near Ampang I talked about long ago where there were many monkeys! That was our last trip and after that something I really regret happened... But no worries, we're continuing our cuti-cuti Malaysia now! I guess as long as we're living here on this soil proudly called as Malaysia, we'll never stop discovering new things :)
-C
Bubble...
Dear Bubble,
It's been a long time since I wrote to you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being 'sombong' or anything. I just thought I have nothing more to say to you.
But today Sofiya said something that made me realize another thing. I think after all this time it's starting to make sense why you're acting the way you do. I guess you did not choose to do so but I kind of made you that way. Sofiya has been telling me over and over that it was me who pushed you away when you wanted to talk to me. It was me who signed out of MSN when you signed in. It was me who replied you texts three hours late when you asked me how's class. It was me who ruined whatever we had back then.
For that, I want to apologize. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize to you dear bubble.
During this month of Ramadhan, I actually took the time the other day to read back my posts one year back when I wrote mostly about you. Because you were my companion back then. You were my rock when I wanted to cry (even if it's over you). You were the one who wanted - WANTED - to eat sahur with me. You were to one who texted me every day without fail, "haha...selamat berbuke" with your famous way of ending it without a period. You were my friend and I failed to recognize that.
It all started when I found my current boyfriend. I thought, no, I don't need nobody else. How wrong was I. Of course he is everything to me, my boyfriend and my best friend. But truth be told he's different and you're different bubble. This may be selfish but I do want both of you in my life. But I guess I'm too late now... I saw you the other day and it brought back mix emotions. I was happy that you found new friends. I was a bit jealous because it used to be me who sat in front of you. I was glad that it wasn't me you would be hurting the next day. But most of all, I was disappointed when you rushed off after seeing me.
Dear bubble, forgive me for being an a$$. If I can go back in time, I want to be there every time you nudged me on that silly window we developed our friendship.
-C-
It's been a long time since I wrote to you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being 'sombong' or anything. I just thought I have nothing more to say to you.
But today Sofiya said something that made me realize another thing. I think after all this time it's starting to make sense why you're acting the way you do. I guess you did not choose to do so but I kind of made you that way. Sofiya has been telling me over and over that it was me who pushed you away when you wanted to talk to me. It was me who signed out of MSN when you signed in. It was me who replied you texts three hours late when you asked me how's class. It was me who ruined whatever we had back then.
For that, I want to apologize. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize to you dear bubble.
During this month of Ramadhan, I actually took the time the other day to read back my posts one year back when I wrote mostly about you. Because you were my companion back then. You were my rock when I wanted to cry (even if it's over you). You were the one who wanted - WANTED - to eat sahur with me. You were to one who texted me every day without fail, "haha...selamat berbuke" with your famous way of ending it without a period. You were my friend and I failed to recognize that.
It all started when I found my current boyfriend. I thought, no, I don't need nobody else. How wrong was I. Of course he is everything to me, my boyfriend and my best friend. But truth be told he's different and you're different bubble. This may be selfish but I do want both of you in my life. But I guess I'm too late now... I saw you the other day and it brought back mix emotions. I was happy that you found new friends. I was a bit jealous because it used to be me who sat in front of you. I was glad that it wasn't me you would be hurting the next day. But most of all, I was disappointed when you rushed off after seeing me.
Dear bubble, forgive me for being an a$$. If I can go back in time, I want to be there every time you nudged me on that silly window we developed our friendship.
-C-
Monday, September 22, 2008
Teacher's Pet
Last week I felt like the dumbest teacher's pet.
Why dumb?
Because I was feeling very high.
Why teacher's pet?
Because of the nice lecturers I have here.
But now I feel like the dumbest teacher's pet.
Why dumb?
Because I jumped to conclusion.
Why teacher's pet?
Because...well, maybe He can explain it if you guys ask.
Funny, don't you think?
Maybe I should stick to where I belong.
As the proud underdog.
-C-
Why dumb?
Because I was feeling very high.
Why teacher's pet?
Because of the nice lecturers I have here.
But now I feel like the dumbest teacher's pet.
Why dumb?
Because I jumped to conclusion.
Why teacher's pet?
Because...well, maybe He can explain it if you guys ask.
Funny, don't you think?
Maybe I should stick to where I belong.
As the proud underdog.
-C-
Friday, September 12, 2008
The heirs of Malacca
The other day in Malaysian Studies we learned (again) about the Sultanate of Malacca. Our lecturer talked about the four famous sultans all the way till the last sultan, Sultan Mahmud Syah. And then as we all know through endless hours reading our high school history textbook years ago, Malacca was attacked by the Portuguese.
Therefore, when the empire fell to Portugal in 1511, Sultan Mahmud Syah retreated to Kampar, and died there in 1528. From then on Malacca no longer had a sultan up until today. But then, oh, wait a second, it does not stop there. It appeared that the Sultan left an heir that then went on to rule another great empire on the Peninsula which happens to be the empire of Johor-Riau. And the first sultan of Johor was no one else but Sultan Alauddin Riayat Shah II, the son of the last sultan of Malacca.
Okay, but I'm not here to talk on the history of Malacca or the subsequent Johor-Riau empire. Read on.
But Sultan Mahmud Shah did not just leave behind one son. Instead he left the Malays with TWO princes. And the second prince was named Sultan Muzaffar Syah. If his brother Sultan Alauddin Riayat Syah II went on to establish the Sultanate of Johor, what happened to the next beloved prince? Can Sultan Muzaffar Syah rise to the expectation of his brother? Well, of course he can and he did! After his father's death he was invited to rule Perak and hence became the first sultan of Perak. Unlike Johor, the current sultan of Perak is the descendant of the last Sultan of Malacca.
The moral of the story? Well, it has nothing to do with Malaysia. Hey, this is my blog. Anyway, to tell the truth I've always been attracted to Perakian boys, even though I don't meet many, for one irrational reason: I am 100% Perakian by blood. I had this...'dream' of continuing the 'bloodline'. Sounds very stupid, no? And I just came to realized that my brother is the one who got to live my dream. So I told him (Mr. Bf) about this and he was the one who convinced me that we actually do share the same history. The descendants of the Sultan of Malacca did rule both Perak and Johor respectively. Thus, that makes us Malacca people!
*giggle*
-C-
Therefore, when the empire fell to Portugal in 1511, Sultan Mahmud Syah retreated to Kampar, and died there in 1528. From then on Malacca no longer had a sultan up until today. But then, oh, wait a second, it does not stop there. It appeared that the Sultan left an heir that then went on to rule another great empire on the Peninsula which happens to be the empire of Johor-Riau. And the first sultan of Johor was no one else but Sultan Alauddin Riayat Shah II, the son of the last sultan of Malacca.
Okay, but I'm not here to talk on the history of Malacca or the subsequent Johor-Riau empire. Read on.
But Sultan Mahmud Shah did not just leave behind one son. Instead he left the Malays with TWO princes. And the second prince was named Sultan Muzaffar Syah. If his brother Sultan Alauddin Riayat Syah II went on to establish the Sultanate of Johor, what happened to the next beloved prince? Can Sultan Muzaffar Syah rise to the expectation of his brother? Well, of course he can and he did! After his father's death he was invited to rule Perak and hence became the first sultan of Perak. Unlike Johor, the current sultan of Perak is the descendant of the last Sultan of Malacca.
The moral of the story? Well, it has nothing to do with Malaysia. Hey, this is my blog. Anyway, to tell the truth I've always been attracted to Perakian boys, even though I don't meet many, for one irrational reason: I am 100% Perakian by blood. I had this...'dream' of continuing the 'bloodline'. Sounds very stupid, no? And I just came to realized that my brother is the one who got to live my dream. So I told him (Mr. Bf) about this and he was the one who convinced me that we actually do share the same history. The descendants of the Sultan of Malacca did rule both Perak and Johor respectively. Thus, that makes us Malacca people!
*giggle*
-C-
Friday, September 5, 2008
My Worst Regret
I don't believe in regrets. Like they say, live in the present as it is a present. Don't fret about the past or worry about the future. Anyway your past makes you who you are so regretting is kind of like denying yourself. However, I do have one regret in my life. I regret...I regret that I tried dieting early this year. Why oh why did I fall under this shallow pressure...
All my life I was known among my friends as the one who can finish her food earlier than all combine AND finish their food too if they aren't able to do so. If there's a food eating competition at my school I'll be the first name they would suggest to the teacher. If we're eating out I would be the joke of the day for eating everything in front of me that's not green. It's just a known fact that SYAZA EATS.
Then came college. Everybody is so concern over their weight and figure when I don't really give a damn if I don't have the flattest tummy and was quite slim with no figure whatsoever. And I did think then that I won't fall for this one type of peer pressure. I thought, so what if I'm a bit out of shape, I love my body all the same. All that was important to me back then was that I was healthy. I hell can run for 40 minutes without feeling a slight dizziness. But now...Damn!
Really, if there's one thing I can redo in my life it is NOT to diet. When I diet, I ate less and I guess my body adjusted to that. So, if I eat more than my 'diet portion' now I would bloat easily. Back when I used to be the eating hero among my friends my body was able to accept all that food as it is 'normal' to me then. Plus I used to exercise a lot. So it didn't matter that I eat a lot too. I'd burn it all eventually especially during the weekends. But that was when my schedule was quite fixed with school, tuition, then home. Now my classes might end early or late. And then with the late night studying *cough* I'm not that psyched over exercising anymore. Honestly, I'm not really proud of myself now. I'm worse off now on the outside AND inside (physiologically speaking).
So people, now you know what my number one regret is. Good luck on my next True Friends Test!
-C-
All my life I was known among my friends as the one who can finish her food earlier than all combine AND finish their food too if they aren't able to do so. If there's a food eating competition at my school I'll be the first name they would suggest to the teacher. If we're eating out I would be the joke of the day for eating everything in front of me that's not green. It's just a known fact that SYAZA EATS.
Then came college. Everybody is so concern over their weight and figure when I don't really give a damn if I don't have the flattest tummy and was quite slim with no figure whatsoever. And I did think then that I won't fall for this one type of peer pressure. I thought, so what if I'm a bit out of shape, I love my body all the same. All that was important to me back then was that I was healthy. I hell can run for 40 minutes without feeling a slight dizziness. But now...Damn!
Really, if there's one thing I can redo in my life it is NOT to diet. When I diet, I ate less and I guess my body adjusted to that. So, if I eat more than my 'diet portion' now I would bloat easily. Back when I used to be the eating hero among my friends my body was able to accept all that food as it is 'normal' to me then. Plus I used to exercise a lot. So it didn't matter that I eat a lot too. I'd burn it all eventually especially during the weekends. But that was when my schedule was quite fixed with school, tuition, then home. Now my classes might end early or late. And then with the late night studying *cough* I'm not that psyched over exercising anymore. Honestly, I'm not really proud of myself now. I'm worse off now on the outside AND inside (physiologically speaking).
So people, now you know what my number one regret is. Good luck on my next True Friends Test!
-C-
Monday, September 1, 2008
Ramadhan
SELAMAT MENYAMBUT BULAN RAMADHAN 1429H
Semoga kita sama-sama mendapat rahmat dan keampunan-Nya dan semoga ibadah puasa tahun ini diterima oleh Allah swt sebagai ibadah hamba-Nya yang soleh/solehah. Mari kita menghidupkan semula roh Ramadhan kerana sesungguhnya kite dianugerahi rezeki yang tidak terhingga ini untuk bertemu sekali lagi dengan Ramadhan tahun ini. Banyakkan ibadah, kurangkan yang tidak berfaedah... :) Bersama-samalah kita berusaha.
-C-
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah, God has been his Ar-Rahman self, The All Beneficent, The Most Merciful, The Compassionate, and The Most Gracious with me ever since the first day I stepped foot on INTI's ground. He has not given up on me after all these years of success and has continued to award me with many many things to be grateful for from the time of my first semester here. And He has not disappoint me this time either.
However, I just wish that one day I'll be able to outdo myself :) Now THAT would be a celebration. Till then, I know God has the best plan laid out for me right now. So go Chesza and all my friends!
-C-
p/s: I have to be honest that at first I did not plan to write an oh-so-cheery entry like I did. I've seen the pattern of INTI people seldom congratulating one another maybe out of competitiveness. They seem to only care of how they beat one another. But oh well, congratulations to everyone anyway! Believe me, you deserve what you get :)
However, I just wish that one day I'll be able to outdo myself :) Now THAT would be a celebration. Till then, I know God has the best plan laid out for me right now. So go Chesza and all my friends!
-C-
p/s: I have to be honest that at first I did not plan to write an oh-so-cheery entry like I did. I've seen the pattern of INTI people seldom congratulating one another maybe out of competitiveness. They seem to only care of how they beat one another. But oh well, congratulations to everyone anyway! Believe me, you deserve what you get :)
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The BIG P
I have been with him for only...seven months. Barely past the half year mark. But I think I have learned to understand him and his actions more. People say that when you spend a lot of time with a person, you'll slowly develop the person's personality. And I am not complaining.
What I'm trying to say is, I'm starting to understand his stand on politics. Regarding the whole drama of the recent by-election, I am actually very proud of myself. Seriously. I realized recently that when it comes to the big P, I have come to aspire to be like two persons - my boyfriend and my lecturer, Prof Borges. I know for a fact that both of them are very passionate about politics but they don't show it. When I say they don't show it it doesn't mean that they don't care. They are just being professional, being logical, unlike me. And that's what I strive to be now.
Almost all my teenage life people have said that I am too sensitive and that sometimes I got blinded by it. I used to deny it by objecting that when I am passionate about something, I put my whole heart into it. I didn't realize then that THAT's the problem. I only put my heart into it. What about the most important part - my head? It's sad that I'm only starting to see what others have been telling me for ages. I admit now that I used to be quite biased. I only read stories/news from one side. I have only one political leader on my "Chesza is a fan of..." on my Friendster page. How can I debate, fight, and be an effective political science major with this attitude?
Now I want to start doing what I should have done a long time ago. Don't get too attached. I should turn back to the old me, when I still wanted to become a psychologist. I never like politics back then especially political leaders. I never believe that there is a better one. Like Dr. Renuka said, "There is no such thing as a good politician." When I think of it this way, I see things much clearer. I don't mix anger and frustration with opposing political views anymore. Nowadays I don't even blame the ruling party for everything that's wrong in the country. The truth is, many things led to this mess and I don't want to point fingers anymore. They say that when you point a finger, there are three more fingers pointing back at you. Maybe they have their faults but so does the other party. It's just human nature: power makes people do all sorts of crazy things. And not one person can guarantee the opposing party won't turn the same way. Research have shown that sooner or later we always disapprove of the same leaders we voted into office. Why is that so?
I guess what I want right now is just a happy and healthy Malaysia. It's not much to ask for but nevertheless it is on my wish list for the coming National Day this Sunday :)
-C-
What I'm trying to say is, I'm starting to understand his stand on politics. Regarding the whole drama of the recent by-election, I am actually very proud of myself. Seriously. I realized recently that when it comes to the big P, I have come to aspire to be like two persons - my boyfriend and my lecturer, Prof Borges. I know for a fact that both of them are very passionate about politics but they don't show it. When I say they don't show it it doesn't mean that they don't care. They are just being professional, being logical, unlike me. And that's what I strive to be now.
Almost all my teenage life people have said that I am too sensitive and that sometimes I got blinded by it. I used to deny it by objecting that when I am passionate about something, I put my whole heart into it. I didn't realize then that THAT's the problem. I only put my heart into it. What about the most important part - my head? It's sad that I'm only starting to see what others have been telling me for ages. I admit now that I used to be quite biased. I only read stories/news from one side. I have only one political leader on my "Chesza is a fan of..." on my Friendster page. How can I debate, fight, and be an effective political science major with this attitude?
Now I want to start doing what I should have done a long time ago. Don't get too attached. I should turn back to the old me, when I still wanted to become a psychologist. I never like politics back then especially political leaders. I never believe that there is a better one. Like Dr. Renuka said, "There is no such thing as a good politician." When I think of it this way, I see things much clearer. I don't mix anger and frustration with opposing political views anymore. Nowadays I don't even blame the ruling party for everything that's wrong in the country. The truth is, many things led to this mess and I don't want to point fingers anymore. They say that when you point a finger, there are three more fingers pointing back at you. Maybe they have their faults but so does the other party. It's just human nature: power makes people do all sorts of crazy things. And not one person can guarantee the opposing party won't turn the same way. Research have shown that sooner or later we always disapprove of the same leaders we voted into office. Why is that so?
I guess what I want right now is just a happy and healthy Malaysia. It's not much to ask for but nevertheless it is on my wish list for the coming National Day this Sunday :)
SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI KEMERDEKAAN KE-51!
-C-
Monday, August 25, 2008
the weekend.
Last weekend the boyfriend came over. He came on Saturday and I picked him up from the Ampang Star LRT station. We went to KLCC first for a while before heading back home. At my house as usual, if you don't eat you cannot stay there (thus, me becoming me). As soon as we stepped through the door my mum was already waiting at the dining table with many kinds of food spread on the table. And then that night it was all about macaroni soup. Only after all the stuffing did we start 'studying'. Haha what can you really study for TOEFL anyway. So we actually just fooled around making fun of one another as usual. It went on until midnight when we were too tired to laugh anymore. The next day we woke early (something both of us had not done for a long time) and got ready. My parents sent us to the testing center and instead of being three hours as what I had told my parents, it turned out to be four hours. After my parents treated all of us to lunch, I sent him back to the LRT station I had picked him up from the day before. He was soon on the bus heading back to his hometown.
It was a simple weekend, nonetheless a lovely one. No extravagant dinners or special treatments or anything like that. Just my family, him, and I. And us being us, there were a lot of name calling, fooling around and being plain sarcastic. Sometimes I wonder if this is normal and healthy. I mean, I don't see many couples around me act as we do. But the truth is, this is the kind of relationship I had wanted to be in since a long time ago. One where there's no pretensions or walls between us. I guess the truth is he is the only one I can truly be myself by acting the way I do and saying the things I said without regretting a single thing later. I'm glad he is the opposite of me. I am having so much fun bullying him around for being himself :p
-C-
It was a simple weekend, nonetheless a lovely one. No extravagant dinners or special treatments or anything like that. Just my family, him, and I. And us being us, there were a lot of name calling, fooling around and being plain sarcastic. Sometimes I wonder if this is normal and healthy. I mean, I don't see many couples around me act as we do. But the truth is, this is the kind of relationship I had wanted to be in since a long time ago. One where there's no pretensions or walls between us. I guess the truth is he is the only one I can truly be myself by acting the way I do and saying the things I said without regretting a single thing later. I'm glad he is the opposite of me. I am having so much fun bullying him around for being himself :p
-C-
Thursday, August 21, 2008
A Thousand Splendid Suns
I know it is a bit late for me to be reading this amazing book by Khaled Hosseini but who cares. It is a very good book that it evokes many sides of me. Hey, arts are supposed to stimulate the senses, to affect emotions, and to evoke ideas, right? ;-)
Khaled Hosseini did another amazing job with this book. It is again set in Afghanistan, in Herat at first and then it moves to Kabul. But this time, instead of the heroin fleeing the country like what the hero in The Kite Runner did, they stayed for the three decades when Afghanistan was under the Soviets, The Mujaheddin, and then lastly the Taliban before the United States army landed. But I'm not going to talk about the beautiful way Khaled Hosseini narrates this historical fiction but instead of the symbolic messages behind it all.
This is a story of Mariam and Laila. Mariam is a love-child, an 'anak luar nikah', or simply put in the book as a harami. Laila on the other hand is this beautiful young girl who was crazily in love with her boyfriend, Tariq, and ended up giving birth to their child, Aziza, out of wedlock. At first glance, a conservative Malaysian might not like the idea of it all. But I do. This is a real fictional story of the real world. There is no denying of it happening, both in the 70s and also right now. But as the story unfolds you can see that neither of the girls is bad. Laila just...slipped. And their lives intertwined when both were forced to marry an old man who lost his wife and son in a freak accident.
Now about this man. He beats up his wives as he wishes. He FORCED them to wear the burqa. He is a drinker and has no respect for woman. And as I was reading I can't help but to associate this with how most ignorant people view my religion. Most people see Islam as unfair. Why do women have to cover up and not men? Why do men can marry four women whereas the same 'privilege' is not given to women? Why does a woman have to go out with a mahram but a man is free to wander off alone? Well, I'm not here to explain one by one of these questions because I'm no better than any other ordinary slave of God to explain to the curious. I'm going to leave these questions to those who are interested to seek for themselves because the TRUTH will portray itself.
I just have a few questions myself. We trust the law because it is supposedly written by better-known people, right? Then why is it so hard for us to trust the law from the Almighty that knows EVERYTHING? Why have we, humans, become so obnoxious to think that we are so good that we don't need guidance anymore? Why do we think so highly of this life we have now but if we look back in history we are actually turning back the clock of time to days when there is no religion, when uncivilized people buried their little girls?
Sigh... I guess reading this book reminds me of how I used to be. I used to stand for what's right, both spiritually and rationally. But I've lost sight of it for a while. I don't want that to happen again. I don't want to lose my faith and myself especially when I know I'm going to the land of 'the free' next year. I may have side tracked for a while but God Almighty helped put me back on it, where I absolutely belong.
Believe me, I'm not the person to condemn 100% what Laila did with Tariq. They were humans, and especially they were kids (okay teenagers). But the thing is, they have shame so that's why they turned back to the humble prayer rug they have. For that, I salute them both. About the old man Laila and Mariam was forced to marry, let me say this: He was a hypocrite. He forces his wives to wear the burqa but beat them half dead behind closed door. Islam never teaches that. Yes, you may teach your wives to cover up but Islam has the highest respect for women. No man is supposed to lay his bare arms on his wife like that. Islam is beautiful. Even to teach your wife or kids a lesson, there are rules, ways, and strategies we can use. They are people too and who else knows the best way to control humans beside the creator of humans Himself? But instead people nowadays are obsessed with psychologist because supposedly they know everything. Who are they above God? Think of this my fellow brothers and sisters.
However, the only think I don't like about the book is the name of the antagonist: Rasheed.
-C-
p/s: believe it or not, my laptop 'rosak' again so that's why I haven't been online for quite a long time :(
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